I heard that you once loved me.

I had a nightmare. When I woke up, the sweat stains on the pillow were clearly visible. I raised my right hand and stroked the bangs on my forehead, which were also wet. I brushed my forehead with my hand and rubbed it gently. It really hurts.

I got up, opened the drawer of the bedside table, picked up a painkiller and stuffed it into my mouth. Close your eyes, dreams reappear, and I frown.

In my dream, I was in the endless desert, and my lips were chapped and speechless because of excessive water shortage. I was lying on the beach, so sad that I wanted to die. And next to Bai Yansheng coldly looking down at me, holding a bottle of water, without any expression.

He stood high above my head. I climbed to his feet and asked him to give me some water to drink. While Bai Yansheng shook his head, slowly back, back again, into a white dot, disappeared in the sky. At the moment when he disappeared, all my will to survive collapsed.

This is the first time I dreamed of Yan Sheng after he left.

Bai Yansheng in the dream, just like the day he left, was firm and indifferent.

Bai Yansheng, this is the 599th day since I lost you.

I naively thought that Bai Yansheng would be an oasis in my poor life, but I never thought that he would push me to a deeper abyss.

You are not an oasis, but a mirage.

You came, you left, just like a dream, the music is over.

0 1

At the end of work, the department always shouted at me: "Yang Mi, you have some details of this project at hand, so you need to contact customer Party B again. The child at home has a fever. I have to go back at once. I can only let you go to the appointment for the time being. You are familiar with the project you took over. I have reserved a restaurant, so you can go there now. "

The boss gave me some details to clarify and left in a hurry. I glanced through it, kept it in mind, then went to the bathroom to fix my makeup, and then rushed to the appointed restaurant.

Pushing open the glass door of the restaurant, there is already a person sitting at Table 8. I looked at the time to make sure that I was not late. He turned his back on me, wearing a red and white striped shirt and rolled up his cuffs, revealing his beautiful wrist and expensive watch.

There is a computer on the desk. He was so absorbed in answering the email that he didn't notice my arrival. He picked up the coffee at hand and took a sip. When he put it back, Yu Guang saw me. He looked up slightly, smiled at the healing department, got up and held out his right hand. "Hello, my name is Bai Yansheng. Sorry, I have something urgent to deal with just now. "

That was the first time I met Bai Yansheng.

I walked over, and the afterglow of the sunset fell on his face through the glass. The buttonwood leaves outside the window swayed with the wind, and the light and shadow jumped back and forth on his face. White face and yellow face are really funny.

I couldn't help laughing and forgot to introduce myself.

He may also feel a little confused. He unconsciously touched his face and stared at me in amazement for a while. To be exact, he stared at my face for a long time, for several minutes. If I hadn't adjusted my makeup in front of the mirror before getting off the bus, I would have thought I had carved a flower on my face.

I quickly waved my hand and told him, "There is nothing on your face."

We all sat down, and about an hour after dinner, we solved everything. When I learned that I wanted to take a taxi home alone, Bai Yansheng insisted on seeing me off, saying that it was not safe for a girl at night.

I hesitated for a few seconds and felt that it was not a good thing to disturb the customer rashly.

He seems to realize something. "I'm sorry, Miss Yang, I was so abrupt."

I smiled. "No, I bothered you."

He looked at me stupefied, and I vaguely felt that he was looking at others through my face.

Before leaving, he said, "I think I have seen you somewhere."

I smiled. "Mr. Bai, is this your usual way of picking up girls?"

Say that finish, I picked up the coat hanging on the chair and strode to the door.

02

In the next few days, there will be missed calls with the same strange number on the mobile phone. At first, I thought it was an insurance company or a sales office selling houses. But later, my intuition told me that this number should be Bai Yansheng's.

It was not until the fifth day that I walked out of the company and met Bai Yansheng. He leaned against the car and looked at the people coming and going as if looking for something. Seeing me, my eyes lit up. I pretended not to see him and walked to the other side by myself.

Bai Yansheng stopped me. "Miss Yang, please wait a moment."

I stopped, turned around and was about to speak. He interrupted me first and handed me a big shoulder bag. "Is this bag yours?"

