Humorous dialogue between husband and wife

Complete works of humorous dialogue between husband and wife

Humorous things always make us laugh, which brings a lot of happiness to our quiet life. We often have parties with humorous words. So the following is a complete collection of humorous conversations between husband and wife.

Humorous dialogue between husband and wife 1 1, there is no water to drink at home, and I don't boil water. My husband is angry.

The husband said, "I will be angry if you are so lazy again!" " "

I asked him, "What happens when you are angry?"

The husband said, "Dare to be angry and dare not speak."

2. I said, "Wife, let's get a divorce. I will give you all my house deposits and I will go out clean. "

She put the kitchen knife on the chopping board and said, "Come on, wash yourself first, and then you can go."

I got off work early today and went home to cook.

The wife wiped her mouth after eating: "when my career is successful, I will definitely not let you go to work." You cook a meal every day. "

I can't help but be happy, thinking about waking up naturally every day, not having to squeeze the bus, playing games at home, and cooking a meal when I arrive. ...

The more I think about it, the happier I am. Unconsciously, I finished brushing the bowl, sweeping the floor and washing the clothes.

While walking in the park, the couple saw a man and a woman kissing passionately on the bench. ...

The wife said plaintively, "Why can't you be like that man?"

Husband: "I don't know that woman!" "

5. My husband is a little weak. Red and green are hard to distinguish.

One night, I read to him with a newspaper: "According to research, 69% of men have confidantes ..."

Humorous dialogue between husband and wife 2 1. Husband and wife go out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, "This, this slope is really steep, it's really difficult to climb, and I'm exhausted!" " My wife echoed, "Yes, if I hadn't stepped on the brakes tightly, we would have slipped down." "

2. Wife: "What do you think of sex? Husband: "No opinions, but there are many ways. 」

One day, a classmate's girlfriend came to the dormitory to look for him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, and his girlfriend was sitting on his bed waiting for him. When she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a pair of calligraphy couplets hanging on the bedside: spring blossoms, and one person enjoys endless happiness. The woman thought, "I didn't expect him to write calligraphy and enjoy flowers." Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes moved up, but suddenly was livid. See a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

Introduce my boyfriend to my best friend. At the subway station, I went with my best friend and met my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend feel that I have a close relationship with him, I tried to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward in a panic and hugged my boyfriend's thigh, so the tragedy happened. My boyfriend is nearsighted. Didn't even recognize me then. He even came back and said, no money, no money, go away.

Xiao Zhang has just been promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited that when he came home late at night and entered the room in the dark, he excitedly shouted, "I'm the vice president!" " Then his wife said in bed, "Go to bed, and your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."

6. On the train, a man and a woman met by chance. The problem was that they were in the same sleeping car. Of course it was embarrassing at first, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep. Men slept in the upper bunk and women slept in the lower bunk.

In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping in the lower bunk: "I'm sorry, I froze to death up there." Can you pass me another blanket? " The woman looked at the man with water in her eyes and said to him, "I have a better idea." Shall we pretend to be husband and wife? " The man paused, but immediately promised: "Good, great, what a surprise!" " "He was obviously a little overexcited." So what do we do now? " ......

7, the husband and wife are not harmonious, each sleeps separately, does not talk to each other, and has something to write. One day, my husband left his wife a note saying that I was going to work and would call me tomorrow. At his wife's bedside, An Lan fell asleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. I looked at my wife's room and found her long gone. I couldn't go back to my room. I found a note on my pillow, which said, you damn fool, it's already halfway through, and I still can't get up.

8. If your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? New wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! I'm inseparable from him, and I don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She said that smoking for two people costs more than smoking for one person.

Whenever my wife and I quarrel, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical No, she exposed me. She won't lose anything. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are healthy! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

9. the Monkey King got into Princess Iron Fan's belly and borrowed a banana fan. Look at the dialogue below. Wukong said, "Sister-in-law, I'm already in you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it ... Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Please open your mouth quickly. Princess Iron Fan: "Hinder" Niu Wangmo from listening outside the door, leaving a divorce agreement ... and moving away from home.

10, girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and send it to his girlfriend. The number stands for "I love you all my life". After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome boy takes a closer look, and the original number is

1 1, wife: "How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste?" Husband: "Just so-so." Wife: "What about burning eggplant?" Husband: "Not bad." Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?" Husband: "Just make do." Wife: "You are a good word. Can you die? " Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

12, take daughter-in-law to climb the mountain. . Rest in the gazebo at the top of the mountain. Hug your daughter-in-law intimately and make a strong kiss, but she suddenly said, brother-in-law, don't do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .

Humorous dialogue between husband and wife 3. Selected humorous paragraphs of husband and wife dialogue

1, Wife: What do you say I wear a bikini to this seaside party? Dave: No! So people will think you got married after my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair be ugly? Dave: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with hair. Wife: Let's see if I broke my palm. Dave: Don't look, there must be. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined by you? Wife: Boss, give my husband a bottle of rice wine. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his capacity for drinking. ......

A couple has been married for many years. Suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband, "Do you like my beauty or my cuteness?" The husband replied, "I just like your humor."

The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband, "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." The husband asked, "What if I can't win?" The wife said, "Then buy it for me!"

Husband: Shaving in the morning makes me feel young! Wife: Hum! In that case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Honey, I don't look like my mother in this dress, do I? Husband: No, like parents. Husband: If I didn't make a lot of money, how could I have this home? Wife: You're right. If I had no money, I wouldn't go into this house.

5, only to find that condoms have such a lovely name, called fairy. . . So ... Ready to sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is an elf. They are thin and transparent, smooth and beautiful. They travel freely in the big black forest, safe and considerate to prevent being fathers ~

6. Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party. We were so happy that I blurted out with great excitement: "Great L, I must be a stepmother after the baby is born!" " Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I was wrong, so I quickly changed my mouth. "No, I mean stepmother." Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

Wife: Your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: Good. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's great! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Dave: Soon. ...

8. One day, I had a nice dinner and exercised in the square of the community. There is also a beautiful mm exercising in the spacewalker next to me. I started talking to her, and it was very speculative, which made me feel like a long time ago.

At this time, I don't know where a child appeared, and kept shouting in my distance: "Dad, Dad!" " "She and I turned to see more. I said to her, "Whose child is this? Probably looking for dad! " She said, "Is it possible that the child has been separated from his family? "We continue to talk.

Unexpectedly, the child came to me and hugged my thigh tightly. I immediately said to her, "Whose child is this?" So cute! "At this time, the child's mouth jumped up again:" Dad, dad. " ......

9. The TV series that watched the police solve the case with mm disappeared when the real murderer was about to surface. Then we chat with each other. Mm: "Do you know how to identify the real murderer?" I thought about it: "That depends on the probative power of the evidence." Mm: "No, no, like me, my chest collapses and lies flat, and flat is the real chest."

Classic humorous jokes of husband and wife dialogue

Husband: "Husband, I have bought all the cosmetics you want. Please buy some for me!" " "

Wife: "Of course, this big bag of washing powder is for you!" " "

2. Me: You were really happy when you were a child. You can eat foreign fast food, so I have to eat steamed bread to go to school.

Wife: Steamed bread is green food. How nutritious! Look at you, how smart you are to raise steamed bread. You can catch up with me.

3. Me: I was miserable when I was a child. I have to cut cattle after school.

Wife: I am more bitter than you! After school, I will also go to the countryside to collect grass and feed my rabbit (my wife's pet). Think about it, how tired it is on such a hot day.

Me: But besides mowing the cows, I have to help my mother grow vegetables.

Wife: You are very good. Everyone is helpful. I am in pain. The strawberries I grow have to be watered and mowed every day, expecting them to grow up without help.

Me: How many strawberries did you grow?

Wife: A pot.

As soon as a woman passes by, her skin relaxes and her stomach begins to look fat.

One day, I pinched the meat on my stomach and said, "I have gained weight, and I have three circles on my stomach."

The husband smiled: "Run one more lap and you will be Audi!" "

My wife is watching a blind date program. When she saw a fat female guest holding hands with the man she was in love with, she said to her husband, "If this woman likes you, do you want it?"

