Humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife

Humor provides a channel to express feelings, behaviors and impulses that are not accepted by society. I collected some humorous jokes about husband and wife quarreling for you. Let's have a look.

Boutique lovers quarrel with humorous jokes.

1) A couple was watching a dance in the ballroom, and her husband said with emotion, What a strange world. A beautiful woman marries an ugly person, and every ugly fool has a beautiful wife.

The wife smiled and said, honey, you really know how to kiss up.

2) wife: husband, a first-class man, obedient at home; Second-class men never quarrel; A third-class man will never dominate. Honey, what kind of person are you?

Husband: Let men do it. I want to be a woman.

3) One day, my boyfriend came to meet me at the subway station by motorcycle, and I deliberately asked:? Master, how much is the garden community? The boyfriend said:? No money, just give me a kiss. ? So I kissed him and got in his car. Beside? Motorcycle? The master was blindsided and kindly reminded me: Little girl, don't be fooled! ?

4) One night, I competed with my boyfriend, and soon I was left behind, so I yelled at him. Robbery, robbery! ? Passers-by looked at us in succession, so my boyfriend had to slow down. I overtook him at once, so he had to run with me. I couldn't shake him off at first sight and began to shout: robbery, robbery! ?

5) Once, my husband drove me downstairs. It occurred to me that I put my face on the window and shouted with twisted facial features. Help! Help! ? My husband put his hand on my head and pushed it out desperately. Just then, the security uncle of the building opened the car door like a dream and said? I'm here to save you. ?

6) My husband bought me a mobile phone. On the bus back, I suddenly asked him: Let your wife know that you are going to get more than one bargained for, right? Who knows that my husband took my message and said: Who told you not to build a big house but to be a second room? At this time, everyone next to us squinted at us. Not to be outdone, I said, don't you know that you are a little favored? .

7) One day, my boyfriend walked fast in front and I shouted at the back. Brother in front, give me a dollar change. I want to go home by car. ? This shout, next to an uncle looked at me with strange eyes. My boyfriend turned around with a strong accent, took out two coins and put them in my hand, saying, I rewarded it. ? The uncle next to me was completely blinded and kept watching me get on the bus.

8) Once I got on the bus, my boyfriend and I deliberately stood far away. After a pause, I crept up behind him, made a V-shaped gesture, and gently took out his wallet from his pocket. He didn't respond. At this time, I found that everyone in the car was looking at me, holding the bag tightly without exception, and a mm actually took out her mobile phone and wouldn't let him call the police. I quickly said:? Sir, your mobile phone is about to drop. ?

9) One day, my boyfriend and I made an appointment to meet at the gate of the park. When I arrived, I saw that he was already waiting for me. I pretended to be surprised and said, hey, where's your wife? Business trip? My husband is not here today, so come to my house tonight! ? At this time, an old lady next to us frowned and stared at us?

10) the wife asked her husband: honey, if you compare the lovers in the romance of the three kingdoms with us, which couple do you think is the most similar to us in the romance of the three kingdoms? The husband thought for a moment and said: if Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao are compared with us, Zhou Yu's life span is so short and mine is so long, which is definitely inappropriate; If we compare Liu Bei with Sun Shangxiang, Liu Bei is so much older than Sun Shangxiang, and we are not much different in age, which is inappropriate. Wife: Don't you have a suitable pair? The husband thought for a moment and then said, Oh, dear! There is a couple like us! The wife can't wait to ask, which couple are you talking about? Husband: Zhuge Liang and Huang Yueying. Not only is the age difference similar to ours, but even looks alike! Wife: I'll kill you if you talk nonsense again. .....

1 1) When I was a teenager, I wanted to meet a Nie Xiaogan, made a desperate love, and left home with her soul before dawn. When I was a child, I wanted to meet a white snake. She had a big family and wanted everything. After a soft meal, she wiped her mouth, and someone put her in the Leifeng Tower. Middle-aged people want a snail girl, gentle and lovely, fragrant with black tea, and tired of writing in the middle of the night. Let her change back to her original shape, add dried Chili, pepper, ginger and garlic slices, pour sesame oil on it, and take the pot and plate.

