Ten humorous jokes

Ten humorous jokes

Ten humorous jokes. In real life, we can always encounter such jokes. This kind of humorous jokes can change our mood. To feel more cheerful and dispel our negative emotions, here are ten humorous jokes to share with you. Ten humorous jokes 1

1. One day, Zhu Bajie asked Tang Seng sadly: "Master, am I the ugliest in the world?" Tang Seng helplessly replied: "Ask Sister Guanyin. "An hour later, Bajie came back happily and asked with a smile: "Master, who is Sister Feng?"

2. President of South Korea: "We will build South Korea into the top seven in the world within ten years. A powerful country!" Audience A: "Which are the other six countries?" Audience B: "...Qi, Chu, Yan, Zhao, Wei, and Qin"

3. Once you worship the heaven and earth, you will suffer from the wrath of your wife; secondly, you worship the high hall. , but also to please the mother-in-law; husband and wife bow to each other and tighten their belts from now on; when they are sent to the bridal chamber, I kneel on the floor while she sleeps on the bed; alas, I am a sheep and she is a wolf, and a wife has been imprisoned for a long time. . .

4. What’s so great about hosting the Olympics successfully? What's so great about running the Asian Games well? What's so great about having good luck? When will you organize the Spring Festival Transport and come back to claim credit from us!

5. You marry or you don’t marry; your mother is always there, sometimes sad and sometimes happy; you There may or may not be any left; youth is always there, it never comes, it just goes; you choose, or you may not be picky; there are only a few goods, they don’t increase, only decrease; you accept it, or you don’t accept it; love must be forgotten, and it must be given up even if it is not given up. ; Come to Sheng Nan's arms, or let Sheng Nan live in your heart; look at each other, speechless; turn off the lights and take off your clothes.

6. It is said that there is a beautiful antiphonal poem circulating in the Chinese Department of Peking University. The above article was written by a girl: Last night when I was walking in the playground, I met a frog trying to be cool. I vomited and vomited, so I just banged my head against a tree! The following article was written by a boy: Last night when I was trying to be cool on the playground, I saw a dinosaur hit a tree. KB, KB, pity that little tree! ; circle of friends; ⑥ Work is not limited to being done in the office, remote work is the future trend; ⑦ Work from 9 to 5, have enough leisure time; ⑧ Have unique entertainment methods; ⑨ Pay attention to low-carbon life; ⑩ Have a favorite , fashion brand. See if you are a white-collar worker?

8. During exam week, a certain Mopper’s QQ status: It’s obviously a pad-sized test, but it has a large test range for daily use, and students need to lengthen it for night use Type review. But even so, there will still be side leakage.

9. Men regard naive women as naive, and women regard naive men as naive!

10. The husband drives away from home. My wife heard a report while listening to the radio at home and quickly picked up the phone. Wife: "Husband, I just heard on the radio that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway. You must be careful." Husband: "Where is that car? I saw hundreds of cars going the wrong way. "Ten humorous jokes 2

1. The phone is broken

Suddenly there was a knock on the door before dinner. I opened the door and saw a delivery boy carrying a lot of hairy crabs. Outside the door. I said, "You must have made a mistake. I didn't order takeout." "I know that." The young man said, "Your WeChat friend asked me to take a look at this. This is what he wants to eat tonight." His phone is broken and he can’t send it to Moments. Look, I have to go to a dozen more restaurants! 2. It’s time to brag.

A few in the office! Married men discussed the miserable life after marriage, from the monthly pocket money of 200 yuan to having to go home at 20:00 at night, and all of them were filled with indignation. A colleague couldn't stand listening any longer, so he slapped the table and said: I have the final say in my house. She has to hand in her salary every month, and she has to apply to go out. She is not allowed to exceed 50 on Taobao. If she makes a mistake, she will be punished by kneeling on the instant noodles without any complaints. Everyone admired this king and asked for advice in various ways.

The gentleman looked at his watch and said: No, let's try another day. Today's bragging time set by my wife is up...

3. Why don't you go to heaven? !

Me: "What should I do if I have a bad-tempered wife?" Friend: "In your situation and the current national conditions, it would be great to have a wife! You still want to have a good temper, why don't you God? "Me.

4. Not for sale

A woman at the vegetable market bought two Chinese cabbages. After paying, she turned around and took out a scale from her pedal tricycle to weigh the cabbages! The vendor saw it and took the cabbage back: Auntie, who dares to sell it to you when you buy vegetables like this? I won’t sell it for the money I gave you!

5. Middle school teacher

My boss has a bad temper and is a heavy smoker. That day, he and I had just walked out of the company door. The boss was just lighting up a cigarette. Suddenly, a plainly dressed but very elegant lady appeared in front of him. The boss shivered and quickly put out the cigarette. The lady walked up to the boss and said hello with a smile. The boss bowed and said hello.

The lady asked the boss, did you smoke again? The boss waved his hands repeatedly, no, no, no. The lady smiled slightly and said less in the future. The boss nodded and bowed, eh, eh, remember. After the lady left, I asked the boss who she was. The boss said that that was his middle school teacher...

6. Lawyer fees

Lawyer: "I stipulate here that the fee is one hundred yuan for answering two questions."

