A joke about drinking gasoline.

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

It is said that a lady bought a female parrot on a whim. I didn't expect to take it home. The first thing it said was, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

When the lady heard this, she thought: No, outsiders thought I was teaching this, which didn't ruin my image as a lady. So she tried her best to give the parrot something elegant, but the mother parrot was very determined and would only say, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

..... What should I do? When the lady lost her mind, she heard that the priest had a parrot (male). The parrot not only didn't swear, but also was a devout believer, praying most of the time every day. So the lady went to the priest for help. After understanding her purpose, the priest looked a little embarrassed and said, "Well, it's difficult. In fact, the parrot didn't deliberately teach it anything. The reason why I am so pious may be because I have been edified here for a long time. "

Seeing that the lady was very depressed, the priest said, "Tell you what, you bring me that parrot and I'll put them together." . I hope your parrot will be affected after a period of time. That's all I can do. It's up to God ... "

Hearing this, the lady can only do this. Isn't there a saying: Is it near Zhu Zhechi? Just try it. So she took the parrot to see the priest. The priest put two parrots together as promised. At first, the female parrot was a little stiff. Seeing the male parrot in the corner of the cage and praying silently, I really can't bear to bother. But she still can't help herself. Finally, the clear voice said, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

Hearing this, the male parrot stopped praying, turned to look at the female parrot, and suddenly burst into tears: "Thank God, my wish of praying for so many years has finally come true ..."

7. Girls should not say that.

A man said to a woman, "I invite you to dinner."

The woman said, "Some other time."

8.saving bucket

A widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "Do you fucking think I'm a money bucket?"

9. Internship

A large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milked the cows. After the demonstration, they were taught to try for themselves. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow.

10, a handsome guy wants to buy condoms.

A handsome guy wants to buy condoms, but he doesn't know the size. The waitress had no choice but to check it and said to her colleagues around her: a box of 5 inches, oh, no, 7 inches ... Oh, my God, go and get the toilet paper. . . . . . . .

1 1, ran into an ex-girlfriend flirting with a new lover.

Shadow Pig has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

12, gone.

Roll call after class. If you don't come, 50 points will be deducted from the final grade! When I saw a brother, I jumped over inexplicably, and he shouted, "Teacher, you are beside the point!" " "

The old teacher over sixty lowered his head and said, "No ~"

13. One summer, a young man in slippers got on a bus. He sat down and crossed his legs. Opposite him sat a girl in a miniskirt (without underwear), and the bus left! ! Suddenly! A brake! Boys' feet are inserted into girls' BB, hey! That's what happened! After two days, the girl felt that her BB was very uncomfortable and went to the hospital. When the doctor examined her, she was surprised and said, "Wow, your BB has beriberi, which is very strange."

Just then, the door was pushed open and another doctor broke in and said, "What's so strange about this? There was a young man with syphilis on his feet just now! ! "。

14, before the masquerade, the wife suddenly felt unwell and asked her husband to go to the party alone. Later, the wife felt better, put on a fashion that her husband had never seen before, and drove to the dance. Just entering the door, the wife saw her husband flirting with other women, so she was jealous and decided to test her husband. She walked up to her husband and threw herself at him with a charming voice. Finally, he was lured to the back garden to have fun. In the middle of the night, when everyone was about to take off their underwear, their wife quietly left. And her husband didn't come back until three in the morning.

"How was the dance?" The wife asked. "It's not funny at all." The husband replied. "What the hell did you do there?"

The wife asked repeatedly. "To tell you the truth," said the husband, "when I got there, I saw some friends without their wives, so we played cards in the study." "Have you been playing cards all night?" The wife screamed. "Yes, but I lent my clothes and mask to another old friend. That guy boasted to me at the end of the dance that it was the best night of his life!

15, wedding night, the bride has undressed and gone to bed.

The groom also took off his coat, shirt and tie, but when he got the shoes, he was in trouble.

Because the shoelaces won't untie, the more you tie them, the more you tie them. The bride was anxious and said, "What a fool! There is a knife there, just cut it with a knife! " "

The bride's mother eavesdropped in the next room to see if everything was satisfactory. Hearing the bride say this, she shouted, "No, you can't use a knife." She said through the wall, "Tell him to wipe some saliva."

16, there is a couple. The husband likes bowling very much, but he is also afraid of his wife, who loves smoking. One night, the wife found that she had run out of cigarettes, so she told her husband to buy them. The husband had no choice but to buy it, but it was already late and the nearby grocery stores were closed, which worried him. The husband suddenly thought that there should be smoke in the bar, so he went and went to the bar.

In the middle of the night, the husband suddenly thought that he forgot to buy cigarettes for his wife. He was afraid that his wife would kill him if she knew, so he asked the lady if she had talcum powder. The lady was very strange, but she gave it to him anyway. The husband put talcum powder on his hands and went home. As soon as he entered the house, the husband saw his wife standing there angrily. The wife asked her husband, "Where have you been?"

The husband honestly replied, "There was no place to sell cigarettes on the roadside, so I went to the bar. When we get to the bar and see a beautiful woman, we will strike up a conversation, and then we will get a room. "

After listening, the wife said to her husband, "Give me your hand!" "

The husband obediently held out his hand for his wife to see. The wife was furious and said, "I didn't say you went bowling with your friends!" " What happened to your hand! "

17, a couple went to live in the suburbs, and the hotel owner told them to bear it, because the power was often cut off at night because there was not enough electricity.

Unexpectedly, the couple not only didn't mind, but also felt very exciting, so they agreed to make out as soon as the power went out.

Sure enough, at night, the electricity was cut off every two hours. After several times, the man had to drag his tired body to consult with the hotel owner. "Boss, I am willing to pay more, but would you please do me a favor and turn off the electricity every four hours?"

The hotel owner smiled awkwardly and said, "I'd be happy to help you, but it's a pity that you came a little late." Your girlfriend has just given me more money on condition that the electricity is stopped every half hour! " "

18, carrot sees ham sausage and says: Wow! Too rich. I'm wearing a fur coat. Sausage: What's this? Look at sausages. They are wearing real leather, and we are still wearing this kind of artificial leather.

19. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo listens to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! " The frog said, "Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!" " ~~

It is said that a shy little boy was attracted by a beautiful and elegant woman. Shy, he secretly observed her life every day, and finally found a cycle-she had to go to the noodle restaurant to eat noodles one day a week.

He felt the time was ripe, so he waited for her at the noodle restaurant one day. When she walked into the shop and sat down, he took a deep breath and strode forward to ask her name.

He said, "Miss, what's your name?"

The young lady opened her eyes wide and said to him, "My name is beef noodles."

2 1. A couple watched people dancing in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion, "This world is really strange. That ugly and stupid man has a beautiful wife. " The wife smiled and said, "honey, you are really flattering."