The death of a squirrel

In the first year, I raised a little squirrel. He has been dead for eight years. It took me eight years to write his words. ?

The heart yearns for it and is happy to see it come true.

I can't remember which gentleman wrote an interesting story between him and his friend squirrel: the squirrel would jump around on the elk decoration hanging on the wall, disturb Mr. Wang's paper while he was writing, and jump on Mr. Wang's shoulder playfully. His tail is fluffy and soft. At that time, I longed for a squirrel to be my companion and color my loneliness. On my way home every Friday, I will pay attention to the movement in the trees and look for my partner. Several times, I have seen the squirrel's dexterous body shuttle through the trees, and my heart is full of joy and loss. They hide from people, so I can't get close to them at all, let alone be friends.

If life is like the first time, it will be redemption for him and me.

I didn't expect to get God's blessing soon, so I met a little squirrel without opening my eyes. One Sunday afternoon, I was watching a drama at home, and my neighbor's sister Min Min called me and said that my family's Dabai had a little squirrel in his mouth and asked me to help him. I think the squirrel's nest should be in the tree, too. His stupid dog can't climb trees. However, driven by Min Min's persistence and my curiosity, I saw my knowledge in the street. Dabai does have something in his mouth. I was nearsighted and didn't see clearly.

With a roar, Dabai put his mouth on the road with grievance. A group of children rushed forward and ran away in vain. Min Min gave him to me. He is really small, his eyes are not open, and the sound from his mouth is a little sharp, but soft, as if he had lost because he was too hungry. His hair is only a shallow layer, and it has no fluffy feeling as I imagined. I'm a little disappointed, but more happy. I have my own squirrel friend

"Sister, mother squirrel is here." When I studied him, Min Min said.

I followed her hand and saw a squirrel. She squatted on a tree trunk with her eyes fixed on us and her tail moving behind her. I think she must be worried about her lost child, even though I really want him to be with me. But I can't be so selfish. He still needs his mother's feeding and care.

"Let's all go home, far away, so that the squirrel mother will dare to pick up the baby." I said, put him on the ground. A group of children followed me, and we hid behind the slope to observe. Mother squirrel didn't move. After a while, she turned and jumped away, and soon disappeared.

? "Come back!" I gave a cry subconsciously.

? "How can mother squirrel just leave?" Min Min tone some don't understand and complain.

I asked the children to wait a little longer. Some of them have gone to play something else. Min Min and I waited together for a long time. Mother squirrel still hasn't come back. He was abandoned.

"I'll raise him." I said to Min Min. Min Min said that she would visit him at my house when she had time.

Happiness depends on disaster, and redemption eventually becomes a disaster.

I fed him milk, but he didn't drink any, and he drank more pure milk. I built him a humble nest with old clothes and cardboard boxes and put him in. The next day is Monday. I go to school in the morning and can't go home until Friday night. What should the squirrel do? My grandparents will never take care of him. Can someone help me? I immediately thought of Yang Yi who lives upstairs in my house. She is about ten years younger than my grandmother and should be able to understand my feelings. Fortunately, Aunt Yang promised to take care of him for me.

That week, after class, I would wonder if he drank well. What should I name him? Will Yang Yi perfunctory me and not take good care of him? After all, Yang Yi is busy in the field during the day. I have thought about where to take him to play when he grows up. Finally, I will take him to the depths of nature and let him find his mother ... I have always had his figure in my mind, and I have finally survived a difficult week with a feeling of anxiety and expectation. Go home on Friday night and pick him up from Aunt Yang at once.

Yang Yi took good care of him and gained a little weight, while Mao Mao became a little deeper. He still didn't open his eyes. I hope he can see me as soon as he opens his eyes. The next day, Min Min came to see him. On the third day, I hated the smell of the nest, so I made him a new nest with a blanket. That night, there was a thunderstorm. He kept screaming. I thought he was cold, so I covered him with another blanket, but he kept screaming, and the harsh voice kept me awake. I took him out of the nest, put him on my chest and put my hand on him.

"It's warm now, don't scream." I said, thinking that when it gets warmer, I must remember to put it back in the nest. Sleeping at night is especially dishonest and likes to move around. I'm afraid it will hurt him.

