Kill a pig cold joke

A puppy climbed onto the dining table of the army and onto a roast chicken. The army was furious and said, "If you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you." As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's ass and the army fainted. The puppy said happily, "Look who is cruel."

Making fun of the teacher: (1) In math class, a boy was picking his nose. The teacher said, "xx, stop digging. There are more and more such things. "

(2) Chinese teacher: I killed pigs in my last life, taught in this life, killed people in my last life, and taught Chinese in this life.

(3) teach you that I will live at least five years less. If my annual salary is 0.2 million/200 thousand, it will be 6.5438+0 million in five years, dear! In the future, you can publish a book called How We Murdered a Millionaire.

(4) There is a saying that "Huashan has been a road since ancient times." Up the hill is this way, down the hill is this way. If there is any other way, it is free fall.

(5) All right, everybody, laugh quickly. I want to keep talking. By the way, I want to remind some students that although the teacher speaks very well, you must not be reluctant to upgrade. As far as I know, some students in this class have listened to my class for three years and are still in Grade One. Do you want to sign? If you want to, just say so. ...

(6) The geography teacher asked: Where does the river flow? A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and then asked, How many stars are there in the sky? Students sing: The stars in the sky join Beidou. The teacher was out of breath: get out. The student said, let's go. The teacher is very helpless: you are sick. Student: You have everything. Teacher: You are singing a quiz. Student: The road is rugged. Teacher: You shout.

1 There was a trap crossing the road and I was accidentally run over by a truck. When he died, he looked at his body and said, "I was stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

There is a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around the ground with his eyes closed until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

3. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

Where's Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

9. Pandas love deer deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

10 which is the coolest Chinese character? Thong (cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

1. Don't go to the toilet on April Fool's Day, really! Again, this is not a drill. Don't go to the toilet!

I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my stomach, ran to the toilet, unbuttoned my pants and squatted down, feeling very comfortable.

Look for toilet paper when you're done. I was shocked. There is no paper in the empty scroll. In an instant, I understand that today is April Fool's Day, and I curse that people don't want to see here!

Urgent, I suddenly found a mobile phone in my pocket, and I cried with joy. I was especially careful not to fall into the pit and lose the last life-saving grass.

Telephone colleague 1, "I'm in the toilet and there's no paper. Come and help! " "Colleague replied:" Today's April Fool's Day, someone just called for toilet paper for emergency. Why would anyone? Not credible! ".I hung up when I was finished, and I was scolded.

Phone No.2 colleague, "I'm in the toilet, and there's no paper. Come and help! " Colleague replied: "Today is April Fool's Day. I refuse to go out to work. Sorry! "... finished, hang up, pain.

Phone No.3 colleague, "I know today is April Fool's Day. I am in the toilet and there is no paper. Please come to the first aid, please believe me! " "My colleague replied," How can you imitate me? You just cheated someone with this trick. How to use it without consulting? "... say that finish. Hang up, helpless.

Colleague number four is dialing. A squat toilet next door rang, "friend, don't count on it. I have been here for three hours, and my mobile phone is dead. I'm not out of the Woods yet! "

Syncope.

Last weekend, I visited a museum. When people are in a hurry, I run to the men's room. When I got there, I banged.

Lock the compartment, unbutton your pants, and you'll be ready for convenience. Suddenly, in the small room next door, there came a man's voice.

Question:

"Hey, buddy, how are you?"

I usually don't talk to other men in the men's room, but I don't know why that day, so I casually replied, "Still."

All right. "

Just as I was concentrating on what I should do, the next door spoke again:

"What do you want to do?"

I think this guy is too friendly. How can he make friends with others in the toilet? Maybe he

Lonely, right? So, although I was reluctant, I answered him: "I will go home after watching the exhibition."

"Can you come to see me later?"

