Want to pick up girls jokes

Demand for compensation

A young man received a breakup letter from his girlfriend, which wrote: "Although

our relationship has ended, you must compensate I lost four years of my youth

..."

The young man replied a text message: "Dear, I can't

pay this money. , because you don’t have insurance.”

A New Year’s Friend

A man said to his new girlfriend: “If you insist on not telling me. Because of your age, I have no choice but to tell others that I have been friends with you forever."

Chemistry fans

A young man and woman are in love. The man was studying chemistry at this time and was very diligent. In the park, other lovers were talking about love, but he was writing chemical formulas to his girlfriend on the grass. In order to attract his attention, his girlfriend wore a bright floral dress one day. As soon as they met, he looked at his girlfriend's clothes with admiration and shouted: "This dress is so beautiful."

Female My friend thought: "It took a lot of effort to make him fall in love." However, unexpectedly

he immediately said: "The paintings on it are full of desirable benzene circles."

Blowing a kiss

The Wennu father scolded his daughter: "Clara, why did you blow a kiss to that strange young man in public? You are so shameless!"

"What? He blew me a kiss first. If he didn't throw it

back, wouldn't you let me keep it?"

< p>Frozen for Seven Days

A couple got angry and decided to "punish" each other by not talking to each other on the phone for a week

A week later, the woman spoke first: "Since you can bear not to call for seven days

I can bear not to answer the phone for seven days."

p>

Sun and Ocean

A pair of lovers are at the beach.

Male: "I remember a poet wrote this, 'The warm sun selflessly kisses the blue ocean.' My dear, I want to be the selfless sun, you

It’s the blue ocean.”

Female: “What about after the sun goes down?”

The two beggars are very happy. Well, we met in front of a restaurant this morning

. One of them said: "Hurry up and congratulate me! I am finally engaged for my daughter

!"

"Congratulations from the bottom of my heart! Who is the groom?"

"Bigger, who is slightly deaf in his left ear."

"A good boy! How much dowry did you give him?"

"Stop asking this! I will give the entire Miter Er Street and half a cow

Leave Ning Street to him, and I will never beg there again."

I do

Director: "Wang Miss! This scene needs to be filmed. This young man rushed into your room in a hurry, hugged you, tied you up with a rope, and then

he Kiss you wildly."

The heroine: "Is this man tall and beautiful?"

Director: "Hey, why do you ask this?" p>

The heroine: "Then, he doesn't need to tie me up."

Not sure

The girl asked her boyfriend, who was nearly fifty years old: "Dear "How old are you? You seem quite young." Boyfriend: "I don't know. Just tell me how old you are."

”

Girl: “Then what year were you born?” ”

Boyfriend: “When I was born, I was so wet, who knows what year

it was! "

One-eyed aiming

Woman: "Why do you use one eye every time you look at me? ”

Male: “You don’t know?” See it more clearly this way. "

Female: "Why? "

Male: "It's very simple. Don't we all use one eye to aim

when we are shooting? "

Lifesaver

On the ship, a beautiful girl proudly said to the passengers: "I saved more than 800 of you today

Life, do you think it is great or not? ”

Passenger: “How did you save me?” ”

Girl: “Because the captain threatened me that if I didn’t agree to his proposal

he would sink the ship and kill everyone at the bottom of the sea, so I had no choice but to agree

p>

Accepted him. ”

Lower standards

Girl: “You have good conditions in all aspects, why couldn’t you make friends with girls before?” ”

Male: “Because I used to have too high expectations.” "

Female: "Then I am honored to be your girlfriend now. ”

Male: “No, now I have lowered my sights.” "

One word difference

A young woman from a farm wrote to her boyfriend in the city: "With everyone's help, my belly It's getting bigger. ..."

After her boyfriend read the letter, he was puzzled and couldn't sleep all night. He murmured: "Childhood sweethearts, I can't believe..."

The next day, he came to his girlfriend's farm. When he met her, he looked at her blankly. Due to the cold weather, she was wearing a thick cotton coat and her body was really good. It seemed a little bloated. After a long while, he said in a daze: "Let's break up!" "

"Break up? ! What does this mean? "

"What do you mean? ! You understand it yourself! "

"Understand? What do I understand? " She asked in confusion.

