A warm joke

A bear plucked its hair at the South Pole. After plucking, it was said that it was too cold. It was not the funniest, but it was quite funny.

Some of my favorites: 1 talking in a dream together in high school.

"Love the princess, love the princess, don't leave me."

I'm sweating ...

soon

"I am not reconciled, I am not reconciled."

I just had a breakdown. ...

I had a group meeting at school today, and suddenly I sneezed unexpectedly. I looked up and found my nose on the back of the girl in front. The woman didn't notice, so she secretly wanted to help her wipe it off. Just as I reached over, the girl next to me found out and shouted, "How can you wipe someone's nose?" ! "

Get on the bus in the afternoon, take out the bus card and bump into the slot.

It's cheap to buy socks at the stall. I wanted to buy 30 pairs, but only the same black style was left. The sock seller lied to me that one color was good, and no one could see it on the other when one was lost ... I thought it was right, so I bought 30 pairs. ...

That's it. I change it every two days …

As a result, almost two months later, my deskmate couldn't stand it anymore and said, you are so lazy. Why don't you even say change a pair of socks every two months?

Me: ...

The temperature has dropped recently. I saw a Hercules on the highway, driving a convertible and wearing a motorcycle helmet.

I lost a key while looking for my pocket. I didn't find it at that time, but I went back to find it later!

There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it?

I thought it was the key. Say it quickly, mine, mine! this is mine

Only later did I know that the woman was pregnant. . . . Pity my face. . . It hurt for a few days

A classmate's parents said.

His parents just started dating. One day when I was shopping, my mother took a fancy to a down jacket, but when she saw the price, she took my father away.

His father said, if we can't afford it, can't we try? His father forced his mother into the dressing room.

His mother changed, and when his father saw it, he took his mother and ran away, saying, run! While the clerk is away!

His mother is wearing that down jacket, and the label is floating outside. She was dragged out by her father and happened to pass a post. Her mother cried with a pillar in her arms. His father turned around and said seriously, run! Are you waiting to be caught?

His mother cried even more. Then his father smiled: Hahahaha ... I paid for the clothes when you went in.

Yesterday at Wal-Mart, I suddenly had a stomachache and wanted to rush into the bathroom. As soon as I squatted down, I started an earth-shattering eruption. As a result, the child next door burst into tears. Her mother asked her what was wrong, and she said, it stinks ~ ~

9 A friend wants to check the phone bill, and sends a text message to 10086: How much is my phone bill left?

10 My roommate played a trick on me and hid my wallet in a small box. The problem with MD is that the small box is a gift I want to give to a female netizen in Guangzhou. I am so awesome that I found my wallet missing after two days of mailing. I am in Wuhan, and my ID card, bank card and girlfriend photos are all in the hands of female netizens in Guangzhou.

1 1 When I was in high school, I always got together to smoke after class.

I happened to have something to tell you that day, so I started smoking slowly.

Everyone else has finished smoking, and I have half left. When I saw that the class was about to start, I took two sips.

Suddenly the head teacher came in. I threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it with my foot.

But the two cigarettes just inhaled have to hold their breath.

The class teacher read it and asked me, do you smoke?

I shook my head.

Class teacher: Tell me.

Keep shaking your head

The head teacher is angry: you talk to me.

Me: I ... don't ... smoke ... (as smoke comes out of my nose and mouth)

The class teacher couldn't hold back his laughter. ...

12 First time to eat Italian pizza. I didn't know what to eat, so I ordered a set meal in 8 yuan, 38 yuan, and a cheese.

After dinner, I found something missing. When I remembered, I was missing a piece of cheese.

So he shouted, waiter, why hasn't my cheese been served yet? I ate it all. Should I let others eat it?

Waiter: Sir, your cheese has been poured on your pizza …

Me: Nothing, you go and get busy ...

13 once rented Conan in Mamba, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know what the hell drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, this is the murderer. ...

14 A true story next door to my sophomore year. ..

A teacher found him sleeping in class.

