Looking for some short riddles or jokes ~

I don't know if it's useful to you, but I laughed anyway (the classic hilarious joke is at the end)

The worst brain teaser in history

1. Question: Which flower is the weakest, jasmine, sunflower or rose?

Answer: Molly.

Reason: What a beautiful (powerless) jasmine.

2. Question: What is the pencil's surname?

A: Xiao.

Reason: Sharpen (sharpen) the pencil.

3. Question: What line do orangutans hate most?

Answer: parallel lines.

Cause: Parallel lines do not intersect (banana).

4. Question: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

Answer: Eraser.

Cause: Eraser (rubber difference).

5. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

6. Question: What will Kirin become when it arrives at the North Pole?

Answer: ice cream.

Reason: ice cream (iced unicorn).

7. Question: Which historical figure should be beaten the most?

Answer: Su Wu.

Reason: Su Wu was herding sheep by the North Sea (being beaten by the sea).

8. Question: From 1 to 9, which number is the most diligent and which number is the laziest?

Answer: 1 lazy; 2 work hard.

Reason: One (1) does not do two (2) endlessly.

9. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

10. Question: Who runs fastest in history?

Answer: Cao Cao

Reason: Speak of the devil.

1 1. Q: Who is Mi's mother?

Answer: flowers

Reason: peanuts

12. Question: What is white plus white?

Answer: equal to the white rabbit.

Reason: Xiao Bai Er

13. Question: 30-50 which number is worse than bear shit! !

Answer: 40

Reason: Facts speak louder than words.

14. Question: What should I do if the pigs in the pigsty run out?

Answer: Wang Leehom.

Reason: to coax.

Question: What if I come out again?

The answer is: Han Hong.

Reason: Still coax.

Laughing students make sentences.

Title: Among them

Student: My left foot hurts.

Comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Student: After work, my father went home one after another.

Comment: How many dads do you have?

Title: Prosperity.

Student: My brother is thriving.

Comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?

Theme: sadness

Student: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Comment: The teacher is even sadder.

Title: Again ... Again.

Student: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

Title: In addition,

Student: A train passes by, besides, besides.

Comment: I am dead.

Title: Right away

Student: I'm happy to ride a horse.

Comment: Come down.

After the teacher found a cigarette butt in the dormitory ......

[Scene 1]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy A: No. ..

Teacher: Well, I'll have French fries.

Boy A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ...

(Scene 2)

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: Well, I'll have French fries.

Boy B is holding French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: Don't you want some ketchup?

B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers-

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries.

Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy C picked up French fries and put them in his ear. ...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: No. ..

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy Ding quickly took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet. ...

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy just took the French fries,

The teacher said: Don't invite me to dinner.

The boy quickly took the French fries from his hand and then took out the lighter. ...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy has sweated his palms and bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

The boy took French fries out of his pocket: Come on, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet. ...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: I swear to God, I will never smoke again.

Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries.

Boy: It's natural to take away the French fries and eat them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: (get carried away) Greater China ...

[scene N]

Teacher: French fries, please!

Boy: No thanks.

1 When I was a child, I played TV series Hunt and Rogue Tycoon. An old woman in the yard said, "Chasing the Fugitive is on tonight." . . . . . .

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? What happened?

I was speechless. After he spoke for a long time, he looked at me. Maybe it means that I have to make a statement after what he said.

In an instant, I really didn't know what to say, so I blurted out: Is your girlfriend a woman?

I have had a cold for a long time! ! ! !

When the junior high school teacher talked about the ancient Babylonian civilization and the Sumerians, the history teacher said excitedly that "there are still beauties in the two river basins", and more than half of them smiled on the spot.

4 buy a pot helmet to eat together, a man comes forward: boss, two helmets!

Good teeth, good appetite and delicious food. . . )

There is a classmate named Huang Jiajian in my high school class.

One day, I didn't go to class. When the old class came into the classroom, I saw that his seat was empty.

