When others play with my toys, I will only be called stingy when I get them back?

For me, I go outdoors to walk my baby every day except extreme weather.

But going out for a walk every day is more stressful for me than making a mess with the baby at home.

In order to avoid conflicts between babies and other people's toys, I let them bring their own toys every time I go out.

This has two advantages: my baby won't take away someone else's toys just because he has them; My baby won't clamor for roadside stalls like toys sold at home.

Sometimes, they will ride their own tricycles with their own toys on the handlebars and run all the way to the bunker playground.

However, it is inevitable: either my baby was robbed of toys by others, or I cried when I didn't come back, or others cried when I came back.

Many adults will comfort the baby like this: we don't play with him, he won't let us play with his toys, he doesn't know how to share, and no one plays with him.

I listened with trepidation and helplessness. I can only comfort the baby: mom plays with you, and your toys are your decision. If you don't let mom play, mom won't play.

To be honest, I am afraid that my children will be defined as selfish children who don't know how to share.

But I also think: the baby's own toys, the baby can't be the owner, isn't the baby very wronged?

I taught my children that you should mind your own business and don't leave anything behind.

The child did do it, but I still feel a little uncomfortable.

Why don't children want to share?

The term "sensitive period of real right" was put forward by Italian preschool educator Montessori, which means: the period when children are highly sensitive to the ownership of goods.

This situation is generally more obvious among children aged 1 year, 4 months and 3 years.

In addition to this reason, there is a great possibility that children don't have many' resources'. If children only have a toy and a lollipop, it is beyond our power to let them share it.

Careful parents will find that children in the sensitive period of property rights have very remarkable characteristics:

0 1

My ... my ... is always on my lips.

My Dabao will repeat to the children who look at his toys: This is my toy.

If someone teases his sister, he will say: This is my sister! ! My sister! !

02

If someone takes his things, the reaction will be very great, and neither will mom and dad!

I remember when Dabao was more than two years old, I picked up the glutinous rice balls he put on the table and took a bite. Dabao immediately rushed up and dug it out of my mouth.

My heart was cold at that time.

03

Very resistant to sharing!

Children in this period, you ask him to share, he always stubbornly shakes his head and says no, if you forcibly share, you will cry again.

So, in this case, we adults need to understand:

1 Don't label children: children are not stingy and selfish, but developing independence.

It is not unreasonable for children to improve their self-awareness through a sense of control over their own things. If we look at children's stage performances narrowly, we are actually "defining" children.

Professor Susan Forward, an American writer, wrote in the book Poisoned Parents: Children can't tell the truth from jokes. They will believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.

Montessori also mentioned that children don't judge themselves, but judge themselves through others' attitudes towards themselves.

Therefore, adults should also be careful in language, not to arouse unnecessary' resistance' of children.

2 don't force children to share: it will confuse children's cognition to be wronged to cater to others.

Montessori said: Forcing children before the age of three to share their possessions is tantamount to forcing children to blur their own concept of possessions, extremely undermining their autonomy, leading to children's fear of defending their legitimate rights and interests, and even cowardice.

It is not sweet to twist the melon, and forced sharing deviates from the essence of sharing. When sharing becomes unhappy, children lose the opportunity to learn to share correctly.

Scott, an American psychologist, wrote in The Road Few People Walk: A Journey to Maturity: Parents who really love their children understand that to love their children, they must respect their wishes and feelings and their right to make decisions.

In fact, accepting children's staged selfishness, even if they are temporarily regarded as the mother of a child who doesn't know how to share, can't force children to save face and be afraid of what others say.

Don't be too superstitious about sensitive period: the correct way is to grasp the principle and guide appropriately.

The so-called sensitive period, each child's external performance is different, some are obviously slight, some are long and some are short.

Parenting is not only to know why our children are like this, but also to further understand what direction we should guide our children.

My two children's first reaction to strange children is often not to share, which I understand.

I made a special observation, and it turned out that they were not children who didn't want to share at all.

1 It is easier for children to share when they feel kindness.

Once we took our pet parrot downstairs to bask in the sun, and several children surrounded us. Dabao ran around with his cage, and several children followed him with great interest. One of the girls couldn't keep up and said to her grandmother, he won't let me see his bird.