It turns out that I will be wrong. I thought he would be interested in me. I am full of drama for so many days, but I am romantic.

I suddenly felt a little annoyed and embarrassed, took the bag, said thank you politely and ran away.

I lost a bag two months ago. There is nothing valuable in it, and the ID card is not in that bag. Just a few bank cards at most. It is a big deal to go to the bank to reissue it, but it is more troublesome. At that time, I didn't care about packet loss, and I didn't expect someone to send it back.

I went through my bag. Everything in it is there, and there is a photo of my parents in the mezzanine. So, where did he say he had seen me? It should be this photo.

To thank you, I took the initiative to treat Bai Yansheng to a meal.

After dinner, we walked along the river. The moonlight was bright and we walked side by side. As we get closer, the shadows will overlap. We smiled at each other and continued the topic just now.

Bai Yansheng suddenly turned his face. "Yang Mi, do you think I am hostile to you and refuse to answer the phone?"

I scratched my head embarrassedly and smiled embarrassedly. Maybe I'll tell him how much I lack love to be so romantic.

"Well, what if I say so?" Bai Yansheng was joking, but his expression was serious.

I was shocked and tried to hide my inner shock. I followed his joke and said, "Oh, Miss Bai, is this a confession?"

Bai Yansheng laughed.

That night, I stayed up almost all night, tossing and turning, watching the sky slowly emerge from the east, and then fell asleep when the red sun appeared.

The cruelest thing in the world, that is to say, that person is careless and only treats it as a joke, but the listener is easy to fall into his heart and take it seriously.

You're just saying, I'm too serious.

03

In the name of this project, I went to Bai Yansheng several times. He works extremely hard and must grasp every detail accurately. No wonder he can achieve today's achievements at a young age.

After a long time, I found that the closer I got, the more attracted I was to him. Every cell in the whole body is slowly stretching, telling yourself that this is probably love.

The feelings encountered after the age of 25 are like a cup of warm water. You will keep going until the temperature is pleasant, and you will never be as reckless as you were when you were seventeen or eighteen.

I told myself time and again to be patient.

In the end, the project was very successful, which brought rich returns to both companies, and the two companies also held a celebration banquet together.

I am an alcoholic, but I drank a lot that night just to get Bai Yansheng's attention. In the back, my stomach turned badly. I vomited in the bathroom for a long time, as if I wanted to empty my whole stomach. It was very uncomfortable.

When I came out and looked up, I saw Bai Yansheng leaning against the door and handing me a tissue. "Drink less."

I took it and wiped my face and asked him, "Is it over outside?"

"Well, it's over. Go, I'll take you back. " Bai Yansheng took off his suit and put it on for me. "It's cold and windy outside. It's almost autumn."

Go outside, we all drank wine, Bai Yansheng called the driver.

The evening breeze blows gently, and I shudder unconsciously. Bai Yansheng subconsciously wrapped my coat and buttoned it. With the strength of wine, I took his hand and gently leaned on his shoulder, saying in a voice that only he could hear, "Why don't we try?"

Bai Yansheng didn't speak, but held my hand and shook me hard. My hand is wrapped in his handbag, which is warm.

Next, we often eat together, walk hand in hand, kiss and do everything that couples do. But I still feel something is missing. What it is, but I can't say.

I think we are all past the seed of love and the age of listening to love. The best way to get along is to be independent and give each other enough freedom.

I never thought about it, maybe because I don't love it.

Many years later, in retrospect, our time together was like my own one-man show.

It's like I said a lot to a wall alone, full of joy, and all I heard was the echo of the wall.

04

In the second month with Bai Yansheng, he took me to meet his friend Su Mo. When Su Mo first saw me, his expression was very strange, as if he had met an acquaintance. His outstretched hand shrank back, remained calm for a few seconds, and then stretched out his five fingers.

But this is the first time we've met,

Bai Yansheng whispered in his ear for a while. He showed his white teeth and laughed. "It was you. Two months ago, Yan Sheng and I found a bag on the street corner with your photo in it. No wonder I felt deja vu just now. I overreacted. Don't laugh. "

I smiled to show that I didn't mind.

