The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense

The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense

The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense. Many adult children will find that their relationship with their parents seems to have changed invisibly when they grow up. The relationship seems to be less harmonious, but more tense. What should I do if the relationship between adult children and their parents is tense? The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense. 1

1. We should know that parents are thinking of us. Even if their actions often make us feel uncomfortable, we should find an appropriate time to express our opinions from their perspective.

2. Go home and have a look. My parents are old, but we work and get married separately, so we have less time to go home, and the people around our parents are only our parents. Their lives have become deserted, and we only hope that we can go home more often, just to have a look. The elderly parents have limited time, and they want nothing more. All we can do is take time to go home and see them and spend time with them.

3. Your parents' care should start from the daily trifles. From being caring and attentive to physical examination, from clothing, food, shelter and transportation to teaching to play mobile phones, we should be more patient and careful, and do more things to make our parents happy in the limited time.

4. Listening is always the best mode to get along with each other. In fact, we all understand many words our parents advised us, and they also understand them, but they just don't feel at ease, so we don't refute them, just listen quietly. Only when we obey can they feel at ease.

Ways to get along with parents

1. Communication. We have lived with our parents for a long time, and we feel that we know everything well, but in fact, with the growth of our parents' age, many concepts and ideas are gradually changing. Moreover, they all say "the youngest", that is, the younger you get, the older your parents will behave like children in many ways, so many times our communication with your parents requires constant communication and expression. Of course, it is best to control your own expression and emotional expression when communicating.

2. Keep in touch. Parents are most afraid of loneliness and miss their children. In addition, with the development of science and technology, if they are really busy and have no time to go home often, they should at least make a weekly call or online video to ask their parents about their recent situation, whether they are in good health, whether the weather is good or bad, whether there are any special things happening, etc. If they don't meet, they should also let their parents listen to our voices and know about our recent situation, regardless of their work or life.

3. We have to accept that our parents are really old, their bodies are no longer strong, their thoughts are no longer avant-garde, and even their behaviors are naive, but those are our parents, who gave birth to us and raised us, so we really should love our parents.

4. If children are away from home, remember to call their parents often. No matter where you are, they are always the people who care about you the most. It is more meaningful to call them more than chatting with qq or WeChat as a whole. The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense. 2

What happened to those children who became estranged from their parents?

Xiaofeng is my college classmate. Since I met her, I found that she seldom goes home. Other students are looking forward to going home during the Chinese New Year holiday, having a good time and eating delicious food cooked by their parents. However, every year during the Spring Festival, Xiaofeng is the last person who likes to go home. She always puts off going home until the last day of school, and returns to school at the earliest time allowed by the school. I think she is simply running away from her home.

After graduating from college, Xiaofeng found a job in the city where our university is located. Since then, she seldom goes home, and she spends the New Year alone. I once asked her why, but she didn't elaborate. However, from some words and deeds, I guess this is the reason: that is the eccentricity of parents.

Xiaofeng once said that coming to college is an opportunity he earned by fighting to the death. Xiaofeng also has a younger brother at home. His younger brother is not good at school, but his parents are forcing him to go to school. And her grades are very good, but her parents want her to graduate early to earn money for her younger brother to study. Xiaofeng knows that the conditions at home are not good, but she doesn't want to give up the opportunity to change her destiny. For rural girls, if they don't go to school, the only way out may be to work in other places and get married after a few years, and there is no other opportunity.

Every time her parents want her to drop out of school, it's the worst time for her. She once cried and knelt in front of her parents to go to school, begged them to give her a chance, and assured them that after graduating from college, she would definitely give all the money she earned in the first five years to her family before she got her parents' consent.

In recent years, Xiaofeng has been paid every month, leaving all the necessary expenses to her family, and her relationship with her parents may only be about money. When it comes to affection, she always avoids speaking.

This is the story of Xiao Feng. In real life, some people may have a bad relationship with their parents because of other things. For example, trying to escape the control of parents.

My friend Xiao Wei is a girl with great personality, and she has the edge of a boy. Wei seldom contacts her parents at ordinary times. If her parents don't call her, she won't call home. Wei said that when she was a child, her father was very strict with her discipline. If she doesn't listen, it's a beating. She felt almost breathless in such a living environment. At a very young age, her ideal was to escape from her parents, leave her hometown and live in a distant place where no one knew.

as an adult, she seldom goes home again. For others, home may be a warm harbor, but for her, it has become a memory to avoid.

As the saying goes, the relationship between parents and children is that parents watch their children's backs go further and further. It is inevitable that the child will leave home and his parents after he becomes an adult. However, the distance of reality can be far away, but the distance of mind can be shortened. If it is said that their children are alienated from their own relationship after leaving home, then parents should really reflect on whether they have done something wrong. The relationship between adult children and their parents is tense. 3

The relationship between adults and their parents is enough to do one thing well. < P > Once there was a joke, "Lucy, Linda, Vivian and Julia in the city returned to their respective hometowns and became Cui Hua, Xiaohong, Ya Dan and Er Nizi."

Different appellations not only hide different lifestyles, but also have a helpless reality: it is increasingly difficult for these Cui Hua and Xiaohong to get along well with their parents.

There is a friend who only stays at home for three days every long vacation. On the first day, the father is kind and filial, and the next day, he begins to dislike each other. It is best to leave on the third day, otherwise he will have to endure the drama of urging marriage and giving birth.

You want to have a good rest during the holiday. They have a firm schedule and ask you to have breakfast before 7 o'clock. Your achievements and pride can't be shared with your parents. They only care about whether you can find someone first ...