Her grandmother immediately replied fiercely: Why don't you let me see it? Don't let him coax it away! !

I heard my heart tremble and said to my son, if you don't want other children to see it, then let's go upstairs and go home so that they can't see it.

Hearing this, Dabao put the cage on the bench in the community and said that he could only watch without touching it. Then several children gathered around to watch the birds, and I discussed the tail, nose and eyes of the birds with them. The children giggled from time to time.

I'm relieved.

What children can accept most is communication and sharing.

When children are curious about toys they haven't played with, they will want to play with other people's toys.

It would be great if both children agreed: you play with me and I play with you.

I remember once visiting a friend's house. My friend's child wanted to play with Dabao's bubble machine, but Dabao didn't want to, but in a short time, my friend's child took out a deformed car that Dabao had never seen before.

The two children discussed it and exchanged it with each other. When I left, I said I could take it away and change it next time.

How to guide children to learn to share?

1 Create a sharing atmosphere in the family every day: use the word' sharing' more often.

In addition to sharing this action in substance, when talking to children, you should consciously use the word' sharing'.

I once said: Son, let's eat the mango my mother bought. Now I will say: Let's share the mangoes that Mom bought!

I used to say: Eat, son! Now I will say: let's share mom's cooking together!

Adults know how to share, and children can learn to share.

Family is the best place to study, and children will have great openness in an atmosphere full of security.

Now my little daughter eats oranges alone, and she will whisper while eating: I can't finish eating, so I have to leave some for my mother.

Dabao will also bring one to each of us when eating.

Before I take my children to a friend's house, I will ask them to put some fruit in a bag and tell them to take it to my aunt's house to share with her. The children are happy to do so.

When children form the habit of sharing, they will not be so' nervous' outside.

Let children learn to share with picture books and animations.

Picture books and animations are also good edifying tools.

Red Fox and Blue Fox, Whose Moon Is It, and Little Mouse Divides the Fruit are all good picture books that can teach children how to share.

I watched the episode of hermit crab looking for a house with my children yesterday. My brother gave his house to his brother.

The chickens asked him, what if you don't have a house? Brother Hermit Crab said: I can still find a new house!

Influenced by Brother Hermit Crab, chicks also share their toys with birds.

Sharing brings happiness.

Dabao finished reading it and told me the whole story again.

I think our conversation can also make Dabao think of sharing.

3 Prepare more' resources' for children to share.

As mentioned earlier, children's reluctance to share is related to the lack of' resources' in their hands, in addition to the sensitive period of property rights.

Every time I go out, whether I remind my children to bring toys or food, I will ask them to bring more. If other children are interested, I will remind them to share.

I remember once on the bullet train, Dabao took the initiative to share her snacks with her sister next to her, and she also generously shared her snacks with us. As a result, the two children switched sides and ate happily.

Every time a child takes the initiative to share, adults must affirm the child's behavior.

I remember once, a friend's child came to my house to play, and Dabao gave his robot to the child to play with. Perhaps because of shyness, he stuffed the robot into the children's arms and ran away.

I reminded him at that time: you should also find out the remote control that children play with!

Other also didn't say much.

When I went to bed at night, I said, Mom saw you send toys to the children today. It's very generous. Next time the children come, you can teach them how to play, ok?

Dabao was very happy: I am a big brother, and I want to teach him how to play. Next time, I will let my robot perform dances for the children!

There is a saying in the Bible, a classic book of Jewish wisdom: It is more blessed to give than to receive. It means that people who know how to give are more blessed than those who only know how to receive.

A man who knows how to give is a rich man. If he gets it, he will give it to others instead of enjoying it for himself. It is like a pipe of tap water, which benefits others.

The purpose of teaching children to share is not only to share, but to let them feel the normal communication in interpersonal relationships through voluntary and spontaneous sharing.

When goodwill circulates between each other, friendship grows and sprouts. This is really a very valuable asset for children.

Don't define, don't force, encourage, guide and wait. This is the correct way to open sharing!

Snowball mother, the post-80 s mother who grew up with her baby.