Husband: "I don't like fat people."

Wife: "What will you do if I gain weight?"

Husband: "What can I do? I will put it in my hand. "

Wife: ...

6, anonymous has been chest tightness, poor breathing, go to the hospital to see a doctor. The old doctor smiled after listening to the question, and then asked, "Is your feeling of chest tightness and poor breathing obvious during the day and not obvious at night?" This woman recalled that it was true. The old doctor said: the bra is small. ...

7. A: I heard that a buddy shook hands with a woman and she got pregnant. Is it possible? A: This guy doesn't like to wash his hands, and neither do women ~

8. The wife asked: How do you know that two of the four flies killed were male and the other two were female?

The husband replied: I killed the two males on the bottle and the two females on the mirror.

9. Madam: The woman next door is wearing the same clothes as mine.

Husband: Do you want to buy a new set?

Madam: Of course, it's cheaper than moving to a new house.

10, a couple watched the dance in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion: This world is really strange. Beautiful women are married to ugly people, and every ugly fool has a beautiful wife.

The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up.

1 1, wife: husband, a first-class man, obedient at home; Second-class men never quarrel; A third-class man will never dominate. Honey, what kind of person are you?

Husband: Let men do it. I want to be a woman.

12, one day, my boyfriend came to meet me at the subway station on a motorcycle. I deliberately asked: "Master, how much is it to the garden community?" The boyfriend said, "No money, just give me a kiss." So I kissed him and got in his car. A "motorcycle" master next to me was stupid and kindly reminded me: "Little girl, don't be fooled!"

13, one night, I played a race with my boyfriend, and I was soon left behind, so I shouted at him, "Robbery!" Passers-by looked at us in succession, so my boyfriend had to slow down. I overtook him at once, so he had to run with me. I couldn't shake him off, so I started shouting, "Robbery!"

14, once, my husband drove me downstairs to the company. It occurred to me that I pressed my face against the window. My facial features were twisted and I shouted, "Help! Help! " My husband put his hand on my head and pushed it out desperately. Just then, the security uncle in the building opened the car door in a dream and said, "I saved you."

15, my husband bought me a mobile phone. On the bus back, I suddenly asked him: "This let your wife know, are you going to get more than one bargained for?" Who knows that my husband took my words and said, "Who told you not to build a big house, but to be a second house?" At this time, everyone next to us squinted at us. Not to be outdone, I said, "Don't you know that you are a little favored?" .

After reading this, my husband smiled and said, "This is pure nonsense!" "

I joked, "To tell the truth, do you have a confidante?"

My husband smiled and said, "You always call me red and green, even if I have a confidante, I can't tell!" "

16, woke up WC in the morning and accidentally woke up his wife. She looked at the clock and slapped me: it's almost 8 o'clock. Why didn't you wake me up? What should I do if I am late?

I am very wronged to say that today is the weekend.

She slapped me again: You know it's the weekend, can't you get up quietly? Can't I sleep more? . . .

17, I woke up earlier the other day. When I looked at my head, my husband woke up.

He looked at me, and I looked at him and smiled at each other. . .

I whispered shyly to him, "honey, you are willing to do anything."

He sat up with a skid: "As you said, get up and go out to buy pancake fruit. I want two eggs. " . . "

18, my husband is a lawyer, specializing in divorce proceedings.

Q: "Husband, don't engage in divorce proceedings in the future. Breaking up other families is a bit immoral. "

Husband: "tear down a pair and make two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds."

19, the couple divorced for their children. In court, my wife confidently admitted: Of course, the baby born in my belly is mine.

The husband said angrily, nonsense. Can the money in the ATM go to the ATM? It's not about who inserted the card. The judge fainted on the spot, and even the lawyer admired him.

The wife then said, if it comes out as counterfeit money, do you want it? Everyone present passed out and didn't wake up …

20. My wife peeled a banana and fed it to me. As soon as she opened her mouth, she stuffed the whole banana into my mouth like lightning …

I asked her angrily why.

She said: I just want to tell you that this is uncomfortable! uncomfortable