When you think of the sadness that your parents are getting old and your children want to raise but don't stay with them, you will regret not spending more time with them at home, but it's not as beautiful as you thought.

The furthest distance in the world is that children and parents are drifting away.

While one side is growing rapidly, the other side is getting old. There is a growing gap between them from lifestyle, interpersonal relationship and vision. Young people suffer from not being understood and tolerated by their parents, let alone knowing how to understand and love them.

the author of "the courage to be hated", Ichiro Kishi, was busy with his work and family when he was young, and rarely contacted his father who lived alone.

Later, his father suffered from Alzheimer's disease, and gradually forgot everything that was important to him. Shoichiro needed to take care of his father, and his life became different.

In the process of taking care of his father, he realized the difficulties of himself and his father, and he was thinking:

Parents who grew up with us will eventually grow old. What can we do for them?

how to improve the relationship with parents?

How to prepare mentally, accompany and accept the old parents?

how to face yourself who is getting old?

It takes courage to face aging, whether it's parents or yourself.

Everyone likes the vigor of children and the vigor of young people. They are as hopeful as the spring and summer of life. But everyone is doomed to the autumn of life, which will blossom and bear fruit, and the leaves will fall.

In the book "Courage to Grow Old", Ichiro Kishimi said: "The courage to face aging is the courage to adjust the attitude towards life. Only a mature person can take care of others, and maturity requires three conditions."

first, I recognize my own value, and I no longer expect parents' evaluation and recognition.

Just like my friend, she worked as a brand publicist in Shanghai, and handled several well-known projects in the industry. She once proudly told her parents about her achievements, but most of her parents couldn't understand what she said.

the criterion for parents to evaluate her is whether her grades are good at school or not, but whether her salary has risen after going to work.

The most fatal disagreement is that in the eyes of parents, as long as they don't get married, they are losers.

In her early years, she cared about her parents' opinions, and gradually found that it was normal that they lived in different environments and could not understand each other.

if you have different views, you will care more about life and exchange ideas less.

every time she goes home, she buys a lot of gifts and is willing to honor her parents out of her heart, not to gain their thanks and recognition. After no longer expecting their evaluation, the relationship has become closer.

Second, think about your own affairs separately from those of your parents, and let your own affairs be decided by yourself.

When I was a child, my parents made many decisions. When my parents are old, on the other hand, they need children to make decisions for them. Children will teach their parents how to live in the way they think is right.

However, parents have developed deep-rooted living habits for decades, and it is difficult to change them. Whether something is good or bad for them often becomes the beginning of a quarrel.

A colleague's mother has high blood pressure and hyperlipidemia, but she just likes to eat greasy and sweet food.

every time they go home, they will quarrel about eating more vegetables and less meat.

once, my mother said irritably, "I have been angry at your house all my life, and now I can't even decide what to eat?"

She discovered that habits are not just habits, but also hidden emotions, which makes her feel that she can't make her own decisions, and it hurts her more than eating anything.

It is the parents who decide how to spend their old age. The so-called self-determination of their own topics means that we can respect each other and let them choose their own lives in the way they want.

Third, get rid of self-centeredness and understand that parents don't live to meet their children's ideals and requirements.

Parents have expectations for their children, and children also have expectations for their parents:

We hope that parents can be healthy and energetic when they are old, and spend every day happily and fully;

I hope that the old people can set an example for the younger generation, and they are kind and kind ...

I hope that our parents can meet our ideals, because we are not mature.

"I" don't need to live to meet the expectations and demands of others, and "others" don't live to meet my expectations and wishes. Parents are also others, and accepting real parents is the real respect.

When Ichiro Kishimi was young, his mother was hospitalized because of a cerebral infarction. At that time, he was still in graduate school. In order to take care of his mother, he dropped out of school for three months. In middle age, he had to suspend his work because of taking care of his father who had Alzheimer's disease.

He admits that he once secretly complained that he sacrificed his career and time to take care of his parents, and he also felt anxious, overwhelmed and unhappy, and no matter how hard you worked, his parents were constantly aging.

However, if you are disturbed by these negative emotions, you can't pay attention to the bright side of things in front of you.

I think that if his mother is ill and he is not a graduate student, but working in a company, the cost of taking a three-month vacation will be even greater, and there is always a positive side to everything.

Fu Peirong, a professor of philosophy at Taiwan Province University, once said: When you get along with your parents, you don't have to take everything to heart. What is rare is to know each other's temper and know what to say seriously and what not to say seriously.

His mother is very careful and nagging. When her son is over 5 years old, she will tell him, "The weather has changed. Do you have any clothes? Is it enough to wear? "

If you think: I'm over 5 years old, and I'm a university professor. Don't you know how to wear more clothes when I'm cold? The relationship with my mother will be very distant.

If you think: It's really a happy thing to have an old mother to care for you when you are over 5 years old. If you are full of gratitude, you can have a close relationship.

The warmest and most harmonious picture between parents and children is "You grow up with me and I grow old with you".

But in real life, it is not easy for adult children to get along with their parents.

Ichiro Kishimi wrote in his book: We can't experience the summer heat fumigation in the cold winter, or experience the winter ice and snow in the hot summer.

When you grow old with your parents, you will truly realize the integrity and preciousness of life and have a deeper understanding of your own life.

The market is full of books that teach parents how to raise a child well, but there are few books that teach children how to understand, accept their parents and accompany them to grow old.

Dr. Hailan said: "The true love for parents is: respect and acceptance, clear boundaries, love for others, self-interest, and self-responsibility."

and the best family appearance should be: we are independent and mature, but we love each other deeply.