Client: "Isn't this too expensive?"

Lawyer: "No, it's not expensive. Okay, please ask the second question."

Client: "What?"

Lawyer: "Nothing. Please pay one hundred yuan."

7. It is difficult to write a ticket

The police stopped the speeding person. He took out the fine notice and asked: "What is your name?" Foreigner: "My name is Thaddeus Risos Tom Dimitrius Kelianrubolos." Policeman: "Forget it. , don’t speed again in the future

8. What is Zhuge Liang’s mother’s surname...

There is an old man who likes the Three Kingdoms very much. He is familiar with every detail of the Three Kingdoms and often shows off in front of others. , for a long time no one could really trouble him...

On this day, the old man was showing off again...

A young man asked the old man jokingly: Since you are so familiar with the Three Kingdoms, Then do you know what Zhuge Liang's mother's surname is...

The old man opened his mouth instinctively, but his mind was stuck: after thinking about all the details of the Three Kingdoms, he really didn't say what Zhuge Liang's mother's surname was, so For a long time, I didn't utter a word...

When the young man saw the old man's appearance, he was secretly amused and said: It seems that the old man doesn't know...

The old man didn't He said kindly: Then you know!

The young man said seriously: "Since Yu is born, why is Liang born?" Of course Zhuge Liang's mother's surname is...

9. Please keep a distance between cars

One day, the short-sighted Xiao Li was riding a bicycle slowly on the road. Suddenly, he saw a line of words on the back of a car. Because he forgot to wear his glasses, , he couldn't see the words behind it clearly, but his curiosity drove him to figure out what this sentence was. So, after a lot of effort, he finally caught up with the car parked on the roadside and walked to the sidewalk. After taking a closer look at the car, it actually said: Please keep a distance between cars.

10. Motivation to lose weight

When my son came home from school, he saw his father eating it with relish as soon as he entered the door. Holding a greasy braised pork elbow, the son couldn't help but asked doubtfully: "Dad, haven't you been taking diet pills for a week? How come now..."

The father licked his lips, interrupted his son and said, "Silly boy, if I don't eat this big elbow, I'm afraid I won't have the energy to lose weight anymore.

"Ten humorous jokes 3

Humorous jokes

1. You were walking on the road, and the bitch pounced on you and bit a piece of meat from your foot. She quickly swallowed it. You When I was about to kick it, the dog said with tears: Go ahead, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly!

2. I spent a dime to send you this text message! , to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime text message is my birthday gift to you.

3. A man always smiles and his eyes sparkle. It’s either a disease or a deception! If a woman has big breasts and a slim waist, she’ll either take your money or let you go with a black knife!

4. Old man! The couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?" ", the uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

5. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of what a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, Yes, you are destined to be with everyone. If you rely on a man, pigs can climb trees.

6. When a magpie comes, my mother says it is a happy bird and a guest; when a swallow comes, my mother says it is a beneficial bird and a guest. ; When the crow comes, the child asks: Are you also a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker!

7. The ant is lying lazily in the soil, stretching out one leg, and the friend asks you what you are doing. ? Ant: The elephant will come later and trip him up.

8. The friend asked the bat how he could marry the mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes, which meant a lot. Alas! He took Viagra that day, which made him stronger. He jumped up to the ceiling and got it.

9. Yesterday, I dreamed that God would grant me a wish. I took out the globe and asked for world peace. Say it's too difficult to change, I took out your photo and said I want this person to be beautiful, he thought

10. Legend has it that tonight, the ghost is lingering, the dead light appears again, and the ghosts are everywhere! The Internet ghost heard my call and came to greet you in the middle of the night. With a pale face and green eyes, he touched your face with his dry hands and said to you: Good night!

11 One day, two old couples had a sudden idea: Eat naked! The old woman said after taking off her clothes: I am still as hot as when I was young! The old man glanced sideways and said:

12. It’s a long road, who can take a few steps! There’s a family to take care of, and a lover to have a good relationship with! There is someone in the distance who misses the whole network! Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six and seven! (Classic joke)

13. A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. , only one ant hugged the elephant's neck tightly, and the ants below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, you damn boy!

14. The mouse has no girl. The friend was very depressed, and finally a bat agreed to marry him. The mouse was very happy. Others laughed at him for his lack of vision. The mouse said: What do you know, she is a stewardess after all.

15. Wife’s Quotes: You are allowed to get drunk. , you are allowed to seduce girls, but you must return to my team at night. If you dare to hurt my heart and hurt my lungs, I will definitely cripple your third leg of fraud and make your bird sleep forever.

16. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. The meatball said shyly. You wouldn’t recognize someone if they took off their clothes!

17. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. You said angrily: What do you dare to do to that roasted chicken? , I dare to do anything to you. As a result, the puppy licked the chicken butt and you fainted. The puppy said happily: Let’s see who is cruel.

18. Four mice brag: A: I take it every day. Rat poison is eaten as candy; B: I don’t step on mice and itch my feet for a day; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, let’s go home and pick up the cat.

19. A beautiful woman found that her lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly realized, he caught up and said: Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off due to fraud!

20. A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be trafficked. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: "Let's go, we don't want the car anymore."