At the same time, Bai Yansheng went out to answer a phone call. Su Mo stopped the magazine in his hand and said absently, "Yan Sheng, does he love you?"

The voice is very light, as if talking to himself. But I know what he means to me.

"Ah?" I don't know how to answer at the moment.

His eyes stayed on me for a few seconds, then he looked away and touched his chin. Before I could answer anything, he said to himself, "Yes, how can we be together without love?"

I didn't tell Su Mo, and I didn't even ask Bai Yansheng this question myself. At least, in my opinion, it is foolish for a woman to pester a man for questioning, whether you love me or not.

There is another important reason, because I am afraid.

I'm afraid that as soon as I do the experiment, Bai Yansheng will end the experiment we agreed to ahead of schedule.

Su Mo then asked me, "Do you know his past?"

I shook my head. "We haven't been together long and are getting to know each other."

Bai Yansheng took the phone and walked towards us. Su Mo changed his dignified expression and smiled. "I will tell you when I am free. We have known each other since childhood. He had many anecdotes when he was a child. "

In fact, I am full of curiosity about Bai Yansheng's past and always want to find out. But whenever I ask, he always changes the subject and seems to want to say nothing more. Later, I stopped asking.

I don't care about your past, only care about whether I will be in your future.

In this relationship, from the moment I offered to try, I was destined to be the winner. It is said that once a woman falls in love, her IQ becomes zero. I didn't believe it at first. I have always been a person with excellent self-control since I was a child. But when I arrived in Bai Yansheng, my self-control was flying.

05

I knew about Xu Wei's existence on a sunny afternoon eight months later. I made a big project and got a generous bonus. I'm going to share this happy event with Bai Yansheng.

I didn't call Bai Yansheng beforehand, so I went straight to his house. There was no one at home. I didn't know he had something in the city until I called him. Fortunately, I had the key to his house, so I entered the door myself and waited for him to come back. If you have nothing to do, clean Bai Yansheng's house

While cleaning the bookshelf, I accidentally knocked over a book and fell to the ground. There are thick photos, scattered all over the floor, one by one, scattered all over the floor.

I picked up one, and it said, Xu Wei. I turned to the front, and the people in the photo had a strange familiarity. I picked up all the photos and looked at them many times.

I came to the mirror and looked at my face carefully. There was a huge impact in my mind, hitting my heart directly. I am like a puppet. I'm not moving. Our eyebrows are so similar that they are almost identical.

In an instant, my hands and feet were weak, and the photos were scattered all over the floor, and my heart was full of despair. Hands on the washstand, fingers intertwined, nails deeply embedded in the meat. Pain wakes me up. This is not a dream, this is a reality.

Bai Yansheng came in and saw the photos on the ground, so he understood everything. He opened his mouth as if to explain something, but in the end he said nothing. He just bent down and picked up the photos one by one.

I'm waiting for your explanation, even if it's lying to me, even if it's perfunctory.

Bai Yansheng came to hug me, and I stubbornly stepped back and broke his arms. Probably saw my resistance, Bai Yansheng no longer importune, just silently lit a cigarette and frowned.

None of us spoke, so time passed. It was getting dark, the wind was too strong, and the window slammed itself.

It's too quiet between us, and the sound is particularly harsh.

I don't know how long it has been, but I feel a little tired. Bai Yansheng grabbed my head and leaned on his shoulder. I fell asleep. Half asleep, I think I heard him say, "I'm sorry."

Then I heard him say, "Yang Mi, I really want to be with you."

I can't tell whether this is a dream or a reality. If I can, I really hope I can stay awake.

06

Finally, I explained the surprised expressions of Bai Yansheng and Su Mo when they first met me, and Su Mo's inexplicable words, and I suddenly understood. Bai Yansheng, in particular, always looked at me stupefied and said nothing, as if looking at another person through me.

That man is Xu Wei.

It's not that there is no clue, but I automatically blocked it.

In the days when I didn't touch Bai Yansheng, I seemed to lose my soul, and I made mistakes in my work, even simple text typesetting. On the sixth day of continuous insomnia, I couldn't help but go to Bai Yansheng.