"In your belly, don't you understand? ”

“What belly, say it again!” "

"Belly, that's what you said in your letter, did you forget? ”

“Oh! What my letter said was that I was getting bolder and bolder. ”

Hate this question the most

Man: “Dear, how old are you?” "

Female: "I hate it when you ask this. ”

Male: “Why?” "

Female: "Nothing! It's like I asked you how much money you have in your wallet! ”

Grave of Love

A man was ready to end his long-distance love affair of more than ten years and become a happy groom

After the auspicious date was set, he had nothing to do , looking through the almanac, he suddenly found that

this day was "only suitable for burial". He had to laugh at himself and said: "This is really called

'marriage is the tomb of love'!" ”

Diplomatic temperament

Son: “Dad, what is a diplomat?” "

Father: "A diplomat is someone who remembers his girlfriend's birthday and forgets her age

. ”

Best wishes for the New Year

More than ten days have passed since the New Year. A young man forgot to wish his girlfriend

New Year’s greetings, so he wrote a letter Love letter. He wrote at the end of the letter: "I wish you a happy old age! "

Die Lianhua

In the summer, a young man and woman were talking about love. The man pointed at Qiangshe

The flower said: "Dear, You are as beautiful as this rose.

"

The woman said: "Then I am a flower, what are you? "

The man said: "I am the butterfly accompanying the flowers! "

The woman said: "I don't like butterflies! "

The man said: "Why? "

The woman said unhappily: "Look, the butterfly flew to the rose flower again

. ”

The Eyes of Love

A man and woman passionately in love made an appointment to meet. During the date, the girl

waited for the young man to arrive, feeling in her heart Very angry. Later I learned that the young man delayed the appointment in order to see off an old woman who was lost.

When she got home, the girl said sadly. My mother cried: "He simply doesn't love me. He forgot about me for an old woman!" "

The mother stroked her daughter's head and persuaded with a smile: "Silly boy,

He can care so much about an old woman he doesn't know, how can he not love her in the future

You? ! "

The more the merrier

The young man wants to choose a New Year's card for his fiancée.

"This one is suitable. It's beautifully painted! It read: 'Best wishes to my one and only

heart! ""The saleswoman gave him an idea.

"Great! Give me a dozen..."

Let me do it

Under the shade of a tree, a pair of lovers were hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and

went over to the man and said: "You are so confused. To perform artificial respiration, you should

lay her flat on the ground. Go away and let me Come on, I'm a doctor."

Cupid

One day, Xiao Chen saw this sentence in his girlfriend's love letter: "Cupid's god. The arrow hit me..." He couldn't help but burst into anger. He

immediately found his girlfriend and asked: "Where did Cupid shoot you? Which unit does this kid belong to? I want to teach him a lesson!"

Marriage

The father and son had a quarrel over their son's marriage.

At this time, the son’s mother came in to break up the fight. The son pulled his mother over and said: "Mom, I have never interfered in your marriage, but why does dad always interfere in my marriage?! "

Worries

A pair of young lovers stood silently in front of the door. After a while, he asked timidly: "If I kiss you now, will you call your mother?"

She asked in confusion: "What? ? Do you still want to kiss her?"

Hot-blooded Youth

A man asked after donating blood: "Is my blood warm?

”

The nurse nodded yes. The man then said, "Can you issue me a certificate?"

The nurse looked at him doubtfully. The man explained: "My girlfriend often scolds

that I am a cold-blooded animal. I want to prove to her that I am not!"

Know the current affairs

Young woman The association's etiquette teacher teaches students how to give their male companions the opportunity to be attentive. She said: "Sit in the car and don't move. Ask him to open the door for you." Then she added: "But if he has already walked into the restaurant, Start ordering, don't wait any longer."

Chemist proposes

The chemist wrote to his girlfriend: "I am the oxygen atom o, you are the hydrogen source

Son H, our union is as stable as water (H2O)”

My girlfriend replied: “Where is the other H?”

I hope more

"I came to you to propose to your daughter." said the young man.

"Have you talked to my wife?" the father asked.

"Yes, but I would rather marry your daughter."

No chance of having children

A young woman who was about to get married decided at the last moment that she wanted to marry her daughter. Try

to find out her sweetheart. So, she chose a very beautiful girlfriend. Although

she knew it was a risk, she still said to her: "I will arrange for Jack to take you out tonight. ——Take a walk on the beach under the moonlight, and then enjoy a dragon and shrimp dinner. In order to test his loyalty, I want you to ask for a kiss."

