Humorous jokes, funny jokes, feelings, eighteen kinds of martial arts, all proficient.

1. In primary school, there was a relationship called: Go to class. In junior high school, there was a feeling called: go, go online. In high school, there was a relationship called: go, go to the toilet. When I was in college, there was a relationship called: Go, go to bed. After graduation, there is a relationship called: go, go to work. After retirement, there is a relationship called: go to a nursing home.

2. A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. Panda cried: You have a cold. Why did you eat me? The tiger said: It is said in the advertisement that if you have a cold, you should eat black for free!

The host interviewed the twins and asked one of them: How old are you? The other person answered, and then the host turned to ask another one: What about you?

In the dressing room, the foreigner played a joke on me. He said: Your penis in China is so small that a woman goes abroad and marries a foreigner. I said: They married you for a green card. Didn't you see that they got a green card, divorced, and married people from China? Who do you think is awesome?

6. In the physics exam, the teacher asked you to fill in the blanks of the most influential physicist. The cow in our class wrote the teacher's name in every blank and got the highest score!

7. Beef brisket: It's out of the pot, and it feels good. Don asked: How do you feel? Beef brisket smiled slightly: I feel that my personality is brilliant, full of noble moral values, and I have good education and sentiment. T: what do you mean? Beef brisket: That means I'm not bad enough.

8. Outside the temple, the young woman handed the baby to the old monk: Master, please take this child, teach him martial arts and help him avenge his father. The old monk asked: Was his father killed by a robber? No, the world is full of cruel officials, and my husband was forced to death by the authorities! He hasn't had time to name the child. Please give the master a name, and also include this blood feud in the name, so that the children can remember it. The old monk pondered for a long time: then call him a colleague.

9. A new dance club has opened near Xiaolin's home. His father told Xiao Lin not to go there because he would see something he shouldn't have seen there. Xiao Lin couldn't help but go there once, and sure enough, he saw something he shouldn't have seen, his father.

10. The horse and donkey got married. After a few months, the horse said to the donkey, do you want to go to the hospital? The donkey asked, what's the matter? Ma Dao: I suspect you are infertile.

1 1. One day, my colleague called me. Colleague: Hey, I asked you if you were my best friend. Me: Say something quickly! Busy! Colleague: Are you my best friend or not? Me: Borrow money, right? Tell me how much to borrow quickly. Don't say more than a large sum. Colleague: Is it my best friend? Just answer yes orno. I: Yes, why? Colleague: I just read in this book that dogs are man's best friends. I just want to make sure. Me: you little B-boy, see what I can do with you.

12. Reading today, I was very depressed to see that Kangxi had become the king of a country at the age of 18. But seeing that Emperor Tongzhi had died for many years at the age of 18, I was completely balanced.

13. A couple I saw in the library. Because it snowed a few days ago, the road was muddy and the boy's shoes were dirty. The boy was tired after reading for a while and fell asleep at his desk. His little girlfriend took a bag of wet tissues and hid beside the seat, carefully wiped the boy's shoes, and then returned to the seat. In fact, the boy was lying on his head to the other side. When the girl was polishing his shoes, he woke up when he opened his eyes. When eating, girls treat boys to dinner. They went to the stairwell and the boy hugged the girl.

14. Guan Yu and his two sisters-in-law passed the exam, but Cao Cao asked him to go to Shu. Zhao Yun, a million-strong army, followed Dou deus ex. Because Cao Cao was not allowed to shoot arrows, Wei Jun Enemy at the Gates and Dou flatly surrendered to Cao Cao. . . . Dou is a game played by Cao Cao, who is really a villain in troubled times. You can understand Cao Cao's tricks.

16. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went to my cousin's house. My girlfriend coaxed my little niece (one month old) and suddenly said that she wanted to feel the feeling of breastfeeding her child, so she ran to the room to breastfeed her child, instead of suddenly saying to me with a flush on her face: I am wet, wet and tired.