Now, I fully understand who I met: either a perverted homosexual or a psychopath. I

I couldn't stand it any longer, so I gave him a hard answer:

"boring! Please leave me alone. "

The people next door didn't say anything. I finally breathed a sigh of relief. We must take such a mental illness seriously.

Suddenly, a voice came from next door:

"I'm sorry, David, I'll turn it off first and call you later. There is a pervert next door who is always there to answer my questions ... "

A person was in a meeting, and suddenly he wanted to defecate, so he came out, but he couldn't find the toilet anywhere, so he put the plastic bag in a corner and solved it on the spot. When he finished, he picked up the plastic bag, glanced at the window above, and threw it out with a whoosh, only to find it stuck to the wall. It turned out to be the shadow reflected from the back window! Depressed! At this moment, a female cleaner came, and he greeted her with a smile: Sister, I will give you 50 yuan, will you help me get the shit off? The woman looked up for a moment, took out 100 from her pocket and said, big brother, I'll give you 100. Please tell me how your shit got up. That's great.

You can't pull it out if you do it alone. He has been in it for half an hour, which is very annoying. At this time, there were hurried footsteps outside the door, and he entered the next room. As soon as the door was closed, he heard a sudden diarrhea. The man said, brother next door, I really envy you for pulling it out so soon. Shout next door, envy! Haven't come yet and take off your pants!

4 celery was walking, and suddenly I felt a pain in my stomach. Then he hissed. What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

A friend's child goes to primary school, and the teacher asks him to draw. The first three pictures show that the pig was lost, and later the mother pig found it. Let's draw the fourth picture. According to our idea, children must draw a picture of mother pig and pig living happily together. As we all know, the children drew a bonfire with two roast pigs, one big and one small.

On the way to school with several classmates, classmate A accidentally stepped on a horse gourd cover and turned it over. Fortunately, we caught him in time, but his feet were still soaked in the poop in the horse gourd ... After I got him up, I observed the horse gourd cover, which was near my home, and it was okay to walk on it often. I tried to step on it with one foot, but I didn't turn it over. I stepped on both feet. I said curiously to my classmates who were cleaning up the poop on their feet, "You don't know how it grows. You won't turn it over until I get up. " Then I jumped twice, and the lid of the horse gourd suddenly turned over … because other students were cleaning A's shoes, and no one came to catch me …

When I was in junior high school, I lived on campus and the management was strict. Some students can't bear loneliness, and secretly go to Internet cafes to play at night. Because the gate was closed, he had to jump off the wall, so the classmate jumped out of the toilet. I didn't expect the take-off force to be small, so I jumped directly into the cesspit. After two o'clock in the middle of the night, I walked twenty miles and went home.

Contribute all the classic jokes I collected ... 1. Three white rabbits picked a mushroom, and the two big ones asked the small ones to get some wild vegetables to eat together. The youngest said I wouldn't go, so I left, and you ate my mushrooms. The two big ones said no, and the white rabbit went ~ ~ ~ Half a year passed, and the big one said no. Eat the other big one first and then wait ~ ~ A year has passed, and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two major discussions don't have to wait for us to eat. Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms. 2. Many things will have various tastes after being cooked ... so cooking? # 123; Always very particular. But ... on the contrary ... something; It smells better if it's chilled. What is this? Electricity. Because ... refrigerator->; Electricity-ice-(fragrance) ... 3. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink ... coffee ... because ... (car)-(flying) 4. We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala, so what is a bear without a penis called? The answer is the female bear, because the female bear has no penis. 5. Once upon a time, there was a steamed bread ~ ate a meatball ~ turned into steamed bread ~ 6. Once upon a time, there was a rare steak and a rare steak in the street. Why don't they say hello? Because: they are strangers ... 7. Q: One day, a bird took 1 hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours to get back! Why? Because it is raining! So cover the rain with one hand and let it fly with the other. 8. Q: What chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow? A: Chicken nuggets (quick)

Have fun! O(∩_∩)O~