Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Such a happy joke
Such a happy joke
In the performance of the world's best fencer, the third fencer stepped onto the stage. A fly was released, and his sword drew an arc and cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second person cut a fly into four parts. People quieted down and looked forward to the greatest fencer in the world.
His blade drew a huge arc, but the insect continued to fly! The crowd was stunned. The greatest swordsman completely missed his goal, but he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" Someone shouted. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you didn't look carefully. They fly to live, yes-but he will never be a father. "
The greatest fencer in the world
In the performance of the best fencer in the world, the third fencer came on the field. A fly was released and the sword drew an arc. He divided the fly in half. The audience cheered. Then the second man cut a fly into four and a half. The scene was silent, and people were looking forward to the appearance of the greatest fencer in the world.
His blade drew a huge arc-but the insects continued to fly! The audience was stunned. The greatest fencer completely missed his goal, but he still smiled.
Why are you so happy? Someone shouted, "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you didn't look very carefully just now. The fly is still alive, yes-but he will never be a father. "
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A mistake
An American, a Scotsman and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gate of heaven, and the flustered St. Peter explained that it was a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said. "I'll send you back to Earth as if it never happened."
"Done!" Americans say. He immediately found himself standing near the scene unscathed.
"Where are the others?" A doctor asked.
"As far as I know," said the American, "the Scot is bargaining, while the Canadian is arguing that his government should pay."
make a mistake
An American, an Englishman and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gate of heaven. There, drunken St. Peter explained that there was a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said. "I will send you back to Earth as if nothing had happened."
"Deal!" Americans say. Immediately, he found himself standing near the scene unscathed.
"Where are the others?" A doctor asked.
"Before I left," said the American, "I saw the British bargaining, while the Canadian argued that his government should pay."
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Pig or witch
A man is driving on a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman is driving on the same road. When they passed by, the woman leaned out of the window and shouted, "Pig! ! "The man immediately poked his head out of the window and imitated it." Witch! ! "They each went on their way. When the man rounded the next corner, he hit a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
Pig or witch
A man is driving on a steep and narrow mountain road, and a woman is driving in the opposite direction. When they met, the woman stuck her head out of the window and shouted, "Pig! ! "The man immediately put his head out of the window and replied," Witch! ! "They moved on. The man turned at the next intersection and ran into a pig in the middle of the road. If only this man could understand what that woman meant.
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competence
A priest in Ogden, Iowa, is matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked whether this constitutes gambling, the minister replied, "It is just a scientific way to decide who will do charity."
When asked if he was willing to die for his beliefs, philosopher Bertrand Russell replied, "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong. "
A newspaper organized a competition to find the best answer to the following question: "If there was a fire in the Louvre, if you could only save one painting, which one would you save?"
The winning answer is: "The one closest to the exit."
Question answering skills
A priest in Ogden, Iowa, is guessing coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When someone asked him if this constituted gambling, the priest replied, "It's just a scientific way to decide who will do a good deed."
When I asked the philosopher Russell if he was willing to die for his beliefs, he replied, "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong. "
A newspaper organized a competition to collect the best answer to the following question: "If there was a fire in the Louvre, you could only save one painting, which one would you save?"
The winning answer is: "The one closest to the door."
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The great lion hunter Jones
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. Therefore, its leaders sent a message to the great hunter Jones, asking him to kill the beast.
For several nights, the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he asked the village chief to kill a cow and give him the cowhide. He put the skins on his shoulders and went to the pasture to wait for the lions.
In the middle of the night, the villagers were awakened by the creepy screams coming from the pasture. When they approached cautiously, they saw the hunter lying on the ground, groaning in pain. There is no sign of a lion.
"What happened, Jones? Where is the lion? " Asked the chief.
"Never mind that damn lion!" He howled. "Which one of you idiots let the cow out?"
The great hunter Jones
There is a small village worried about a man-eating lion. Therefore, the village chief sent for the great hunter Jones to kill the beast.
The hunter lay waiting for several nights, but the lion never appeared. Finally, he asked the village chief to kill a sheep and give him the scalp. The hunter put the sheepskin on his body and went to the grassland to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers were awakened by screams from the grassland. When they approached cautiously, they saw the hunter lying on the grass, groaning in pain. There is no sign of a lion.
"Jones, what's the matter? Where is the lion? " The village chief asked.
"No lions!" The hunter roared, "Which fool let the bull out?"
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weather forecast
A film crew is filming deep in the desert. One day, an old Indian went to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." It rained the next day.
