How to become a talking professional?

When it comes to talking, everyone has known it since childhood. After distinguishing vision, hearing and touch, we can express our first experience through "eyah", which will be used with us all our lives and affect our lives.

Since speaking is a kind of ability, there are high and low, good and bad. In ancient times, there was a realm of "arguing with Confucianism" and "beads frequently falling", and there were also consequences of being killed because of "missing words before and after teaching". The effect of language expression varied widely, as the saying goes: the simplest is the most difficult! Therefore, in the growing process of our life, the most important thing to cultivate and improve is the ability to speak.

Today, according to a best-selling book: Cai Kangyong's Way of Speaking 1, let's learn some practical skills in real life. About the author: Cai Kangyong, a famous program host and writer in Taiwan Province. There must be no students who don't know that Kangxi is coming ~

This time, I will deeply analyze the contents of 40 chapters in the book. After the merger of similar items, the "mode of speaking" will be divided into four parts, so that everyone can build the structure of "mode of speaking" in an easy-to-read way. Then, we can apply the theoretical freedom in the book to daily communication and achieve twice the result with half the effort.

Note: The number at the end of each paragraph is the chapter number in the original book.

1 manner of speaking

"A noble person may not change his life, his appearance may not determine his charm, but-talking can!"

As ordinary people, we have no professional requirements for health, and we need to speak to thousands of people every day. Don't you need to pay attention to the way you speak and express your communication at will? There is such a contrast in the book. For a person in the workplace, at some critical moments, such as fighting for a speech, reporting to the boss, and communicating with customers to boost performance. How much can skills such as singing and calligraphy play? I'm afraid there is no way to extend it to all aspects of life. Communication is everywhere, and the cost of practicing oral English is the cheapest. In short, this is a very cost-effective thing.

What is the way of speaking? -"Know how to take others to heart"

By practicing speaking, we can understand our relationship with others: what I say, what others will listen to, and what I look like in others' eyes. Combine what you believe with what you say, so that you can smoothly upgrade from skill to strategy.

2 The art of speaking

First of all, we should take communication seriously, learn more about people and ourselves. Through a lot of practice, clear the obstacles at the tactical level and approach the sublimation at the strategic level step by step.

(1) What you need to say.

In this part, communication skills are divided into what to say and how to say it.

1) How do you say:

You are what you say. What you say will become what you say, so being responsible for what you say is a responsible attitude towards yourself. (2)

Knowledge of praise

All kinds of compliments, whether heard directly or indirectly, can be relayed to each other to win their approval. (At least there will be no negative impact) In the face of direct praise, it is often a golden key to open the chat situation to respond positively. At the same time, if you can observe what the other person cares about in advance and realize it, your score will be higher (1, 23, 34).

The art of asking questions

When it is necessary to ask questions, it will be helpful to concretize the questions or express them in simple English. These are two skills in different directions: First, use super patience to use 2-3 specific questions to find out each other's preferences and topics of interest, so as to narrow the distance between them and create a relaxed and smooth communication atmosphere. Or, use the simplest questions such as "how did it happen" and "later" to meet the needs of the other party's expression, thus showing the needs of the other party's deep communication. (9、 19)

Get along with elders

Do you usually feel that your mother is wordy and rudely interrupts before you finish? In fact, if you adjust your mentality, take the pleasure of your elders as your own pleasure, and enjoy the communication with your elders, you will often get unexpected gains. (26)

Continue this topic

In the usual chat between you and me, it is the key to successful communication that we can easily connect each other's favorite topics to a direction that everyone is familiar with and tell who can continue. If you use provocation in moderation, it will make the conversation more heated. Try it among familiar friends. When you meet a bad topic, it will naturally make it disappear. Don't deliberately find a topic to transition. Turning around directly often makes the conversation smoother. (7、 12、28)

Communicate with your heart

In fact, when communicating with friends, elders and colleagues, the key is to inject feelings and respect each other; Insert the other person's name into it; Treat your friends and relatives with care. Because if there is someone you care about in your life, you will live a delicious life. So even for yourself, you must care about the people you care about, express them and let them receive them. (35、38、39)

2) How can I put it?

to see somebody for the first time

When you meet a stranger for the first time, the first impression is very important. After exchanging names, it will often get twice the result with half the effort by observing each other's mentality and interest direction to decide their subsequent communication methods. In the process of self-reporting, a positive and direct attitude also plays an important role in regulating the atmosphere. The ideal conversation atmosphere is that everyone has the opportunity to express themselves and hear each other's views and opinions at the same time. The rhythm is natural, and the topics are deep and shallow. Isn't it wonderful ~(8, 22, 36, 37),

