Classic joke story

Jokes are characterized by short pictures, simple and ingenious stories, which are often unexpected and give people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Joke is a language form processed by art, and it is an artistic language. The following are the classic joke stories I collected, for reference only, hoping to help everyone.

Classic joke story 1 "Bad habits of rich people"

The son of a rich family went to take an exam, and his father gave him a test in advance. He got good grades and thought he would be admitted. Unexpectedly, there is no son's name on the list. Father hurried to the county magistrate for trial. The magistrate turned to look at the scroll and saw a faint mist on it, but there were no words.

As soon as dad got home, he scolded, "Why is your paper so ugly?"

My son cried and said, "No one grinds ink for me in the examination room, so I have to dip my pen in water and write on the inkstone."

Baby elephant shit

In the morning, the hippo who went out for a walk was very surprised. It stinks in the open air today. "Where is smelly? Where is it smelly? " The hippo asked and looked.

Fish, lions, monkeys and hedgehogs are all gathered around. "Where is smelly? Where is it smelly? " Everyone was looking for it, "click" and "click", and I saw several stools in the middle of the clearing. "Wow, it's so big!" Hippo said. "Whose shit is it?" The crocodile asked. "This is an elephant's." The lion said. "How big!" Said the monkey. "Maybe it's shit from the sky." Hedgehog said. "The sky won't shit." Hippo said with a smile. "However, sometimes I pee." The crocodile said. "Maybe sometimes I shit." Said the monkey. "Maybe!" Everyone nodded and said yes.

So, they stood in the open space together and looked at the sky.

"Sorry, sorry, it's my shit." The elephant came running in a hurry. "I'll clean it up right away." Elephants began to suck sand through their noses to bury feces.

"Wait a minute." The monkey said, "I want to shit this big, too."

"I want to, too." "I want to, too." Everybody say it one by one.

Then, they asked the elephant, "Why did you pull such a big shit?"

"That's because I ate too much!" Said the elephant.

"Really? Then we will work hard to eat! " Everyone said together, "Let's have a quiet game tomorrow morning."

This is a lively era.

Hippos, crocodiles, lions, hedgehogs and monkeys have been eating since they got home. Losing to an elephant doesn't matter!

Eat, eat. Everyone's stomach is full.

The next morning, everyone gathered in the middle of the clearing.

"One, two, three!" Finally, the elephant took the biggest shit.

"Ah, my youngest." Hedgehog said sadly.

"Ah, I lost!" Hippo, crocodile, lion and monkey all said sadly.

"Yes, I am still the biggest!" The elephant lifted its nose proudly.

Then mom and dad came and said, "What did you do? The clearing stinks! Clean it up Clean it up quickly! Clean up today! "

Everyone jumped up in fright and started cleaning at once.

So, who is the first one this time?

The first one is the hedgehog with the smallest feces.

Classic joke story 2 serious physical defects

A female camel confided to another camel, "Oh, I'm really unhappy. My only baby daughter has serious physical defects. "

"What's wrong with her?"

"She has no hunchback!"

Fortunately, it runs fast.

A little snail had just climbed over a bridge when suddenly the bridge collapsed.

The little snail sighed with sweat. "Mom, I can't run fast and I lost my life."

Not an escalator

In the morning, a buddy walked to the front of the stairs and stood motionless on the first step.

After a long time, he suddenly woke up and shouted, "isn't this an escalator?" ! "

Calm; calm

I work in a hospital. One day, an earthquake happened. At this time, everyone went out. Only the old director of internal medicine calmly held the wall and took out two antihypertensive drugs ... he thought his blood pressure was very high.

Only old four makes money alone.

Old man: Three of my four sons are MBA students.

Friend: What does the fourth one do?

Old man: He never went to school and became a thief.

Friend: Then you can't kick him out of the house?

Old man: Get rid of him? He is the only one who makes money.

Like a tiger, no one dares to touch its back ―― without being provoked.

Why do you say "the tiger's ass can't be touched"?

Answer: because touching the tiger's ass, the tail will throw people's hands to the ground, which is very painful.

Tiger's ass is too big.

Touching the tiger's ass is uncivilized behavior.

The door was open.

Computer examination, first in the preparation area, and then through a large glass door into the examination area. After I finished the exam, I touched the door for a long time, but I couldn't touch the glass. The kind teacher next to me reminded me: "classmate, the door is open."

......

Which university are you from?

The old man fell on the road, and a young man like a student stepped forward to help him. The old man said in horror, "classmate, which university are you from?"