Just asked: Hey, where's Huang Jiajian?

After the whole class laughed, they all called him Huang Gupo.

In the past, the teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine", and the whole class was shocked ~ ~ ~

I worked in a factory two years ago. One day, my master and I (actually older than me 1 year) went to the factory to handle affairs. The material engineer is a big sister named Dong, in her forties. After that, the host was very polite and wanted to say, "Sister Dong, you go." The result is: "I see."

8 ~ Another time, I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I summoned up my courage and said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " ~

~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ It's the first time in two years to hear the boss laugh so loudly ~ ~ ~ Depressed ~ ~ ~

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he came up with a sentence: Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?

10 One night, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning" ... 1 10 In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of The American Ring today!"

12 that day, I went to buy watermelons, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

13 A farmer was drying wheat in the yard, and some chickens came to peck the wheat. The farmer swept, and the chicken scratched, swept and scratched. I couldn't bear it, and cursed: "You bad thing, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."

14 One day, I went shopping and needed to pee urgently. I found an internet cafe in front of me, rushed into the door and shouted at the stationmaster: Where is the toilet in your toilet?

15 bought rice in the canteen, saw the long-awaited tofu skin, and excitedly told the waiter that I wanted a potato skin, which startled everyone around me.

16 due to business trip, I have to go to the bank of China somewhere to repair the equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to China Bank and find a hardware store to buy a knife." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car did you stop at the hotel after work?" ! ? The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one. "dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

17 the political teacher once said "let me give you an example" in a lecture, and then thought it was wrong and said "give me an example".

18 Remember Hanwu the Great?

Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions with new ironmaking materials.

A good sword was refined and Liu Che took it to Li Guang.

Li Guang kept repeating:

Your majesty, good sword (base), your majesty, good sword (base) ...

silent ...

19 is really a good donkey.

In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was.

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

2 1 When I went to McDonald's for the last time, he said to the clerk, I want a bag of potato chips, but they saidno. I said, what store doesn't even have potato chips? Then I turned and left. . .

There is a pant-shaped pencil box on the girl's desk behind me in the mid-term exam of 22. As soon as I turned around, my pencil case dropped. I said, "Well, you dropped your pants."

I remember that there are dogs in Lu Yu, and MM exclaimed in surprise: Ah, there are no dogs in that tail! !

I remember when I was a child, I went to buy round plastic bullets in toy guns and said directly to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call.

I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

26 carrying a lot of things and gg looking for a place to store bags at the train station.

A policeman came face to face, and gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely, "Excuse me, how can I get to the place where the bag is buried?"

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died ~ ~ ~"

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was connected with a MM, with a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?"

When I was in college, a classmate just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card and dialed 1860 to ask about it. I was excited at that time: I wanted to ask about your mobile phone business. . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.

In the eleventh year of junior 30, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him:

"You in the past, someone will kill you. . . "

3 1 Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "good-looking", but it turned out to be "cheap". Sweating to death!

The teacher told us: "go on road trip should be honest in spring and don't always throw his head and arms out." . . . "

My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "

One day, I went to the famous Da Qiao Road food store in Tianjin to buy food. I want to buy an old lady cake almost every time! As a result, I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked my assistant aunt, "Is this the cake of the little old woman?"

As a result, the audience is neither humble nor supercilious.

My cousin runs a kindergarten. Once she was in a hurry and asked me to help her take care of the children 1 hour, play games and tell stories. Facing a dozen children for the first time, I was so nervous that I was tongue-tied: "Children, today my aunt told you a story about Aladdin and the Magic Lamp ..."

36 outward concave

stretch into ....

Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me and fled 1 10 police.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

In high school, my brother and I were in the same class, and he sat behind me.

One night, our geography teacher asked us:

Which one of you is the elder sister? Who is the younger brother?

I stayed there.

I bought cold rice noodles once and went back to my dormitory. I went to another dormitory and came back to find my roommate eating my cold rice noodles.