Help @

When we need to ask someone for help, we should bear it, make the problem concrete and detailed, and then give it to the other party, and try to solve the problem in our own hands. In the process of communication, it will be easier to achieve the goal by giving priority to the acceptable parts of the other party ~ If time permits, the other party is an "important person", then you can rehearse yourself in advance, what should I say and how the other party will answer, so it will be difficult to succeed! (3、24、3 1)

beg forgiveness

I first filter the mistakes, analyze the remedial measures, and then bravely admit my mistakes to the other party, how much trouble I have brought, and so on. There is also an extreme way to praise each other to the sky, such as being the most considerate, generous, generous, and joking, while staying away from yourself ... haha, will it be more effective to pretend to be poor? (32)

@ Three Minefields

It's hard to quote numbers. Generally speaking, it is difficult for the other party to remember the boring numbers in the conversation. A good way is to find a comparable reference, which will make it much easier ~

Leave the explosion point at the end. Maybe before you throw away your baggage, the topic will have ended hastily. You can refer to the news headlines, first reveal the key points, and then slowly expand.

Cold joke. Canned jokes that I don't know how to answer are definitely communication killers. Compared with the embarrassing situation in real life, it can increase the atmosphere of communication and become a legendary humorous player. ( 14、 17、 18)

(2) If you need to shut up.

Many people think that communication means talking constantly, and silence is terrible. In fact, in some cases, silence is also a kind of communication. Let's "enjoy the silence" and have a quiet aftertaste. (4)

1) You need to stop when you want to talk.

Leave some room for conversation or speech (15,25)

There is no doubt that meaningless victory (5)

Don't answer in a hurry, listen to the other person's opinion (2 1)

Act as an audience (27) when the other party is venting.

Don't be shallow (13)

Leave the party without disturbing all the audience (29)

Try not to say "I" (10)

Avoid expressing your understanding of each other's pain, because you can't (30).

2) You need to say when you want to stop.

Put the other person in your heart and try to express your thoughts according to the clues he revealed (6);

In the face of sharp questions, go back to step 2-3 and show your attitude with specific statements (11);

Don't take it literally, follow the line to find the answer according to the other person's words, attitude and eyes (33).

3 dialogue in reality

At this point, we have read through the Tao and technique of "saying". What kind of feelings do friends have? Generally speaking, there are two points:

First, always put each other first and understand each other's feelings and needs, so as to open communication barriers.

Secondly, before you open your mouth to express your opinion, you can stand still and think about whether it is appropriate to say so, and then express it. The so-called "think twice before you act" is an eternal truth!

(1) Between colleagues

For example, suppose there are two colleagues in the office, Xiao and Xiao B. One day, Xiao's family suddenly had something to do, and he wanted to change the time with Xiao B who was on duty at the weekend. So how can we make things go smoothly? According to the speech system constructed above, should we first consider whether Xiao B is convenient on weekends, whether he is easy to talk at ordinary times, and from which aspects it is easier to convince Xiao B? After considering maturity from the other side's point of view, the next step is to organize the language and determine what to say and how to say it. Would it be better than simply running over to Xiao B and saying, "Can you help me with my shift this weekend?" How many times will the effect be better?

(2) Between friends

Xiao C and Xiao D are cross-departmental colleagues in the same office building, but they are just nodding acquaintances. One day we met in the canteen. After exchanging pleasantries, Little D asked, Little C, did you get a haircut? The effect is really good! But in this hot weather, you can't tie it up. Will it be hot? How should Xiao C answer at this time? Let's take three seconds to think quickly. The reason why the other party asked this is that she also has the idea of cutting her hair, so she asked her how she felt; Second, does the other person also have a change in appearance, so use this topic to attract attention; Third, what changes have taken place in our work and business recently, which has led to the intersection of our cooperation. In this way, how to answer Xiao D and continue to communicate will be clear at a glance ~

(3) Between parents and children

When I got home and saw my parents, husband and children, the tension of the day gradually relaxed. Ah ~ finally can have a rest. At this time, my mother came over and said, "Today, your father's old classmate called and said that he wanted to find a boyfriend for his daughter. Do you think there is a suitable job? " Mom said, the brain began to think again. Relatives are familiar with each other, so the components of speculation will be reduced accordingly, and the key point is how to answer questions. If you can, you need to know a series of information such as the conditions and requirements of the other party; If you say no, the trouble will be saved, but will mom and dad's face be affected? Compare your own situation again-if there is a new handsome guy in the company recently, you can ask, then say yes first. It is definitely not a bad thing to betray your personal feelings. And if the pressure of work is heavy recently, 8 hours a day is 12 hours, then explain the actual situation to my mother and parents: after this time, I will help my "old classmates". Did you get a look at him?

Children, let's call it a day. Do you feel that you have become "talking"? Please remember that only by observing more and practicing more can you become a real "master"!

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