A complete collection of humorous jokes

1. A pupil hid in the toilet and smoked. After being found by the teacher, he took it to the office. The teacher asked, "Why do you smoke?" The student lowered his head and said with a heavy heart, "I am depressed because the problem has not been solved!" " The teacher said: "Eat the life of gutter oil and fuck the heart of [ZHONG][NAN][HAI]."

2. In our school, teachers and students are the same toilet. The light bulb in the toilet broke down a while ago. I went out to pee at night, but I didn't see anyone in the pit, so I untied my pants and peed. And? There will be a light in our toilet! !

3. The teacher said, "You are noisy and the teacher can't give a lecture. What is your behavior?"

the student said, "it's a big surprise."

4. One day, the teacher said to the students, "If you can work out this problem, I will give everyone 5 sweets."

after a while, the students stood up one by one and asked the teacher for candy.

when the teacher saw the answer, his nose was crooked and he said angrily, "You've done everything wrong, and you dare to ask for sugar?"

The students said in unison, "You only asked for it, but you didn't say it was right!"

The teacher went out quietly. After a while, he came back and threw a bag of white sugar on the table: "Divide it, 1 each!" "

5. The college roommate hooked up with the class teacher, but the class teacher's family disagreed, forcing her to marry someone else. The day before she got married, her roommate asked her out. That night, there were tears, sweat and that kind of water. All the water has drained away! What a good teacher! He taught his students everything!

6. The teacher asked a student: Did you copy someone else's test paper?

yes. I copied some, but not all. The student replied.

so, which places are not copied?

hmm? I copied my name.

7. Teacher: "Why are you lazy? Other students move seven or eight bricks at a time, but you only move four? " Student: "No, they are lazy." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "Because they are afraid to walk more."

8. Once in a physics class, the teacher told us, "Two birds are standing on the line of fire and the other on the zero line, kissing! Why are they all dead? "

student a: "teacher, this is telling us that everyone who loves xiu will die."

teacher: "half right, I want to tell you that bird's beak conducts electricity."

student b: "damn it, it's french kiss!"

9. Teacher: Who can tell a very unexpected thing in the simplest language?

student: teacher, my dog was ill yesterday, and my father invited a vet? Later, the vet came. It turns out that veterinarians are human.

1. In the afternoon, primary school students went to physical education class, and the PE teacher arranged the team and sneezed when he shouted to stand at attention and be at ease.

I suddenly yelled, "Who is scolding me?"

As a result, a child came out in shock and said, "Excuse me, teacher?"

poor kid, aren't you so cute?

11. The teacher asked the students, "If one day. A robber TONG gave me a knife, what would you do? "

Xiao Ming: "I don't think he got it."

The teacher said, "What if you miss it?"

Xiao Ming: "Then give him a bottle of pulse and be ready for a better state at any time."

teacher: "what if it is stabbed?"

Xiao Ming: "Then give him a show. Can't stop ~ ~ ".

12. A teacher pronounced the fox "melon and raccoon dog". When the students returned home, they endorsed them to their parents. The parents said, "Your teacher taught you wrong. It was a fox, not a melon." The next day, the student said to the teacher, "Teacher, my father said it was a fox, not a melon." The teacher said loudly, "Your father doesn't know anything. Gua raccoon dogs are much better than foxes."

13. A teacher asked three students, "What can you use to fill a room?"

The first student found straw and covered the floor. The teacher shook his head.

The second student found a candle, and suddenly the room was full of light, but the teacher shook his head.

Because the student's shadow was not caught, the third student threw a bar of soap on the floor.

in a short time, the cheerful gasps filled the whole room.

14. A teacher said to a class: It is said that women are made of water, but why are the girls in your class made of cement?

15. In our sophomore year, we took Music Appreciation. When we mentioned Mozart, the teacher said, "Mozart was just six years old, so he said to his father,' I'm six years old and I haven't been to England yet?' His voice did not fall, only to hear someone among the students sigh: "I am 2 years old and haven't been to Building 2 yet." Building 2 of Beijing Forestry University is a girls' building.