Are there any funny jokes?

1 How did ants die when they fell from the Himalayas?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

A research company just called me,

Mandarin MM says: excuse me, sir, are there any children under two years old in your family?

I said: Yes.

Mandarin MM: How much?

I said, damn it, how many will there be after family planning?

Mandarin MM: Boys or girls?

Me: Boy.

Mandarin MM: Excuse me, are you the father of the child?

Me: No.

Mandarin MM: Then can you put the parents on the phone?

Me: My parents are not at home.

4 haha

After listening to Mandarin MM, she reacted after a few seconds and hung up the phone with a bang. I didn't catch what she said, investigating the company,

Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

Some netizens asked: Who will teach a convenient, strange and delicious vegetable practice?

A: grind vegetables into sauce. Buy a big fried chicken leg, pour it with sauce, and then add it. You can't eat chicken. Continue to use it next time ~ ~ ~

Another netizen replied:

Take 10 stone and add 5 kg of water. Be careful that it must weigh 5 Jin, and it must be weighed. If you don't understand, you can also buy a bottle of 5 kilograms of white wine, then pour it out and fill it with water, so as to ensure that it is 5 kilograms.

Then put it into the pot, turn on the high fire first, cook for 20 minutes, and then turn on the low fire for 3 hours.

Then sprinkle a little chopped green onion in the boiling water, and it will be fine.

Be careful, don't put anything except stones in the cooking process.

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. It felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, there was a virgin who felt tired and let herself fall asleep.

There is a fat man. ...

Jump off the top of the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

People ask me what men should pursue. I replied: money and beauty. So people began to despise me. ...

People ask me again what men should pursue? I said: career and love! So, people began to worship me. ...

10 It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"!

Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"!

Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni!

Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying!

Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

1 1 Wuyuan was kidnapped by criminal gangs. Call the hundred-dollar bill:

"Ah! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "

One hundred dollar bills thought for a moment and said:

"Tear it, tear you up and you don't even have five dollars!"

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.

Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and I'm greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake."

13 The earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

14 tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ......

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ......

Then ..... the snail climbed up. ......

Soon ... The tortoise saw another ant ... and said to him, Come up, too. ......

So the ants came up.

When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, hello.

Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

15 There is a man and a woman eating.

Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not?

The boy finally said: love

The girl asked again, then how do you prove it?

Suddenly, the boy took out 30 yuan money from his pocket.

And ask the girl: Do you have ten dollars?

The girl gave the boy ten yuan. ......

The boys put forty yuan on the table.

soon .....

The girl was very angry and asked the boy, Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner!

16 one-day tour of snack street

Find a store that sells egg towers

Every one looks delicious. I want to buy one to try.

I asked the clerk: Is this sold separately?

Shop assistant: No, it's Japanese.

17 One day, a family caught fire.

Mom and dad both fled, leaving only one son inside.

Mother was very nervous and shouted outside:

"Son ... what are you doing ... it's on fire ..."

The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."

After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. ......

Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what the hell are you doing?" Come out ~ fire, stay inside ... "

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks."

18 wore a leaf first ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water to curse:

"*-%#% what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.

The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.

Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.

He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.

Then every other week, they start to work.

A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.

When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"surprise! 」

20. "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." The patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"