17. Ask your girlfriend, do you think people need to wear shoes without feet? She: Of course not. Me: Then why are you wearing a bra? She: Shit, don't run.

18. I accidentally farted in class. In order not to let everyone smell the smell, I bowed my head and took a deep breath. When I finished smoking, I remembered that it smelled of eggs. I don't seem to have eaten eggs today. While I was thinking, I suddenly found that the eggshell in my desk drawer, Nima, had suffered.

19. I just heard that little boy singing "Dad" alone. Can you sing little star? I received it from the man who took advantage there, but I didn't know the little boy was good at boasting, so can I teach you? Then, then the little boy cried and went to his father! ! ! Hey, can this child do without teaching? ! !

20. Richie Jen version of The Condor Heroes: Yang Guo is sad, Yang Guo is drunk, and she doesn't know the little dragon girl.

22. Pure thugs, please. . . Think about yourself two years ago, how pure you are, and you will blush when you talk to beautiful women. Now, hey, forget it. Hey, the beautiful woman in front walks slowly. I think I've seen you somewhere. Hey, don't run.

23. In the past, Apple and Pear were good friends. Later, Apple moved and met again in this place. As a result, many years later, the apple returned to this place, but after a long time, the pear did not appear. The apple waited and waited, and turned into plasma.

24. The circle of friends can sometimes reflect the humanity of girls to the fullest. If she is beautiful, she will probably be narcissistic; If she is rich, she is likely to show off her wealth; If she is clever, she probably likes to be clever; If she is knowledgeable, she is likely to become a good teacher; If she is not beautiful, rich, smart or knowledgeable, she will probably be hacked.

25. When examining a citizen who applied for immigration, the public security department of a former Eastern European country asked: Why did you immigrate to the West? You have a stable job, a stable income and free labor insurance here. What can you complain about? I have nothing to complain about. Then why did you move to the west? Because I can complain freely there.

26. Two chemists walked into a restaurant. The waiter asked what to drink, and one said, wow. The other said, Oh, yes. Then the first one died. Alas, the more educated, the more terrible.

27. My son, who just graduated from Chinese medical college, told his father: I handed in the medicine and cured the patient you haven't cured for many years. His father, an old Chinese doctor, was greatly surprised: you silly child, he paid for all your college tuition! Who will pay for your future postgraduate tuition?

28. There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which says: No trampling on the lawn, and offenders will be fined RMB. A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before, so he asked the service staff in the park: Why is the fine reduced? Didn't you need a fine before? Attendant: No one stepped on the pulley.

29. The old monk told his disciples a causal story. Here's the story. A monk and a butcher are neighbors. They agreed to wake each other up every day, year after year, day after day. Finally, after their death, the butcher went to heaven and the monk went to hell. The disciples were puzzled and asked the master. A: It is a good thing for the butcher to wake up the monks to chant Buddhist scriptures and help all living beings. It is evil for a monk to wake up a butcher and kill people. So the butcher went to heaven and the monk went to hell. The disciples are very thoughtful. The next day, a meat stall was opened around the temple.

30. A very good brother of mine asked me to come here and make a fortune. I didn't know I was a pyramid scheme until I arrived. I am controlled by them in the building of that community every day. Today, I jumped from the window to the roof of a bungalow opposite, and you hid on the roof and watched the ladies' room through the skylight for two hours? Comrade police, I

3 1. A few days ago, my boyfriend went to the parking lot to pick up the car. I waited for him on the sidewalk. The old lady came to me trembling, brushed with me and fell to the ground. Just then, I fell to the ground, clutching my stomach and talking about my baby painfully. . . The old lady got up by herself and left without looking back, walking without shaking.

32. It is absolutely true, but it doesn't make sense. The woman in the next village was given to XO by her uncle (more than once). Later, her husband found out that she was going to kill her uncle, but she ran away. The result was far beyond my expectation. The woman's husband gave her uncle's daughter (spring daughter, of course) to XO, and that was the end.

