Funny sentences on campus

1. Students are boring in class, and the teacher is encouraging everyone to ask questions and speak actively. A female classmate raised her hand and said, "Teacher, can I say something?" The teacher is very happy: "You say." The female classmate stood up and looked around and said, "Who has this book for my boys and girls?"

2. As soon as school started, there were more homework, and Xiaoming complained endlessly, "Hey, every day is homework, homework, so tired!" Dad quickly comforted: "You have collected five days of homework, can't you exchange it for a weekend?"

3. The teacher talked to Xiaoming and asked, "How have you behaved recently? Do you seldom make trouble?" Xiao Ming said with a mature face: "I have read all the vicissitudes of the world and seen through the coldness of the world. I don't want to be the first bird!" Teacher: "Speak human words!"

"Recently, strong cold air crossed the border, and the temperature plummeted. It's windy outside and I'm afraid of catching a cold!"

4. Today, a classmate in the class was singing my skateboard shoes, and just sang: "Friction, friction, on this smooth ground." A schoolmaster behind said silently, "Where is the friction on the smooth ground?".

5. I'm a poor student, and I'm always despised by my teacher, so I silently changed the name of the recipient of Taobao to Xueba two days ago. I think when I answer the phone in the future, I'm a little excited, hahaha ..

6. A student always can't figure out the difference between white and transparent, so the teacher got angry and picked up a glass of water. The teacher asked me a question, and I couldn't figure out what I typed wrong. She asked, "which one can make a phone call, the electric light or the telephone?" I've been thinking for a long time that "it should be a light". The phone will never beat itself ...

8. When I made a mistake at school, the teacher asked me to call my parents. I said my parents were not here. Can you call my uncle? The teacher said yes. So the next day, I carried my three-year-old uncle on my back and set foot on the road of no return

9. There is a girl in my class with very small breasts, all 18-19 years old. It is rare to develop like this. One day a boy in our class specially amused the girl. Unexpectedly, the girl became angry. Immediately shouted: "It's none of your business? Can't I just follow my dad? "

1. A classmate walked into the dormitory and announced to everyone, "I will never buy cigarettes again. I want to quit smoking!" " Everyone expressed their support and lent him their cigarettes.

11. In chemistry class, the chemistry teacher said: People with double eyelids are beautiful, while people with single eyelids are smart. Look at me, one single and one double!

12. The reporter asked the pupils, "What would you do if you had money you could not spend?" The pupil replied, "I will buy my school." The reporter asked curiously, "Why buy your school?" The pupil calmly replied, "I want to give those teachers homework!" "

13. I remember when I was a child, I only got 8 points in an exam. In order not to be beaten, I secretly added a . When I got home, my mother looked at my test paper and asked me, "Did you change your score?" I confidently said no, and my mother scolded me while beating me: "Let you get a 8, let you get a 8."

14. The boys' dormitory suddenly lost power, and the students shouted: Call, call! Soon, the electricity did come. God stunned the boys and cheered together: come to women, come to women! The aunt who manages the dormitory came and shouted: Shut up.

15. Teacher: "Please use" You "and" You "to make sentences. The shorter the requirements, the better!" Xiao Ming: "Double!" Teacher: "that's very reasonable. I can't find a reason to let you get out!" "

16. In high school, the teacher transferred boys to one table and girls to another table to prevent puppy love. In fact, he didn't realize the more serious problem!

17. When the teacher writes a couplet, ginger is still old and spicy. Xiao Ming returned: the chest is still bigger than that of a woman. The whole class laughed.

18. All our class went to the zoo, and a buddy saw the parrot and said, I really envy it. The teacher said that the parrot family can be polygamous. That buddy said, this is what I envy.

19. I was often beaten in junior high school, and the most unjust one was like this. Gangster: How dare you fucking hit my shirt! Don't want to live, do you? Me: Big Brother, we both wear school uniforms. Fuck me!

2. I remember that in the third year of high school, several buddies were taking a bath in the bathhouse, and suddenly the hot water was stopped and the power was cut off. Some people were bored and started a water fight. Suddenly I wanted to pee, so I sprayed it out in the dark. The buddy next to me shouted, Wow, hot water is coming! It was several weeks before I got out of bed!

Tell me about the funny campus

1. I'm low-key, and I want the whole world to know that I'm low-key!

2. Don't smile at me with your pirated Mona Lisa smile. My stomach is not as strong as you think.

3. I can't watch you happy. I will close my eyes.

4. It is said that boys are the most handsome when playing basketball. In fact, the back of men cooking is the most handsome.

5. It's the Dragon Boat Festival on the day of the senior high school entrance examination. It's up to you whether to eat zongzi or jump into the river.

6. I have a heart to lose weight, but I have a life to eat food.

7. No matter how hard my aunt turns, she can't get out of my uncle's arms.

8. I'll tell you again and feed my youth to the dog.

9. Is it because I am so radiant that I make you talk nonsense?

1. One day someone asked me how I was born, and I did not hesitate to tell that person that you have seen Journey to the West.

