Seek super funny classic jokes ~ ~ ~

Today, when my wife came back from shopping, she shouted as soon as she entered the room, "This day is over. If we die, can these two dead money last until the end of the month without eating or drinking? " Except for wages, there is nothing that does not go up. It's not enough for you to buy five yuan of pork and stew some sauerkraut. Hurry back to your mother's house tomorrow and get more cabbage and potatoes, so that you can persist. "I took out a pack of sanitary napkins and threw them on the table, saying something that shocked me:" I won't be able to get my period if I go up again. "

9. Best Sound Award

When I passed an intersection that day, I had a desire to fart. There happened to be a man riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought the motorcycle had started and was about to leave. I was embarrassed that time. ......

8. Special Award for Mobile Phone Merchants

A friend of mine bought a new mobile phone. I accidentally dropped my mobile phone in the toilet. Fortunately, the things in the toilet pit are very sticky, and the mobile phone didn't go in. Just as he was about to find something for his mobile phone, someone called him! It happened that his mobile phone vibrated again, and he watched the vibration slowly disappear in the sticky pit. ......

7.IT Award of the Year

I spit in the main box when I was repairing the computer, and the computer popped up and found new hardware ~

6. China Prize for Literature

There are three people in the office, two men and one woman. The older male is 45 years old, the younger male is 2 1 year old and the female is 30 years old.

There is no competition between the three people, so they have a harmonious relationship and get along well.

One day, this woman got a promotion and moved out of this office. At the celebration dinner, after the big man toasted, he asked the woman, "Why did you abandon your husband and children?" "Abandoning one's husband and children" caused the whole table to burst into laughter.

Another day, the little boy also got a raise. At the celebration party, the husband of the lady who left first asked the big boy sourly, "I heard that Mr. Wang made a very amazing speech at the last party." What is there to say this time? "

The big man was stunned and said, "What is there to say? I have struggled for half my life, and now my wife is separated! "

5. Biological Harmony Award

Chongqing once had a classic place name, Renhe, which means "favorable weather, favorable geographical conditions and harmonious people".

There's a unit over there with invincible signs.

"Human and lean pig farms"

4. Best Reading Award

Go to the back door of China Normal University for a barbecue.

There is an advertisement in front of the barbecue stall with three lines of Chinese characters on it:

roast

Beef Kebabs

chicken thighs

Heart pendant

Next to it, a NB MM read aloud: Roasted bullwhip.

3. Best Service Award

One day, my cousin and I went to catch a bus and finally got one, but there were so many people on the bus that the front door could not be squeezed in. We had to swipe our cards at the front door and get on the bus from the back door, but there were too many people on the bus to squeeze in the back door.

So, the driver's big brother discussed with us: "I'll start the car first, drive slowly, and you run with the car."

My cousin and I wondered: what is this method? But I can't do anything except chase the car. Seeing that the car was about ten meters away, all of a sudden, the passengers on the car couldn't stay up, all of them fell to the front of the car, and the back door suddenly gave up a big place.

At this time, the driver's big brother proudly greeted us: "Hurry up, hurry up ..."

2, the strongest love award

On the bus, I heard someone calling the radio station to order songs. A man called in and said, "I am a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home. I want to spend the New Year in Beijing." I want to order a song. "

The host asked him, "Who do you want to order songs for?"

At that time, I thought it was unnecessary to ask. It must be my parents and distant relatives. Who knows, he replied: "I want to order a song by Jordan chan and give it to all the staff and ticket sellers at Beijing Railway Station!"

1, year-end bonus

My friend Lao Liu and I were wandering in the street, drinking Pepsi cans while walking. I saw a trash can, so we made a bet that whoever stood farthest would throw it in, and the loser would treat us at night. I hit the nail on the head. By the sixth grade, he stood further and threw it on the top of the trash can with all his strength. Bang! There was a loud noise when the cans were dipped in Lao Gao. Just as a girl passed by, Lao Liu didn't drink the cans clean, and coke splashed on the girl's face.

At first, Lao Liu and I quickly apologized to her, but the girl just wouldn't let people talk and kept cursing. Lao Liu got angry and scolded her. I first saw them when I was this age. They kept cursing for about an hour. Suddenly, the girl pointed to her face and said, "Can you do it? You have the ability to lick it clean for me! "

Old six and I haven't reflected it yet. Old six is still reluctant. The girl went on to say, "You are still a man!" " "Old six angry, grabbed her, moved her head, leaned her head in the past, stick out your tongue and licked it twice! Lao Liu also said to the girl, "All right! It's over! Hey! "

When Liu turned around and saw my gaping appearance, we all laughed. The girl also came to her senses and squatted on the ground crying. It looks terrible. We quickly put in a good word and apologized to others. Later, I can't remember how she stopped crying. That night, Lao Liu invited the girl and my guests and sent the girl back to the dormitory at night. A few days later, the girl became Liu's girlfriend, and we were the first friends to fall in love.

Later, I asked the girl about the scene at that time, and she said that she was dizzy and made a big joke. However, she thinks Liu is good, so she will be wrong. Since the sixth year, our dormitory always asks if there is intimate behavior in love and asks, "Did you lick it?" .