12) I went shopping with my second-rate wife, who took a fancy to a skirt. I thought it was too exposed, so I wouldn't let her buy it. She said:? I'll try, okay? Looking at her poor little eyes, I gave in. As a result, she put on her skirt and ran away like a gust of wind, leaving me and the salesman in a mess.

13) ? Honey, what can I do for you? I want to return it! ? Oh? May I ask the reason for the return? I broke up with my boyfriend, and now I don't need it! ?

A selection of humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife

1) In the evening, a couple is lying in bed. The husband patted his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm. The wife turned around and said, honey, I'm sorry. I'm going to see a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep clean. The husband was rejected, so he turned to get ready for bed. But after a few minutes, the husband turned around and started patting his wife on the shoulder. This time, he leaned close to her ear and asked softly, "Are you going to see the dentist tomorrow, too?"

2) male:? I really love you, but a young lady is pregnant, and I have to say I did it. ? Wife:? I absolutely believe it's not you. Take a closer look at our children. What is like you?

3) My wife loves playing mahjong and doesn't go home until the early hours of the morning. In order not to wake her husband, she took off her clothes in the living room and then quietly walked into the bedroom. I was about to go to bed when my husband happened to wake up and flew into a rage. Too much! You didn't come back until you lost everything?

4) Today, when my husband came back from a business trip, I suddenly felt the desire for love! So I asked shyly, how are you going to torture me when my husband comes back?

Husband replied: I will sleep on the sofa tonight!

5) Husband:? Dear, I have bought all the cosmetics you want, so please buy some for me! ?

Wife:? Of course, this big bag of washing powder is for you! ?

6) Me: You were really happy when you were a child. You can eat foreign fast food, so I have to take steamed bread to school.

Wife: Steamed bread is green food. How nutritious! Look at you, how smart you are to raise steamed bread. You can catch up with me.

7) Me: I had a hard time as a child. I have to cut cattle after school.

Wife: I am more bitter than you! After school, I will also go to the countryside to collect grass and feed my rabbit (my wife's pet). Think about it, how tired it is on such a hot day.

Me: But besides mowing the cows, I have to help my mother grow vegetables.

Wife: You are very good. Everyone is helpful. I am in pain. The strawberries I grow have to be watered and mowed every day, expecting them to grow up without help.

Me: How many strawberries did you grow?

Wife: A pot.

8) As soon as a woman passes by, her skin relaxes and she begins to have fat on her stomach.

One day, I pinched the meat on my stomach and said that I had gained weight. There are three circles on my stomach. ?

Husband smiled:? One more lap and you'll be Audi! ?

9) My wife was watching a blind date program, and when she saw a very fat female guest holding hands with the man she was in love with failed, she said to her husband. If this woman likes you, do you want it?

Husband:? I don't like fat people. ?

Wife:? What will you do if I get fat?

Husband:? what can I do? My hand is broken. ?

Wife:?

10) Anonymous has been suffering from chest tightness and poor breathing, and went to the hospital to see a doctor. The old doctor smiled and asked: Do you feel chest tightness and poor breathing during the day, but not at night? This woman recalled that it was true. The old doctor said: Is the bra small?

1 1)A: I heard that a buddy shook hands with a woman and she got pregnant. Is it possible? A: This guy doesn't like to wash his hands, and neither do women ~

12) the wife asked: how do you know that two of the four flies killed were male and the other two were female?

The husband replied: I killed the two males on the bottle and the two females on the mirror.

Madam: The woman next door is wearing the same clothes as mine.

Husband: Do you want to buy a new set?

Madam: Of course, it's cheaper than moving to a new house.

Classic humorous jokes about couples quarreling.

1) A woman almost gave birth during childbirth, so she blamed her husband and said? It's all your usual sins that make me so sad today. ? The husband also felt very sorry and guilty, so the husband and wife agreed to sleep in separate beds from now on and never again. After the full moon, someone knocked at the door in her husband's room at night. Husband asked:? Who is it? The wife replied? Here comes the daredevil! ?

2) One day, when I had nothing to do, my husband asked his wife: Dear, do you know why fish is dumb? Wife:? I don't know? Husband:? It's simple. You just stick your head in the water and try to say a few words. ?