At six o'clock in the morning, I bought breakfast and waited in front of Bai Yansheng's house. I dare not go in, so I have to wait for him to open the door. Time passes slowly. It's really hard.

The moment I opened the door, I hugged Bai Yansheng and asked him foolishly, "Do you still want me?"

Bai Yansheng put his chin on my forehead, smiled and rubbed my hair with his right hand. "What a fool."

We made up as if nothing had happened.

I didn't ask him if I didn't answer his phone and deliberately avoided him for a few days, and if I wanted to try my best to reintegrate me into his world. I didn't ask him about Xu Wei either.

Your past, I have no time to participate. Then, I hope I am in your future. That's enough.

This quiet time, after about three months, was completely broken by the arrival of Xu Wei.

That day, I just had a rest and bought some daily necessities to send to Bai Yansheng. Met Wei Xu downstairs in the community. I recognized her at a glance, and so did she.

She brushed her long hair away from her head. "You must be Yang Mi. I heard from Yansheng's friend that you look like me, and it really is. "

With that, she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and grinned.

Before I could speak, she casually said, "Does he love you?"

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"Isn't that important? Don't you want to ask him if he is with you because you look like my face? "

My heart was shocked and my face turned pale in an instant. Xu Wei looked at me and smiled contentedly.

She put her head close to my ear, not loud, but it sounded evil. "I'm back. Guess, he will choose you or me. "

Afraid of losing Bai Yansheng prematurely, I became a deserter and didn't have the courage to face him.

I'm not giving up on you, but I don't have any chips and I don't have a chance to win.

07

I took a long vacation. I heard that Bai Yansheng came to my company several times and also came to my home. When he found me, I was watching the fog and sunset in a village, watching the smoke curling up and the geese returning to the south.

He sat beside me silently, with his hands on the pillow, lying and watching the birds flapping their wings and flying freely in the sky. After a long time, he still said, "Yang Mi, let's separate."

I turned my head with red eyes, and tears swirled in my eyes, blurring my vision. Vaguely, I also saw Bai Yansheng's eyes shining with tears. He threw his head to one side, covered his temples with his right hand, and blocked half of his face from looking at me.

"Have you ever loved me?" This is the first time I have asked him this question.

He was silent.

I kept asking, "Or am I just her body double?"

He didn't say it, but told me with his mouth, "I'm sorry."

He told me silently that he had never loved me, and some blood could not warm his cold heart after all.

Bai Yansheng left and refused, without any nostalgia.

I am alone, sitting on the hillside, facing the wind and the clouds on the horizon, suppressing my tears and tears. I still lost you.

I changed my job and city life. It's not unexpected, noisy and noisy, and I'm fine alone.

I never expected to meet Su Mo here. Su Mo opened his mouth in surprise when he saw me. We smiled politely, said hello and exchanged a few commonplaces.

Parting, Su Mo stopped me, "Yang Mi, YanSheng, he loves you. Maybe at first, he fell in love with you because you have eyebrows similar to Xu Wei's. But after getting along with you day and night, he really thought that he would go with you to the day when you were white-haired. When he said this to me, I knew that Yan Sheng loved you. "

Su Mo told me a lot about Bai Yansheng and Xu Wei that day. They have known each other for more than ten years since childhood and have been entangled together for more than ten years. It was not until Xu Wei crossed the ocean and married in the United States that this relationship was completely terminated. Bai Yansheng was depressed for a long time, and then slowly recovered, becoming Bai Yansheng who was later in high spirits.

Probably no one expected Xu Wei to come back. Even, she brought a three-year-old girl and threatened to get back together with Bai Yansheng.

On the day of paternity test, Bai Yansheng saw that the similarity was 99.99%. He sat alone in the long corridor of the hospital all day.

Before I knew it, I was in tears.

Even though I know you love me, I heard it from others.

On that day, the town experienced the biggest storm since summer. The heavy rain washed away the dust on the ground, but it couldn't wash away the remaining thoughts of you.

Why have we only been together for more than 300 days, but we seem to have lost Qian Qian a thousand times?

I love you, but I can't talk about it anymore.