Never forget the pain.

I didn't know I fell asleep so soon. When I woke up from the rolling thunder, my heart suddenly trembled, my hand touched my chest and there was nothing! My heart was half cold at once, and my hands shook to open the quilt, but I didn't see him again and again. I haven't seen him, but I have some hope in my heart.

Not in bed. I saw it under the bed. I may never forget what I saw. He was lying on his back, his short limbs flapped feebly, his body was limp, and the shit on his ass stuck to him. There is no fluctuation in his chest. I lied to myself, maybe it's just that his breathing is too weak and I can't see clearly in myopia. When I got out of bed, I fell down, and my index finger slowly approached the tip of his nose, without breathing. He's dead. His body is cold. I don't know how long he's been dead. He was crushed to death by me! I crushed my friend, and I imagined that my future with him was completely shattered. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. I am a sinner!

Tears poured down, and I held his cold body and cried. Why did you fall asleep? Why did you put him on your chest? Why did you change his nest? Why did you bring him back from Aunt Yang's house? If I hadn't done this, he wouldn't have died. Maybe at first, if we stay away, mother squirrel can pick him up.

There was another thunder, and I trembled with fear and sat down on the cold floor. It's raining hard, and the crackling voice seems to be crying with me.

I don't know how long I cried. It's just dawn I went downstairs from the second floor and met my grandmother who was feeding pigs.

? "Why are you crying?" Grandma asked.

? "The squirrel is dead." My voice choked.

"I thought what happened, you are crying. If you die, throw it away. You'd better trouble Yang Yi to help you raise it for a week. I have long wanted to throw it away for you. " Grandma said and mentioned the pig food in her hand.

I want to say something, but I can't say anything. Grandma doesn't understand my pain at all. She doesn't understand me at all. She thinks he is a problem. She doesn't think I should ask Aunt Yang for help. I knew from her tone that Yang Yi also regarded him as trouble, but only because I went to ask her for help. Nobody understands. ...

"Now I don't need Yang Lan's help." I said, and walked into the rain.

"Where are you going? It's raining. " Grandma's voice said anxiously.

I turned to look at her, and I knew she would laugh at me: "I'm going to bury him."

"Just throw it directly into the paddy field!" Grandma doesn't approve.

I ignored it and turned away, tears streaming down my face again. I dug a hole for him by hand, and the rain and water all night made the soil soft. This hole didn't take me long at all. His body is too small to be buried in a small hole. I covered the soil layer by layer, and his body disappeared in front of my eyes.

"I will come to worship you."

I was very depressed for a few days afterwards. My family laughed at me for this. They laughed at me and buried him in tears. Even my brother laughed at me.

I don't want to talk to them. Squirrels are my friends. I want to spend a lot of time with a friend who loves and pampers me. Now that he's gone, I killed him myself.

? I broke my word. For eight years, I have never paid homage to him. I'm afraid to think of him. I'm afraid that when I worship him, I will remember the fact that I killed him. A concrete road has been built where I buried him.

Eight years later, I cried when I wrote these words. My roommate won't understand either. I didn't cry.

I dare not, not anymore.

I suddenly understand why I have no feelings for animals now. They have left my life and become a part that has no intersection with me.

I had other animals before squirrels. I brought home a soft puppy. I feed him every day, and whenever I go to eat wine, I will wrap my bones in paper towels and bring them back to him. He will take me to school on Monday morning and wait for me on Friday night. But he only lived a year before he died of illness. I have three little swallows. In the hot summer, I will run to the fields to catch their food-caterpillars and caterpillars that I fear most. But three days later, they were gone, and I didn't find any feathers. Grandma said it was eaten by a cat. I hate cats. It was not until a long time later that I realized that grandma had lied. The cat I brought back from my best friend's house drowned in the water in a few days.

? I dare not. I dare not keep animals anymore. I will kill my friend. They are the objects that I can take care of wholeheartedly. They need me. I have never felt so important. But they will leave me soon, either because of my fault or because of the impermanence of life. I dare not give my heart again, and every time I get it, I lose. How can I save others if I can't even take care of myself?

My heart is so hard that I don't want to open it easily anymore. Only in this way can I watch them die coldly because we have nothing to do with each other.

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