My girlfriend smiled, red. Agreed with a straight face. A dangerous plan was carried out.

The next day, the woman in love went to see her girlfriend and asked anxiously: "Did you ask him?"

"No. ."

"No? Why not?"

"I didn't have a chance, he asked me first."

It's a real show.

Jia Li led her new boyfriend to her home. At the door

Jia Li said to her boyfriend: "You can kiss me now, but then I have to

Slap you because my dad is looking out the window."

The female teacher was selected

A young man has three good girlfriends, one of whom is a doctor.

One is a telephone operator and the other is a teacher.

One day, the young man asked his mother which of them was suitable to be his partner. The mother immediately replied: "Of course my child is a female teacher!"

"Why?"

"Isn't this clear? Because the doctor always said, 'It's the next one's turn

' and the phone operator often said things like 'Please be brief',

but the female teacher talked to them. It's different, she always said so kindly, 'Let's do it again, we might as well try again, don't be discouraged, we will succeed in the end. '" /p>

Praise

Person A: "Yesterday, my fiancée praised me in front of everyone."

Person B: "What did she praise you for?"

p>

A: "She said that I am very good at solving problems. I didn't wash my socks when they were dirty. I turned them over

and wore them for another week."

A shy man< /p>

A shy man never has the courage to fall in love with the woman he loves

Although she likes him very much and often creates opportunities for him to express his love, he has never been able to take advantage of the opportunities she created.

One night, he and she were sitting on a bench in the park. As usual, he had nothing to say. She couldn't help but hint to him: "It is said that the length of a man's arm is equal to a woman's waist. Do you believe it or not?" "Is it true?" ?" he replied,? It's a pity that I didn't bring a rope

to measure it. "

Fortunately we haven't gone on a blind date yet

Man: "Hello, my dear! ”

Female: “I’m sorry, who are you?” ”

Male: “What do you think?” ”

Female: “I can’t see it!” ”

Male: “Then do you know who it is?” "

Female: "I can't hear it either. ”

Male: “Goodbye (puts down the phone), deaf and blind.” My cousin is really like that. How can I introduce such a person? Fortunately, we haven’t gone on a blind date yet. "

What does it mean?

Man: "I dreamed last night that I proposed to you. What do you think this sign

means? "

Female: "This means that you are more emotional when you are asleep than when you are awake. "

Level skipping

"Xiao Chen, tell me, has there been any progress in your relationship with Lily?

"

"Not at all.

Whenever I tell her that I love her, she quickly diverts the conversation to talk about marriage. ”

Gentlemanlike

Girl: “My boyfriend is very gentlemanly.” ”

Girlfriend: “How is he?” ”

Female: “When he kisses me, he always takes the cigarette away from his mouth. "

Girlfriend: "..."

Inner Beauty

A young man dressed up very fashionably and went to find his girlfriend. Girlfriend

Friends were very disgusted when they saw that he had oily hair and pink face, and was neither male nor female, so he said dissatisfiedly: "I hate your external beauty, but I like the inner beauty. "

When the young man heard this, he hurriedly unbuttoned his coat, pointed to the green velvet coat with peony flowers embroidered on the chest, and said, "Look, I'm also very beautiful inside. . "

Fish in troubled waters

A couple traveled together. When the train they took passed through the long tunnel

and came out, the man said: "If it were early If I knew the tunnel was so long,

I would give you a kiss! "

"Oh my God! The woman screamed, "Weren't you the one who kissed me just now?" "

Beware of being deceived

Qingqing said to her mother: "Mom, I found that A Ming is indeed my crush. Every time he hugs me At this time, I heard his heart beating. "

The mother warned: "Be careful! Your father used a pocket watch to deceive me back then! "

I am no exception

My girlfriend bought a new pen for her boyfriend. She asked tentatively: "Get this pen. Can you Whose name will be written first? "

The boyfriend asked: "You want me to tell you the truth? "

My girlfriend said: "Of course you have to tell the truth. ”

The boyfriend replied: “Ninety-seven percent of men write their own names first when trying to write, and I am no exception. ”

Arrange in advance

A young man dressed fashionably came to a high-end hotel.

As soon as he entered the door, he handed the receptionist a sign. Order.