33. I am proud of my son. Because every time I enter my son's room, he always sits quietly in front of the computer, neither playing games nor surfing the Internet. Instead, I meditate on the computer desktop. . . . . . .

34. Guan Yu was right. Some people said, Big Brother, I will never go out with my military adviser again. Liu Bei: Why? Guan Yu: He always farts. Liu Bei: forbearance. Guan Yu: The most important thing is that he uses a fan every time he farts, so that everyone around him thinks I farted. Liu Bei: Yes. . . . . .

35. I went to breakfast this morning and saw people now! Having breakfast, playing mobile games and chatting on WeChat, I feel that this society has changed inexplicably, so I silently took out my Nokia and played with snakes.

36. Last night, I waited for a friend at McDonald's. There is a junior high school student eating a hamburger and doing his homework. I deeply feel that the children are also very pitiful. My parents are busy with work and have to eat junk food for dinner. Suddenly, one of the boys said to the other, we eat McDonald's with the class fee. How can we explain it to the teacher?

37. Seeing beautiful women on the train will make them look enchanting. At this time, a male conductor came, and the beauty asked, Comrade, where is the boiling water? The male conductor walked and said: Below, the degree. The faces of the male compatriots around him are laughing.

38. Teachers find that there is something wrong with parents' education methods and always teach those difficult things. So I chatted with the parents of the students and said, "To educate children, we must first start from scratch." Parent: We started from scratch, but the stick knocked him out. Experience shows that it is better to start with the ass.

A man inherited his father's bank. He called the janitor and gave him an album with photos of all his relatives. I admit that I won't see any of them coming.

4 1. Female, short, CM, but just found a new boyfriend. When two people walk together, they look particularly out of place! A friend asked this woman: Being so much shorter than her boyfriend, is it stressful to be with her boyfriend? This female language is amazing: what is pressure? We are aligned in the middle, not up and down!

42. There are too many fat women now, and some people think they are pregnant when they see them on the bus. I think the bus company should issue a card called pregnant woman card. As long as pregnant women get on the bus and swipe their cards, everyone will know that someone should give up their seat. Agree to the top.

43. Bitter wage earners! ! I will turn on the TV at half past noon every day and turn to the children's channel to watch Pleasant Goat! They call me naive! Ignore them! My two little babies must be watching now! ! !

44. In the canteen, the girl cooked a pot of Sichuan-style pork with a lot of fat. She ate it well and caught the boy's attention. The boy looked into the girl's eyes and said to himself, I'm so sorry, pig!

45. In high school, the teacher told us that in fact, those things (ooxx) are just the contact between two organs, so don't worry too much! Student B popped up a sentence: Would you care if your wife's organs came into contact with others? The teacher has a black line all over his face.

46. Please remember when driving; Avoid the following situations: brand luxury cars break Li Xia; Dumplings and motorcycles; Wheels, old men, electric women; An old aunt crossing the street; A woman driver driving a new car.

47. My wife and I have a good friend. We went to eat kebabs together. I was a little drunk, pulling my buddy and shouting: I want a lady, I want a lady! Although I was drunk at that time, I could still feel my wife's murderous eyes. At this time, my buddy helped me up and said to my daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, I have to go to the toilet, and he has to pee. . . . This is a good buddy! Let's go

48. Go to the hospital today. I told the brain doctor that I was paranoid. I feel that my face is round, my eyes are small, my nose is crooked and my mouth is ugly. I think I am a big fat man! The doctor looked at me in surprise and wrote a few words on the prescription trembling. What you said is true.

50. I have been thinking, what is Joe's good intention to help the Lord launch the iPad? Now I finally understand that iPad has solved a big problem that all mobile devices such as iPod and iPhone can't solve, that is, it will never fall into the toilet again!