A changeable figure

The moon wants her mother to make her a dress.

Mother replied, "Your figure is changing every day. I can make you a suit there! "

The most popular woman with men

At present, there are four kinds of women who are most popular with men. They are: white rich beauty, short rich beauty, white poor beauty and short poor beauty.

"helpful"

A man said to the cleaner, if it weren't for people like us who litter, you would have been laid off.

We raised you. I call it helping others.

The cleaner said, I'm going to work in the crematorium tomorrow, and I'm going to be laid off if no one dies.

You are so helpful, or you will die!

Open girls can't catch up.

Two good friends and colleagues chased a girl named Qu. ......

In order to be a good girl, a buddy changed the name of qq to "Rhapsody".

Another buddy was even more ruthless and changed it to "Crazy Episode".

As a result, the girl promised her qq friend to call it crazy episode, which the open girl could not afford. ......

Never see me again

A black man was bitten by lice. He blew out the candle and said, let you never see me again.

Fight for a job

A person with high myopia has to squeeze the bus to work every day. On this day, there were so many people that his glasses were squeezed out. He felt on the ground, but couldn't find it.

When he was about to get on the bus, he saw a hat under his nose, so he grabbed it and put it on his head and squeezed into the car. As a result, a man grabbed him again and again and shouted, "Sir, why did you take my job if you didn't give it to me?"

Because I've never been caught

When a person applies for a job, he must fill in the application form whether he has been arrested before. Of course, he filled in: "No!" "

The next question is: "Why?"

This is for the person who wrote "Yes" to the last question, but he still wrote: "Because I have never been caught!" "

Classic joke story 3 tree hugging

During the military training of the recruits, the instructor said to the recruits, "Count off in the first row (hold the tree)!"

Xiaojun looked at the coach in surprise.

The instructor said it again strangely: "Count off in the first row! (Holding a tree) "

Xiaojun is still very helpless and surprised to look at the coach.

The instructor said loudly again, "Count off in the first row! (Holding a tree) "

So Xiaojun reluctantly went to the tree to hold it.

There was a traffic jam one year.

There was a traffic jam one year, and all the roads where cars could go were blocked. I can't help it People can only fly. As a result, because there were too many planes, the airport was saturated and the plane could not land. The relevant departments have to use helicopters to deliver meals to passengers.

Teachers should have the mentality of keeping up with the joneses. "Hey ~ how did he give a higher score than me? I have to add ten points to my classmates! "

A prisoner tried to escape from prison, but was soon caught. The warden asked him, "Why did you escape from prison?" "Because the food in prison is terrible!" The prisoner replied. "Then what did you use to break the iron bars on the fence?" The warden asked again. Prisoner: "Steamed bread last night!" The delivery man is at a construction site. One noon, when the workers were about to get off work, the boss found a man standing on the construction site reading comic books. The boss walked up to the man and asked, "What's your monthly salary?" The man replied: "1000 yuan." Without saying anything, the boss took out his wallet from his pocket, counted out 1000 yuan and threw it at him, yelling, "This is your salary this month, leave the company at once!" After the man left, Yunu's boss asked the worker next to him, "Which department is he from?" The staff said cautiously, "He's here to deliver fast food."

Classic joke story 4 knowing clocks and watches

The father taught his little daughter to read the clock. He pointed to the clock and said, "This represents hours, this represents minutes, and this represents seconds."

The youngest daughter winked: "I know this. But dad, who will stand for a while? "

Why did you take my job?

I am highly nearsighted, and I have to squeeze the bus to and from work every day. Once, I broke my glasses for thousands of degrees and hurried to work, so I had to go to the bus stop in a daze. mass line

People crowded the car and squeezed my sun hat down, which was a mess. Now I'm in a panic. I can't find a few on the ground.

Just when I was depressed, someone handed me my hat. I grabbed a hat and put it on my head, thanked me and ran to the car.

Just as I was about to get on the bus, I was suddenly pulled down. I looked back and found that the man was very angry and shouted to me, "Sir, why did you take my job if you didn't give me money?"

Fish of last week

One day I went to the canteen to eat and found that the fish was not very fresh. I said to the cook, "Master, I found that the fish this week is not as delicious as last week."

The master said, "Nonsense, this is last week's fish!" " "

A painful thing

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of school? I went to class, and the teacher didn't call the roll!

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of school? The teacher didn't go to class to call the roll!

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of school? The first class didn't call the roll, but the teacher called the roll when the second class left!

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