The waiter weighed the shilling in confusion and said with a smile: "What, do you want to use this money to book a banquet?" "

The young man hurriedly explained: "No, no, I will accompany a girl in a while. Please speak to us loudly: 'We are full today, please go elsewhere. 'That's it

Thank you! "

I was really hurt

A young man and woman were walking on the avenue.

Woman: "We were hit by Cupid's arrow. ”

Man: “It’s okay if you shoot me, but you can’t be shot.” As long as I am here, I will never let you get hurt. "

Female: "I'm really hurt. ”

I will be so hot

Man: “Honey, if you let me take a good look at your face, I

will buy you a pair Sable gloves; if you let me hold your hand, I

will buy you a silver fox fur scarf; if you let me kiss you, I will

give it to you Buy an otter skin shawl; ah, if you let me..."

Female: "That's enough, that's enough! I'll be so hot! "

Yuanyang

At the edge of the zoo's pool, a young man held the girl's hand and said: "Let us be like the mandarin ducks and live forever. How about together? "

The girl replied with regret: "That's good, but I haven't learned to swim yet

! ”

Exports pay attention to packaging

My brother and sister have reached the age where they love to look beautiful, and they are very particular about their clothes

But my mother often buys new ones for my sister. clothes, and ignored his younger brother.

For this reason, my younger brother was very unhappy and said that his mother was partial.

But my mother had her reasons.

She said: "We should pay special attention to the packaging of things sold abroad."

Marriage Advertisement

1

"Are you my sweetheart? I have been in business for many years, I am extremely smart, and I am very wealthy. Although I am already forty, I am still handsome and strong. What is the shortcoming?

< p>I would like to meet a beautiful and warm-hearted woman, a non-smoker, and an alcoholic, between the ages of 20 and 35. If you are interested, please send me a message

< p>A brief biography, please attach your photo and phone number. Note: Don’t forget to attach your photo! ”

Two

Twenty-two years old. , virgin, stewardess. Gentle and elegant, beautiful, reasonable, and good at cooking. Once you come into contact, you will be surprised

surprised. Looking for a man who is financially wealthy, regardless of age or race, but he must

be sincere to others. I hope you can accompany me to shop in Paris and eat out in Rome. If

he can continue to attract me within three months from the date we met, I will marry him. I wish you good luck

and look forward to good news. "

Pure love

A pair of lovers cuddled tightly together. The man said: "Dear

I want to give all my pure love to you. Dedicated to you! The woman was stunned after hearing this, and said: "Those who are impure, which one are you going to give to them?" "

Find your husband's family

Introducer: "What do you think of the other party? "

Young woman: "I don't have any thoughts about him. ”

Introducer: “Marriage is a big deal, you have to think about it carefully. ”

Young woman: “No need!” Anyway, I’m looking for my husband’s family. ”

Not yet sent

A young man went to XX University to visit his girlfriend. The doorman asked

him to fill in the guest form. Name, gender, address , age... When the last "relationship" column was filled in, the young man thought for a long time and filled in the words "it hasn't happened yet"

It hasn't happened yet. p>

***Same language

Mom: "This young man is beautiful, has a high salary and a good job, but you disagree

what kind of guy are you looking for?" ? "

Daughter: "I want to find someone who speaks the same language. "

Mom: "He is not a foreigner, how come he doesn't have the same language as him?

”

Marriage Notice

A farmer wanted to post a “Marriage Notice” saying that her daughter’s wedding

will include a cow. In order to In order to save words, the farmer reduced the number of words in the "marriage proposal" to the minimum. As a result, it was published in the newspaper and became like this: "Marry my daughter Emma." The person will have a good cow! "

Follow your mother's teachings

Girl: "My mother often told me that no matter what you ask of me before getting married

I should answer a The word 'no'. ”

Man (thought for a moment): “Do you mind if I hold your hand?” "

Female: "No. ”

Man: “Don’t you object to me kissing you?” "

Female: "No. ”

Man: “Then, you won’t refuse us to go to bed together, right?” "

Female: "No. ”

Man: “Ah! Long live your mother! ”

Serious question

A young man and woman sat on a bench in the park, staring at each other thoughtfully

After a while. , the girl whispered to her boyfriend: "Angus, if you tell me what you are thinking, I will give you a penny." "

The young man replied: "I was thinking that it would be best if you gave me a small

kiss.

