Mathematicians' jokes

( 1)

Mathematicians, biologists and physicists sit in street cafes and watch people go in and out of houses across the street. They first saw two people walk in. Time goes by. They saw three people coming out again.

Physicist:? The measurement is not accurate enough.

Biologist:? They have already bred.

Mathematician:? One more person goes in and the house is empty?

(2)

Engineers, chemists and mathematicians live in three adjacent rooms of an old inn. At first, the engineer's coffee machine caught fire that night. He woke up smelling the smoke, unplugged the coffee machine, threw it out of the window, and then went to sleep.

After a while, the chemist woke up and smelled smoke. He found that cigarette butts lit the trash can. He said to himself: How to put out the fire? We should lower the fuel temperature below the ignition point and isolate the combustion products from oxygen. Spitter works both ways. So he dragged the trash can into the bathroom, turned on the tap, put out the fire and went back to sleep.

The mathematician saw all this outside the window, so after a while, when he found his ashes burning the sheets, he was not worried at all. Hey, the solution exists! ? I went back to sleep.

(3)

The physics professor walked across the campus and met the math professor. The physics professor is conducting an experiment. He summed up an empirical equation, which seems to be consistent with the experimental data. He asked the math professor to look at the equation. A week later, they met, and the math professor said the equation was invalid. But at that time, the physics professor had predicted the further experimental results with his equation, and the effect was quite good, so he asked the math professor to review the equation again. Another week later, they met again. The math professor told the physics professor that this equation really holds. But it only applies to the simple case of positive real numbers. ?

(4)

Engineers, physicists and mathematicians received a task at the same time: nailing the wall. The engineer built a universal nailing machine, that is, a machine that can nail any possible nail into any possible wall. Physicists made a series of tests on the strength of hammers, nails and walls, and then developed a revolutionary technology? Ultra-low temperature ultrasonic nailing technology. Mathematicians extend the problem to N-dimensional space, and consider the problem that a kinked 1 dimensional nail penetrates the N- 1 dimensional super wall. Many basic theorems have been proved ... Of course, the depth of this topic makes the existence of simple solutions far from obvious.

(5)

A farmer invited engineers, physicists and mathematicians to enclose the largest area with the least fences. The engineer fenced a circle and declared that it was the best design. The physicist drew the fence into a long straight line. Assuming time permits, he can pull the wood fiber as long as the equator. He thinks it is big enough to surround half the earth. The mathematician gave them a big laugh. He surrounded himself with several fences and said, I'm outside now. ?

(6)

Physicists and engineers got lost in a hot air balloon in the Grand Canyon. They shouted for help: hello? ! Where are we? After about 15 minutes, they heard the response echoing in the valley. Hello? ! You are in a hot air balloon! ? The physicist said:? That guy must be a mathematician. ? The engineer is puzzled:? Why? The physicist said:? Because it took him a long time to give a completely correct answer, but it was useless. ?

(7)

Constant function and exponential function e's x power are walking down the street, and I see the differential operator far away. The constant function is scared to hide and say, I have nothing by differentiating it! ? Exponential function unhurried way:? It can't do anything to me, I am the x power of e! ? Exponential function meets differential operator. Exponential function introduces itself:? Hello, I am the x power of e? Differential operator path:? Hello, I'm d/dy! ?

(8)

Physicists, astronomers and mathematicians were walking on the Scottish Plateau when they happened to see a black sheep. Huh? Astronomers say? It turns out that sheep in Scotland are black. Come on, you can't just say that based on one observation. Physicists say,? You can only say that the black sheep were found in Scotland. It's not right either. Mathematicians say,? From this observation, you can only say: at this moment, this sheep, from our observation point of view, its surface is black.

(9)

One day, the mathematician felt that he had had enough of mathematics and ran to the fire brigade to announce that he wanted to be a fireman. The fire chief said, you look good, but I have to give you a test first. ? The fire chief took the mathematician to the backyard alley of the fire brigade. There is a warehouse, a fire hydrant and a hose in the alley. The fire chief asked? Suppose the warehouse was on fire, what would you do? The mathematician replied:? I connected the fire hydrant to the water pipe, turned on the water pipe and put out the fire. ? The fire chief said, exactly! Last question: suppose you walk into an alley and the warehouse is not on fire, what would you do? The mathematician pondered for a long time in doubt and finally answered:? I set fire to the warehouse. ? The fire chief shouted: What? That's terrible! Why did you set fire to the warehouse? The mathematician replied:? In this way, I will simplify the problem into a problem that I have solved. ?

( 10)

A math professor at a British university found that his sewer was blocked, so he hired a plumber to repair it. After 30 minutes, the water pipe was clear. The professor was quite satisfied with the plumber's performance, but when he saw the bill, he couldn't help shouting: What! In just 30 minutes, the money you collected is enough for my monthly income 1/3! I want to be a plumber! ? . The plumber said,? You can go now. Our company is recruiting people, including training. But you have to say that you just graduated from primary school. Companies don't like highly educated people? . So the professor took part in the training and became a plumber. His income tripled at once. He is much happier than before. A few years later, the company suddenly decided to raise the educational level of plumbers to junior high school graduation, and required its workers to attend night classes. The first class at night school is math. The teacher wanted to see how good the foundation of these plumbers was first, so he randomly selected a person to write the formula of circular area. The professor was chosen, but after working as a plumber for so many years, he forgot that the formula of circular area is π * r 2. So he had to deduce it from the beginning: infinitely divide the circle and then integrate it. But the result he got was negative π * r 2. Embarrassed ing, the professor never came again, and the result was still negative. Embarrassed, he turned to dozens of plumbers sitting in the classroom for help. I saw these colleagues whispering to each other and said to him one after another: exchange the upper and lower limits of integral.

( 1 1)

A mathematician, physicist and engineer came to a farm. The chickens raised on this farm are sick. The farmer tried all kinds of methods, but the vet couldn't help it. After careful study, a professor of zoology suggested that the farmer consult other scientists. The mathematician carefully observed these chickens, made some measurements, calculated many times and made a lot of statistical analysis, but finally came to the conclusion that he couldn't find the problem. Engineers brought many instruments and made various measurements on chickens, including the weight of normal chickens and sick chickens. But he can't draw any useful conclusions. Finally, it's the physicist's turn. He just looked at the chicken and began to calculate. After about an hour's calculation, he finally said, I found a way to save your chicken, but this method only works for spherical chickens in vacuum. ?

( 12)

Mathematics consists of 50% formula, 50% proof and 50% imagination.

Topologists can't tell coffee cups from bagels.

The head of the statistician will say:? It generally feels good. ?

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