Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Who has a joke? Funny + 50 points for you! ! ! ! ! ! !
Who has a joke? Funny + 50 points for you! ! ! ! ! ! !
But that night, I started to have strange dreams again. It was so strange that I dreamed that I was walking in the wild and saw Zhang Yining sitting on a big rock crying. I felt very strange, so I left. I went over and asked: "Xiao Zhang, why are you sitting here crying?" Zhang Yining said with tears in her eyes: "I have gained weight." I asked: "How many kilograms have you gained?" Zhang Yining said: "One kilogram six "Two. I can't even put on the pants I bought last year. How can I be called fat if I weigh less than two pounds?" Zhang Yining cried, "Oh, look at your stinky mouth. You can't even say a good word." , If I gain two pounds, can I still walk?" I asked again: "Then how did you suddenly gain an extra pound?" Zhang Yining said, "I usually only eat one pound per meal. Two taels of rice is not much, not much. I put a small scale on the dining table. I got it from a traditional Chinese medicine store. Every time I serve rice, I put the rice on the scale first. I served it once and then put it into a bowl to eat. Unexpectedly, a screw in the scale broke last night, so I accidentally ate two or two more meals. When I woke up in the morning, I felt something was wrong. I stood on the scale and weighed it. I'm a pound and a half heavier. Oh my, my figure that I have maintained for so many years has been ruined. Do you think I can stop being impatient?" I started crying again.
I wondered: "You only ate two ounces more, how could you gain an extra pound or sixty ounces? Where did you get this extra pound or four ounces?" Zhang Yining cried: "You How stupid! Rice will give birth to millet, and millet will give birth to millet, and the descendants will be endless. Wouldn’t this be more?” I said, “Then if you don’t eat two meals in a row, you will get more.” The two taels of food have been consumed." Zhang Yining said, "What if I starve to death?" I said, "How can I starve to death if I don't eat only two meals?" Zhang Yining said, "That would be uncomfortable." "After saying that, he still kept crying.
I comforted her and said: "Xiao Zhang, don't cry. A big guy like you is about 1.7 meters tall, but only weighs 100 pounds. I think you are too thin. You are fat." These are just right. There is more flesh on the mouth, and the smile looks better. In addition, the hands are more powerful when playing table tennis, and can beat the enemy to pieces." Zhang Yining said: "But I am afraid that I will not find a good husband like me in the future. If an older woman is not in good shape, who would want me?" I said hurriedly, "How could that happen? Even if all the men in the world dislike you, I will definitely not dislike you." Zhang Yining glared. : "Bah! Who cares about your appreciation?" After saying this, he still covered his face and cried bitterly.
I was so worried by her that I scared her and said: "People will become ugly if they cry too much. If you keep crying like this, if you cry and turn into an ugly monster, no one will dare to want you." When Zhang Yining heard this, she stopped crying immediately and cursed: "Oh, are you a pig? Why didn't you tell me this earlier? I have been crying for so long, but I don't know if I have become ugly or not." I hurriedly said: "You haven't turned ugly, don't worry." After hearing this, Zhang Yining's face softened, but she was still not at ease, and said again: "You dare to swear to God, you didn't lie to me with what you said just now? ?" I said hurriedly: "Dare you." Zhang Yining burst into tears and laughed.
I asked: "Xiao Zhang, why do you always keep a straight face when you play table tennis?" Zhang Yining said: "Every time I play table tennis, I imagine my opponent as being unfaithful. * Dai Tian’s enemy vowed to knock her down, so his face would naturally become sullen.” I said, “Then why do you laugh when you win a medal?” Zhang Yining said, “Of course you have to smile after you get the medal. I'm not a fool." I said again: "There are so many female table tennis players in the world, but you can always defeat your opponents and even rank first in the world. What's the secret?" Zhang Yining said: "I won't tell you. "It won't be called a secret if I tell you." I said, "I swear to keep it secret for you." Zhang Yining said, "It's useless even if you swear." I just kept begging.
Zhang Yining couldn't stand my insistence and said: "That's it, that's all, I might as well tell you.
In fact, there are three secrets: the first trick is to lower the face when teeing off and stare at the opponent with both eyes, which really scares her and makes her more timid than before; the second trick is to use the racket on the ball when serving. My opponent moved her eyes back and forth a few times, as if he was going to hit her. When she got scared, she immediately lost her courage. The third move was to deliberately look to the left side of the table. When my opponent saw me looking to the left, he would definitely pay attention. Concentrating all my strength on the left side, I quickly stole a ball to the right, making her unable to guard against it. She must have become even more timid after being tormented by me like this. As a result, even if she was very courageous, ninety percent of her courage was gone at this moment. How can there be any reason to be invincible? I praised: "Xiao Zhang, your method is indeed brilliant." Zhang Yining laughed loudly and said: "It's just a small skill, what's the point?"
Zhang Yining suddenly asked: "Hey, do you think I look better when I smile, or when I straighten my face?" "I said: "They are all very beautiful. Zhang Yining said sweetly: "You are lying, I don't believe it." I said: "They don't look good." Zhang Yining glared and said: "Get out!" "I said again: "You should look better with a straight face. Zhang Yining said angrily: "Then doesn't it look good when I smile?" I quickly changed my words and said, "You look good when you smile." Zhang Yining still said angrily: "Then my face doesn't look good?" "I said: "The face looks good too. Zhang Yining said: "After going around for a long time, talking nonsense, which one is more beautiful?" "I was speechless.