"

The girl blushed and kissed him. After a while, she said again: "I

will spend another penny to buy what you are thinking now, Angus. "

"This time I am thinking about a serious question. " said the young man.

"What could be the problem, Angus? "The girl asked shyly.

"I was thinking that now you should pay me the penny. "

Know your heart

Man: "Dear! Do you know my heart? "

Female: "Before I know your heart, you should know mine first

Why bother asking? ”

Speaking in foreign languages

A young man who loved watching foreign movies decided to show off his art of speaking in front of his girlfriend whom he met for the first time

. So the young man Say:

"Good morning, nice to meet you. You are so beautiful. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

"

My girlfriend said: "No, thank you, let us have Western food! ”

Unintelligible letter

A girl walked to a drug store crowded with customers. She waited patiently

until everyone had finished buying After the medicine was gone, she approached the pharmacist, handed him a letter and asked him to read it. She said: "This is from my boyfriend." of. He is a doctor and only the pharmacist can understand him. ”

Professional Instinct

A girl who worked as a salesperson in a department store fell in love for the first time

. After her first kiss with her boyfriend, she actually said Asked: "Do you want anything else

? "

All in one color

In a marriage agency.

"Miss, do you prefer a man with yellow hair or a man with black hair?

people? ”

“I want a man with red hair!” You know, all the

furniture in my house is red! ”

In a remote mountainous area, a woman was born with a sexual nature. Soon after her marriage, her man went out to do business, and the woman had an affair with her lover in the house. Halfway through the incident, she heard footsteps coming from outside the house, and the woman hurriedly asked her lover to He put on a sheepskin coat and hid in the sheep pen in the backyard. The man came back and asked the woman to have sex with him. The woman refused. The man was so thirsty that he went to the backyard to catch a sheep. It happened that the sheep was the woman's lover. Yes, after the storm passed, the man went back to his room satisfied, got up in the middle of the night and went to catch the sheep to vent his anger. In the morning, the man got up, thinking about last night, he felt that the sheep had a different taste, so he went to the backyard again, caught the sheep and was about to do something. , the sheep suddenly stood up and spoke: "Are you crazy, am I the only sheep in the sheepfold? "

A female colleague from our unit took the bus to the bank yesterday. There was a young woman in the bus who was wearing very colorful clothes. A pervert passed by, stood behind her, and made physical contact with her back and forth. The woman was furious and turned around and yelled: "You squeezed a J8!" At this time, the car was quiet. After a few seconds of silence, the perverted man replied: "One J8". Our colleague said that there were several people in the car laughing. The boy wanted to go over and help the girl, but he was too happy to do it. Then the pervert got off the car as soon as he arrived at the station. Beauty, can you lend me a fruit knife? "

"You want to? What are you doing?"

"I want to help you peel off the apple!"

Beauty, what time is it?

It’s five past eleven.

It seems that we are so destined! My watch is also exactly 11:50!

Beauty! Please wait a moment, please wait a moment! (Holding a brick in hand!) Did you drop this brick?

Watching a TV series at home, I felt that the proposal scene was too romantic. I looked back at my boyfriend who was intoxicated in the game and said, "Propose to me too. Propose to me too." He moved his eyes from the game to my face, thought for a moment and said, "I beg for mercy."

My boyfriend complains that I am too fierce all the time.

I counterattacked and said, how can I be so evil? Besides, weren’t you the one who fell in love with me in the first place? My boyfriend said: "How is this possible? Your breasts are so small!"

One day on a whim, I decided to cook a small pot of rice noodles at home for my boyfriend to eat. Then I watched him eat with joy and asked him: " "Is it salty or salty enough?" He said: "I haven't eaten salted eggs yet."

My boyfriend is much older than me. One day, I had a sudden idea and asked him if he had met me a few years earlier. If he would choose me, he immediately replied: No. I was very unhappy and asked: Why? He rubbed his sleepy eyes and said: A few years ago, how old were you? It was against the law to be with minors.

I like to act coquettishly with him every day and say: "Husband, I love you."

My boyfriend thought for a while and said: "I think so"

My boyfriend is a foodie and often says to me: "Whatever you like to eat, I will take you to eat it." One day I passed by a seafood restaurant and my boyfriend said: "Hey, you don't like seafood." I also thought, yes I didn’t mean to say, otherwise I would often take you to eat, but people said: “Otherwise my wallet will be killed.”