When they saw me coming back, one of them said to me, why did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold!

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said in a hurry, "Boss, have a bottle of fart water", boss. ...........

4 1 Just now, a colleague read the newspaper and asked, "How many games did China win yesterday?"

China is one, but Singapore can't produce negative numbers.

In the past, there was a game called "a handful of dollars" on the red and white machine, which Europeans usually called "John in the wilderness"

Some commentators: Rush out of Asia, Rush out of the world!

Once, my husband and I quarreled, and he scolded me: "pig!" " I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig." . . "I really feel like a pig after scolding.

One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. Finally, it was her turn. As soon as she spoke, everyone laughed. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".

47 college students get together in the forest park. It's time for everyone to prepare dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wants to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they have been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "Beer should belong to Iraq."

We all fell. Two boys are crazy. . .

48 MM told me that KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" (mutton kebabs have brittle bones) asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh and blood", thank you! .............

Shame-_-!

I'm always busy at work. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and rushed to buy flowers. My wife is cooking at home and waiting for me. She called to ask me when I would go home. I lied to my wife that it would be a long time. When I heard her hang up unhappily, I said to myself, this is a surprise for you ... I bought flowers, rushed to buy chocolate and rushed to take a taxi. I couldn't get a taxi for a long time. I finally found a car to go home.

..... Merry Christmas! ! ! ! ! !

Alas, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again. . .

1. When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was frightened. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it.

-Foreign language bookstore-_ _!

I once went to buy mutton kebabs.

Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" " "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

I ate slowly, and one day I was hungry in a rice noodle shop.

Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds, and then burst into laughter under the table ... shame. ...

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "

I play basketball in high school. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now. ...

Full laughter

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

9 just went to college, military training, the company commander didn't know where the accent was, and shouted the password-"drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

10 when I was in college, I heard a girl order: master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

1 1 Cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" "

12. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

13. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

14. Just after class 10 minutes, the deskmate raised her hand and said, Teacher, I want to go to the toilet.

The English teacher said unhappily: How old are you to go to the toilet?

15 I have a classmate who has been reviewing computer level 3. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

16 listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

17, senior graduated from university, studying educational psychology. She was late ... and walked into the classroom. She glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry, so he asked the senior to answer the questions on the blackboard. She hesitated for a long time and said, "This is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous. (note. Professor's original title:

18 A very good male classmate of mine fell to the ground. I asked a question to show my concern: "Does your ass hurt?" As a result, I accidentally said, "Your ass fell to death." Sweat ~ ~ The brother stood up and patted his ass, farted and said, "He is still breathing!" " I just fainted.

19 had a drink with the leaders and others, raised his glass and shouted, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......

One of our colleagues was on a business trip, and the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

2 1 I'm in logistics. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays were so chaotic these days, I didn't know the contents of the order, so I asked: What are you?

A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?"

I almost found a hole to get into.

24 I once went to the market to buy food, and I was going to treat you to dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce and asked for 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, but he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

The manager usually says to smokers at meetings: smokers are strangled! !

I remember when KFC went out to spread its wings, because I didn't see the advertisement, I always thought that Liu Xiang was the endorsement of KFC. When I get to Ken, tell the waiter directly that I want Liu Xiang to spread her wings. . .

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~

Colleagues asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen?

29. Dormitory brothers watched Prison Break. A man took out a blade from his mouth to kill someone. The boss suddenly jumped out: "I'm k, I can still talk with my mouth hidden in the blade, and I'm convinced." . . "

One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said this:

"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "

=_=! ! !

After 3 1 impassioned speech by the chairman of the trade union, the last sentence reached a climax: comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

Our teacher is very good. One day, he said, "Take out your homework, let's check the answers, cross the correct ones, and then write the correct answers on them ..."

I called a friend I haven't contacted for a long time and learned that he was going through "paid suspension"

Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.