A week later, the Indian went to the director and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." It began to hail the next day.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian did not show up for two weeks.
Finally, the director sent someone to find him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director. "I'm counting on you. What will the weather be like? "
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. I don't know,' he said. "The radio is broken."
weather forecast
A film crew is working deep in the desert. One day, an old Indian man came to the director and told him, "It will rain tomorrow." It did rain the next day.
A week later, the Indian came to tell the director, "There will be a storm tomorrow." Sure enough, it began to hail the next day.
"Indians are amazing," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to forecast the weather.
Some predictions are successful. Then, for the next two weeks, the Indians disappeared.
Finally, the director sent someone to invite him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director. "It's up to you. What will the weather be like tomorrow? "
Indians shrugged their shoulders. "I don't know," said the Indian. "The radio is broken."
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I acted like a lady.
One day, women's dresses in Far East Department Store were on sale, and a noble middle-aged man decided to buy one for his wife. But he soon found himself being beaten by a crazy woman.
He endured it as long as possible; Then, with his head down and his arms waving, he struggled through the crowd.
"There you are!" Challenge an excited voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I've been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I want to behave like a lady. "
I want to act like a lady.
One day, women's dresses in Far East Department Store were on sale, and a noble middle-aged man wanted to buy one for his wife. However, it wasn't long before he found himself staggered by that crazy woman.
He tried to bear it. Later, he bowed his head, waved his arms and pushed his way through the crowd.
"What are you doing?" Someone screamed, "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I've been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I will behave like a lady. "
A soldier's brilliant idea
Mr. Robinson had to go somewhere on business, because he was in a hurry, so he decided to go by plane. When he flies, he likes to sit by the window, so when he gets on the plane, he looks for a window seat. He found that all but one had been taken away. There was a soldier sitting next to this seat. Mr. Robinson was surprised that he didn't sit in the seat by the window. But, anyway, he immediately went to it.
However, when he walked to the door, he saw a notice posted on it. It was written in ink and it said, "This seat is reserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr. Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice on the plane before, but he thought there must be something very heavy on the plane, so he walked on and found an empty seat not by the window.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat next to the soldier, but they also read the notice and walked on. When the plane was almost full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier watched the passengers come in and quickly took down the notice on the seat next to him, thus successfully having the girl to accompany him throughout the journey.
British humor: a wonderful way for soldiers and beautiful women to fly together.
Mr Robinson has to go on business. He decided to fly because he was in a hurry. When traveling by plane, he likes to sit by the window, so as soon as he gets on the plane, he finds a window seat. He found that only one window seat was still available. There is a soldier sitting next to the empty seat. To Mr Robinson's surprise, the soldier didn't sit by the window. Mr. Robinson ignored it. He immediately went straight to the empty seat.
However, when he got there, he saw a notice posted on his seat, which said in pen: "In order to keep the loading balance, this seat is reserved. Thank you for your cooperation. " Mr. Robinson has never seen such an unusual notice on the plane. However, he thought there must be something particularly heavy on the plane, so he found a seat not by the window.
Two or three passengers tried to sit in the window seat next to the soldier. They walked away when they saw the notice. When the ship was almost full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the cabin. The soldiers who have been paying attention to the passengers entering the cabin quickly took off the notice on the empty seat next to them. In this way, the soldier successfully found a girl as a companion along the way.
Nails or flies?
An old gentleman whose eyesight is failing checked into a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. There is a fly on the wall, which he thinks is a nail. So when he hung them up, the bottle fell and the wine spilled all over the floor.
When a waitress found out what had happened, she felt sorry for him and decided to do him a favor.
So the next morning, when he was walking in the roof garden, she nailed a nail where the fly stayed.
Now the old man walks into his room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly there again! He walked up to it carefully and slapped it with all his strength.
Hearing a loud cry, the kind waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor with his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
Nails or flies?
An old gentleman whose eyesight is failing has checked into a hotel room. He has a bottle of wine in each hand. There is a fly on the wall. He mistook it for a nail. He hung two bottles, and the bottles fell and broke, and the wine spilled all over the floor. When a waitress found out what had happened, she felt sorry for him and decided to help him.
So, when he went for a walk in the garden on the roof the next morning, she nailed a nail where the fly stopped.
Speaking of which, the old man returned to the room. The smell of spilled wine reminded him of that. He looked up at the wall and the fly stopped there again! He approached gently and applauded as hard as he could. Hearing a loud cry, the kind waitress rushed into the room. To her great surprise, the poor old man was sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand was bleeding.
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