After a while, I asked again: "Why don't you talk about your boyfriend? Zhang Yining said: "It's too late to play the game now. How can I have such free time?" I said, "Don't use these nonsense to make money off me. You always say this every time I ask you. You can only deceive those reporters. You can't deceive me." When people asked Wang Nan this, she always said the same thing. Now, wouldn't she still be deceived by that boy named Guo? Tell me honestly, and I swear to keep it secret for you. Are you secretly talking about your boyfriend, intentionally not letting us know? Zhang Yining said angrily: "How could such a thing happen? Stop guessing." "I said: "Hey, I am a man with a rich imagination. The more you hide it from me, the more I like to have random thoughts. Zhang Yining said: "No, it means no. I swear not to lie to you."
I was secretly happy and quickly asked: "Is it true?" Zhang Yining said: "It's true." I said again: "Then you haven't found the prince charming in your heart yet?" "Zhang Yining blushed and stopped talking immediately. I knew that my heart was beating, and I became more and more happy, and asked again: "Then what kind of prince charming do you think? Zhang Yining hesitated for a long time before saying: "You must be very handsome, look cool, have two big black eyes, your mouth should not be too big, and you must have a charming smile. The most important thing is that you must have strong patience and be able to Don't fight back when beaten. I said: "You are not talking about a human being, but Fuwa Beibei." Zhang Yining said: "There must be, but you have never seen such a good man." I was not convinced, so I said, "That must be the pretty boy." Zhang Yining said: "Bah!" I said again: "Xiao Zhang, do you think I meet the requirements?" Zhang Yining's eyes were as big as ping pong balls and shouted: "Get out!" You are still a thousand miles away.
Although I was a little disheartened after hearing this, I still wanted to argue with her for a few more words because of my thick skin, so I said: "Xiao Zhang, what kind of drink do you drink every time you play a game?" ah? It looks blue, like the bath water mixed with bile in the bathhouse. Zhang Yining said: "It must be 'Dongle'." Why do the words sound so ugly as soon as they come into your mouth? I said: "Then why have I never seen it sold in supermarkets?" Zhang Yining said: "That is a drink specially made for athletes. It costs more than 30 yuan a bottle. Who can afford it?" I was startled and said to myself: "My dear, it's so expensive, it's worth more than ten tons of tap water." He added: "It's great to be an athlete. You can drink as much as you want." Zhang Yining said: "It doesn't taste very good. If the coach didn't force me to drink it, saying that it would replenish my strength in time, I wouldn't drink it. I would rather drink two and a half yuan for a bottle of Crystal Grape." I quickly asked: "What does 'Dongle' taste like?" It tastes so bad. "Zhang Yining said: "The blue one you see is grapefruit flavor, and there are several others, including kiwi flavor, coconut flavor, and dragon fruit flavor. My mouth watered when I heard this, and I hurriedly said: "I also want to taste it, what should I do?" Zhang Yining said: "Then you become an athlete." I said: "It's a pity that they don't want me." Zhang Yining said: "Then there's nothing I can do."
"I said: "Yes, I have a good idea. When you go to play in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I will buy a ticket and go in to watch the game and cheer you on. Don't drink all the drinks you have. Light, just leave me a small mouthful. Zhang Yining said: "The things I drank made me drool. Don't you think it's dirty?" "I said: "No problem, how many people can't even dream of drinking it. Zhang Yining said: "That's not possible. There are so many eyes watching at the scene. How can I give it to you?"
I thought about it, and suddenly my eyes lit up, and I said: "By the way, don't you always like to throw flowers to the audience when you win awards?" I don’t want flowers either, just throw the gold medal and drink to me. Zhang Yining said: "Bah!" You are not stupid at all. I have trained hard for these four years just for this gold medal. How could I just throw it to you without saying a word? Besides, I may not win the gold medal. I said: "Don't worry about this. I watch the sky at night and have told your fortune a long time ago. The gold medal in the women's singles in 2008 belongs to you." Wang Nan won the silver medal, Guo Yue won the bronze medal, and the three five-star red flags could be raised at the same time again. There is also a women's team competition. You, Wang Nan and Guo Yue can also win a gold medal, so you can just sleep with your legs straightened at night and don't have to worry at all. Zhang Yining said: "Who knows whether these are the truth or lies?" Anyway, don't dream, I will throw the medal to you. "I said again: "Then take off your shoes and throw them to me. I think some sneakers worn by football players can fetch hundreds of thousands." Zhang Yining said: "If I say I won't throw it away, I won't throw it away. If I throw it away, won't I have to go home barefoot?"
I remained unyielding and said again: "Xiao Zhang, if you step down, do you want to be a women's table tennis coach?" Zhang Yining said: "Why do you ask this?" "I said: "When I have a son, when he is five or six years old, I will definitely send him to learn to play table tennis. He will bring glory to the country in the future. When the time comes, he will be placed in your class, and I will have to trouble you to take care of him. Zhang Yining said: "It's still early. It's useless to talk about it now. Besides, when I retire, I may not necessarily become a coach." "I saw that she seemed reluctant, and I was about to beg a few more words. Unexpectedly, as soon as I blinked, Zhang Yining suddenly turned into the second sister-in-law. I screamed and was frightened awake.
- Previous article:You can understand the story of selling eggs and never lack money.
- Next article:Aaron's personal data
- Related articles
- Humorous jokes on Children's Day on June 1st.
- Homophonic terrier is really an awkward and funny comedy burden. Do you know any variety homophonic stalks that make people laugh?
- Jokes of ladies-in-waiting
- Why make up a family tree? On the Function and Significance of Genealogy
- Is Lankao building a BYD factory?
- Tintin tattoo joke
- If I had to do it again, which song of Li Bai would I choose?
- There is a cross talk in "Ma Lisan", which tells that the young man goes upstairs in slippers and the old man waits downstairs all night. What's his name?
- 2022 Party Posting Funny Moments
- Launch a spaceship to the sun.