Ask for an old cross talk?

To be sure, the "ghost-free theory" (also known as "Lun Heizai") is tenable.

text

This program is called On Ghosts, which means that there are no ghosts in our daily life. If someone says there is a ghost, where does the ghost live, which street, which alley, what is the house number, and who is the owner? (Asking the audience) Who knows? Nobody knows, right? There are no ghosts in the world.

Since there are no ghosts, why do some people say that people are haunted after death? Because I don't know the truth of the matter, this is a mistake, and some people believe it in a daze. Or how to say superstition, "superstition" is a daze "believe"!

Because some people are superstitious and afraid of ghosts, they make a lot of jokes. In the early years of the Republic of China, an old man named Jiang lived in Nanyuan, outside Yongdingmen, Beijing. His wife died a long time ago, leaving only a son and a daughter to live alone. Later, the girl grew up and married in the city.

One day, Lao Manjiang suddenly fell ill and died! The young man got on a board, stopped his father, covered the dead man's face with a piece of pink paper, and put a few pieces of meat in front of the dead man's head to pay homage!

The young man stopped and planned to go to the city to discuss with his sister about the old man. But another thought: if I leave, I will leave my father's body and park it in the house without anyone watching. What shall we do? Hey, when my father was alive, he got along well with the old Hu Man next door. I asked him to have a look. The young man came to the hospital next door to kowtow.

"Uncle Hu, my father passed away this morning!"

"Ah! Is it? Alas! We played chess together the day before yesterday, but today it's gone! What does this mean? Don't worry too much. What are you going to do? "

"I'm going to town to find my sister to gather together two money and buy a coffin for my father. My father's body was left in the house as soon as I left. I don't trust. I want you to look after it in that hospital. "

When old Hu Man showed him the body, his head felt big. He's really scared! But I still want to support:

"Son, it didn't say. You must come back early, don't wait to close the door ... "

At that time, at nine o'clock in the evening, as soon as the nose (whistle) was pulled to close the city gate, people could not get in.

"... don't wait until the gate is closed. If I shut you up in the city and let me see you for one night, my spirit will not reach! "

In fact, it is not that he can't reach his spirit, but that he is timid and afraid. The young man said:

"Don't worry, Uncle Hu, I'll be back before the city is closed." Say that finish and left.

You see, Nanyuan is 0/6 miles away from Beijing/KLOC. The young man came to the city, met his sister, and when his brother-in-law got off work, the three of them studied together, how to collect money, how to buy a coffin, and how to send it ... It took a long time. After everything was discussed, the gate was closed and the young man was put in the city.

The first night of young people in the city, the old Hu Man at home was very lively!

When the sun went down, old Hu Man couldn't stay in the yard. He was anxious to go straight at the street gate.

"Why don't you come back? It's almost nine o'clock, and the gate will be closed at nine o'clock ... Tomorrow morning, our old brother will hold a funeral together! Alas, how else can we say that young people may not be able to do things? When is that day? Oh, come back soon! "

Is in a hurry, hee nose, blare ... Hearing this, the old man said:

"Come on, fight!"

It's dark, too. Let's light the lights first. At that time, there was no electric light in the country, so I lit a small oil lamp. In order to try to be brave, khufu got half a bottle of wine and drank it, mumbling:

"I said, brother, we are old brothers. Don't get up and scare me. If you come together, I will get down! "

Just then, a gust of wind blew, making the flame of the small oil lamp flicker, blue for a while, green for a while ... Wow, scared the old man! He's afraid here. Hey, there's a gentleman singing outside. He was holding a black boy and singing as he walked, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Hurry out and shout: "Sir! Please come and sing two paragraphs! "

Anyone who loses his voice is good. He only needs to talk to you once, and he will know who it is next time.

"Oh, Uncle Hu, why do you want to listen to music today?"

"Ah ... please come in."

Old Hu Man pulled Mr. Hu in with a horse pole. You'd better let him go to another room, ah, into the house where the body is parked; You let him sit somewhere else, alas, next to the dead body. Look at this place! Where is the horse pole? Khufu conveniently poked at the corner.

"Uncle hu, what do you want to hear? I will sing for you, whether it is literary, martial, sad or bitter. "

Old Human won't listen. He kept dealing with her husband: "Well, you are not busy. Have a rest first, drink water, drink water ... "

Mister Mister wonders for himself. I always sit and don't sing. It takes a lot of time. After that, who will pay the bill? Just say:

"Uncle hu, I'm not tired. Let's sing first. Which paragraph did you listen to? "

Mr. Mistaken by mistake has urged him to extract the truth from Mr. Hu:

"Actually ... it doesn't matter whether you sing or not. As long as you sit here all night, we will still give money tomorrow morning, because there is a fool in this room ..."