He was angry and asked A to solve the problem in front of the blackboard … ..

If you can't write, prepare to humiliate A in public.

In fact, Teacher A began to sour him before he went to the blackboard. ..

It's a shame to dare to sleep in class with such poor grades.

Is your head at home … you just sleep all day …

I didn't expect him to write … and solve it beautifully …

The teacher was a little embarrassed ... so I had to let him go back to his seat and leave him alone. ...

I didn't expect him to choke on the teacher. ...

I'm going to sleep first.

Ask me if there will be any in the future.

15 I heard from a friend that a relative of one of his colleagues came to Chongqing, and the relative gave him a Chongqing E cartoon and got on the bus. The man showed the driver an electronic cartoon and wanted to find a place. The driver stopped him and said, "Look at the card", so he picked up the E cartoon and read it aloud. The driver said, "Look over there."

1.

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me.

I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. ...

So ... I will be a cow and a horse in my next life ... and I will definitely pull up grass for you to eat. ...

2.

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

I'm telling you, it's okay. You didn't press a fart!

3.

I miss you very much, but I'm sorry to call you.

I'm afraid you're busy, I'm afraid you ignore me, I'm afraid you think I'm harassing you,

I really want to contact you, but ...

The telephone bill is really expensive, please call me!

4.

If you were a meteor, I would chase you,

If you were a satellite, I would wait for you.

If you were a star, I would fall in love with you.

Unfortunately ... you are an orangutan ~ I can only see you in the zoo! ! Oh, what a pity! !

5.

Now I am confused .. I don't know what I am thinking. ..

My mind is bored to death .. I really don't know what to do. ..

Can you tell me ... I really don't know whether to eat Regan Noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles!

6.

Thank you for being with me when I was most frustrated.

I reached out when I needed help most, and I have countless words to say.

Just want to tell you:

"Nothing good has happened since I met you! You are a loser! 」

7.

I'm sorry to send you a message so late ~ ~

If it bothers you ~ ~ I'll tell you here ~ ~

Serves you right ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me ~ ~ ~ Hehe! !

8.

Meeting you is the beginning of my heart.

Falling in love with you is my happy choice.

Having you is my most precious wealth.

Stepping into the red carpet is my eternal motivation.

The person you love forever is you.

Unfortunately ~ I sent it to the wrong person

10.

Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in past lives.

Maybe all this is predestined, pulling us together,

Now I really want to say ...

What evil did I do in my last life!

1 1.

Starting from tomorrow, the municipal government has decided to drive away all the young people with mental retardation who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance!

Hurry up and pack your things, go out and take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember!

You are welcome!

12.

God saw your desire and created water;

God saw that you were hungry and created rice.

God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me;

However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

13.

If the government stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I'd rather it was you.

Till death do us part, I have no regrets!

But it happened that the government didn't stipulate … then forget it!

14.

Miss you is a happy thing!

Nice to meet you!

Loving you is what I will always do!

Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing!

But? I lied to you, and it just happened! Ha ha!

15.

The phone rings, which means I'm thinking of you!

Two voices mean I like you!

Three voices mean I love you!

When the seventh sound sounded. ...

Shit, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone!

16.

According to statistics, people over 99.9 who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read short messages!

Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late. Pig head! hahaha

17.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away;

I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea;

I wrote your name in every corner …

* *, I was taken away by the police!

18.

If it's a mistake to be good-looking … then I'm all wet.

If loveliness is a crime ... I have committed a heinous crime.

It's hard to be a man! ... you'll be fine ~ Yes, you're not guilty ... I envy you.

19.

When the white clouds pass by, it is the trace of my missing you;

When the sun shines, that's my miss for you;

When it rains, it is proof that I miss you;

When it thundered, that's when I prayed to heaven that you were hit ... haha-

20.

If I burn incense and meet you in a year,

It took three years to get to know you.

Ten years of burning incense can cherish you,

For the happiness of my next life, I am willing to ... convert to Christianity.