3) An old quack misdiagnosed someone else's daughter and died. In order to compensate, he gave his daughter to the other party as an adopted daughter. Then, he diagnosed another maid as dead, and in order to compensate, he gave his maid to the other party. One night, someone knocked at his door and said, my good wife has abdominal pain and asks the old man to see a doctor. ? The old quack called his wife out and said, dear, please get ready to leave! ?

4) A lady and a football coach are about to get married. She knows that the game is always the most important thing for her husband. One day she was particularly depressed and blurted out, Frank, you'd rather miss my funeral than go to the ball game! ? Husband answered calmly:? Roberta, what on earth makes you think that I will arrange your funeral on a day when there is a ball game?

5) A couple in the United States had a fierce quarrel about the family economy. Finally, the wife said, if it weren't for my money, this TV set wouldn't be here. If it weren't for my money, your easy chair wouldn't be here. The house wouldn't be here if it weren't for my money. ? Are you laughing at me? The husband snorted and said, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for your money. ?

6) A gentleman complained to his friend that his wife likes to eat, drink and have fun, and at the end of each month, she always makes ends meet. A friend taught a gentleman to take his wife to the Buddhist temple more often, so that she would understand? Everything is empty? The truth. One day, a friend met a gentleman and asked him, What's up? Does your wife understand the real meaning? A gentleman shook his head and said with a wry smile, she likes to wear clothes besides eating and drinking now! ? Well, what did she realize? Buddha needs gold and man needs clothes? Ah! ?

7) The wife found the man eating in a secret restaurant and had a big fight. The man took his wife home and advised her: just playing, not serious. ? The woman cried and said, play? Why not take me to play? The man said:? I'll take you to play and let her cook at home. Would you like to? The woman said:? Then why don't you let go of her hand? The man said:? That's someone else's hand. Not fresh, not serious. ? Woman:? Then why don't you hold my hand so affectionately? Man:? I hold my hand, what kind of affection do I need? The woman cried and said, you have no feelings for me at all. ? Man:? Of course, you are already my right-hand man and a part of my body. Although I won't miss her deliberately, I can't live without her. If I leave, I will become disabled. Which of these two hands is more important The wife thought for a moment, smiled through tears and said, are you really bad? .

8) An old couple who have been married for forty years are chatting. Wife complains:? You are not as kind to me as before. You used to sit next to me. ? The husband replied:? This is easy to handle. ? Then he moved to sit next to her. ? But you used to hold me tight. ? Is this good? He put his arm around his wife's neck. ? Do you remember how you used to kiss my neck and bite my ear? He jumped up and walked out of the door. The wife quickly asked, Where are you going? The husband replied:? I have to get my dentures. ?

9) The wife is pregnant. Ask her if her husband is a boy or a girl. Husband reluctantly put down the mop:? Girls are good, and there is no trouble being a girl; Being a girlfriend can be unreasonable; Being a wife may be tricky, but being a woman is great! ?

10) The couple are watching TV at home. Tv news broadcast:? Men nowadays want to have an extramarital affair. ? After the husband listens, busy say:? Then I must be from there. I'm an asshole! ? Then, the news continued to report:? Other men are already having an affair. ?

1 1) My husband is surfing the Internet. My wife is pathetic: Dear, do you love me or not? Husband:? I won't tell! ? Wife:? How could you? I just want to ask. Now you won't even tell me the language of love. Think back to that time? (Omit the thousand-word love story below)? Husband is helpless: love, love, love? Wife:? Then you will be willing to give me the computer! ? Husband:

12) Poor wife: Honey, do you love me or not? Husband:? Honey. ? Wife:? Love me, can you promise me one thing? Husband:? All right! ? Wife:? Then I will surf the Internet today! ? Husband:

13) The wife and husband quarreled for lack of money. Husband quarreled and lost, frustrated tunnel:? Only women and little people are difficult to raise! ? The wife is stupefied:? Who said that? The husband proudly said, Confucius! ? The wife said disdainfully, it seems that his salary is not high. ?

14) A divorced couple went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the formalities. On the way, suddenly, the husband said to his wife, I beg you, just hold my hand and put your head on my shoulder and be happy, okay? The wife asked in surprise. Why? Husband said shyly:? The woman walking in front is my ex-wife. ?

15) wife: honey, you've been talking in your sleep lately. Do you want to go to the hospital for a checkup? Husband: That's not necessary. If it is cured, my last right to speak will also be deprived.