"Ah?" Hearing this, Mr. Wang said, "What's the matter? Is there a dead fool in this room? ! "

Old Human thought, Hey, what can I say? Let's get this straight.

"This is not my home, it is next door to my old man's house. Lao Manjiang died, and his son went to town to discuss buying a coffin with his sister. Let me look after the body. To tell you the truth, I am timid, so I want you to stay with me for one night. Can't I pay a little more until dawn? "

Mr. Wrong shivered at that time: "What's wrong with you?" Haven't you ever heard of blind people looking at bodies? You who have eyes are still afraid. Am I not more afraid of blindness? I don't care how much you give me. No, I have to go! "

Old Hu Man was very worried when he saw Mr. Hu leaving, and jumped out at once. He conveniently went to the chain outside. Wow, Gabe! He locked the door!

Hearing this, Mr. Wang said, "Hey, why did you lock the door?"

This time, old Hu Man just held his horses: "Sir, don't be too sad, I'm afraid you will leave. Aren't you going to sing? How about this: I'll listen outside and you sing inside. "

"wow! Can I sing? "

In any case, old Hu Man won't open the door in any case. The gentleman thought, well, I'll sing two paragraphs to cheer myself up. Choke Kuang ... "Gossip ..." Even the voice was completely broken, and he was afraid!

Just then, a cat got into the window hole. Come on, rub it! He jumped to his feet and pounced on the piece of meat on the dead man's head, so that the powder on the dead man's face even swished. The gentleman who lost his eyes almost didn't get down!

(deliberately learn to cough bravely) "Hey, Uncle Hu, something is wrong!"

I don't know what it is, but it is "moving"!

Old Hu Man stopped him outside: "I said, sir, don't cheat!" " "

This "cheat" is a Beijing dialect, which means blind. When Mr. Wang was afraid, he gave a twist:

"What? Blow up the body? Oh, open the door! "

Old Hu Man was also scared silly: "What door did you open? I locked the key in the room! "

Wow, isn't this fatal?

Old Hu Man was afraid, too, and his life became a problem: "What ... to blow up a body? ! Don't let him hold you, you can't live with him. It's okay to put him down, you find something to smash! "

The gentleman said, "I see it … can I have a look?" ? What should I do ... find something to put the body down ... where is the horse pole? "Reach out and touch the horse pole, then where to find it? Old Hu Man pushed him into the corner. Ah, he thought, why don't I swing the black boy!

(Learn from Black Boy) Fuck-Pa! Why is it so small that it knocked the oil lamp underground at first sight? As soon as the light went out, the room was dark and nothing could be seen. I heard Mr. Wang shouting inside: "Oh, what a fake body!" " Don't let him hug, you can't live if you hug ... "Ping-

Bang! Poof-tong, wow-la! He threw it away alone.

Old Hu Man was frightened outside: "Oh, you two really got into a fight ... I'll report it to the authorities!" " "

Where can I report to the official in the dead of night? Outside the backstreet, two young people are building a shed to see melons. Ah, old Hu Man ran there. When he entered the gate, he shouted:

"Too good, two ZhaShi! Two liars! "

The two boys were shocked: "What two liars?"

"Oh, help! Well ... the old man next door is dead ... still alive ... lying to the corpse! What's going on in the house! "

Hearing this, the two boys jumped up: "Go! Let's take a look! "

The man said, "Don't be empty-handed, take our hook!" " "

"Yes!"

Two young men each followed khufu with a hook. At first, Mr. Mistake was still full of energy, waving and shouting. I have done a lot of work, and my voice is hoarse. I can't shout, but I only know how to swing. Table tennis, Li Hua!

Old Hu Man said, "Hey, listen to how fierce it is!"

I don't know who caused the trouble.

"Don't go into the house, just put the hook rod through the window and hook him down."

The young man poked both hooks in, each holding one and putting them together. A long time later, Ben! The hook of the hook rod hooked the sanxian drum. With this hook, Mr. Mister was relieved: "Well, all right, hold on."

This young man outside is also relieved. (Whispering) "Hey, I'm hooked, give me a hand!" Two people were pulling hard outside, and Mr. Wang was scared to death inside. "Ah, ah, ah ..." I thought: No, I am already dead! Sit back, "Hmm-"(pulling Black Boy) is pulled back again!

The two sides fought so hard. It is broken. Black drum is glued. Good beep! It's broken! Mister Mister stepped back. Knock, knock! I sat on the dead man, and I put my hand back. Why is it so inch? Right on the dead man's nose!

Mistaken by mistake, Mr. Mistaken by mistake was startled: "Oh, my God!"

The two boys outside wondered, "Hey, why is the body still called mom?"

At this time, old Hu Man remembered: "Oh, you two be careful, there is a blind man inside!" " "