11. If you have a pear, put it in the refrigerator and it will turn into a frozen pear.

12. You are beautiful, but among us handsome guys, it's not your turn.

13. I won't tell you that I ate cut cakes. I'm going to be rich and handsome.

14. Hello, the woman you called will call you back when she will cry.

15. No matter how hard my aunt turns, she can't get out of my uncle's arms.

16. I'll tell you again that all my youth will be fed to dogs.

17. Is it because I am so radiant that I make you talk nonsense?

18. One day, someone asked me how I was born. I didn't hesitate to say to that person,

19. You are beautiful, but it's not your turn among us handsome guys.

2. Shave your head and be a dishonest monk.

21. I won't tell you that I ate the cut cake. I'm going to be rich and handsome.

22. Hello, the woman you called will call you back when she will cry.

23, moonlight, heart panic. It's a good time to steal chickens and dogs. Eh ...

24. I will quietly watch your happiness from a distance and curse that you will not be together.

25. I will try my best to realize my dream to make up for the cow I blew when I was a child.

26. No matter how big Samsung is, no matter how good Apple is, it is not as strong as Nokia-the walnut-smashing artifact that will make us die.

27. I am not crazy, but I have never been normal.

28, 2xx, those who love me don't give up, and those who hate me continue to work hard ...

29, don't keep a low profile, that's the tone I'm taking.

3. Whether you are a grandfather or not, please find the right grandson.

31. As the days go by, there are more mistresses.

32. Whether the next stop is hell or not depends on whether there is a mistress.

33. You are my super happy insole. Let me step on you.

34. You are covered in hair, so don't call others monsters.

35. I always strive for a single sister; I never give up on married women.

36. Life is wonderful, but there are few handsome guys.

37. The person I love is taken, and the person who loves me is terrible.

38. Goose, goose, goose, cut the curve with a knife, pluck the hair, add water, ignite and cover the pot!

39. The first step in the world is diapers.

4. Even gold always glows, and you glass slag can only reflect light!

41. Self-abasement was left to yesterday. The female university changed eighteen times. Look at my seventy-two changes!

42, the most painful thing is to see big thick legs wearing miniskirts.

43. I prayed to God to make me rich, but God kept making me fat.

44. You came into my room quietly, got into my bed, and beat you to death on me ...

45. You cried when you were born, and all of you laughed when you left, and all of you cried

46. The sweat and tears you shed today are the water that entered your mind when you chose your major

47.

48. I turned on the TV to watch the advertisement. Why did you interrupt the TV series for me?

49. Holding you in my hands and closing my palms, I can't hold you back!

5. It's the end of the world. There's one thing I've been keeping from you. Actually, I'm Altman. Campus funny jokes

1. There is a man and a woman sitting at the same table, and the man says to others, "My deskmate is a pig!" His deskmate listened, kicked him and said, "Your deskmate is the pig!" "

2. Several male students came back to the classroom after playing football, all sweaty. A: "If I take off my shoes now, the whole class will have to escape from the classroom, haha." After listening, B said calmly, "After I took off my shoes, they didn't even have a chance to escape!" "

3. Teacher: Xiao Ming, remind your deskmate Lily to sleep in class in the future. Xiao Ming: Oh, I see. The next day, just after class, Xiao Ming said to Lili: Lili, it's time for you to go to bed! The teacher was afraid that you would forget to let me remind you.

4. In other words, many people say that children are paper now, and a female classmate often sells cute like this. One day, the woman caught a cold and ran out of paper in the library, so she sent a text message to her roommate, saying, bring two packs of paper when you come over. After a while, my roommate came over with two steamed buns in his hand.

5. Teacher: Tell me the meaning of the word "unparalleled in the world". Student:' the whole world' means being born, and' unparalleled' means having no parents. Unique, is born without parents bai!

6. I am a kindergarten teacher. During a class, Xiong Haizi and I got into a fight. When I asked them why they were fighting, Xiong Haizi curled his lips and said, Teacher, when I said your face was like a horse's face, he insisted that it was like a donkey's face. As a teacher, if I have special functions at the moment, I have to throw them into outer space and show them what will happen if I offend them.

7. The teacher talked about inertia in physics class. He asked: "A dog crosses the road, a high-speed vehicle braked suddenly, and everyone in the car leans forward. What is this phenomenon?" A classmate replied: "That's because people want to see if the dog has been killed, which belongs to the phenomenon of watching the fun."

8. Teacher: Can you name an animal? Student: An ant. Teacher: Can you tell me another one? Student: Another ant.

9. One day, Xiao Ming arrived at school very late. The teacher asked, Why did you come so late? Xiao Ming proudly replied, Stop it. Today, my car broke down and I came on foot. After listening to this, the teacher straightened his voice and said, I thought you said your family was poor, so you can still drive. Xiao Ming lowered his head and returned: Teacher, my car is a second-hand bike.

1. In high school, at noon, everyone rushed to the canteen. The PE teacher squatted at the entrance of the canteen to select sprinters.

11. Xiao Ming slept many times in class, and was persuaded to go home by the teacher. Xiaoming: The teacher stopped me from going to school and told me to drop out. Ming Dad: Why Xiaoming: Sleeping in class Ming Dad: What's wrong with sleeping in class? Who hasn't slept in class? Dad also slept in school! Xiaoming: Dad, do you like sleeping naked, too?

12. I was not allowed to have a girlfriend at that time in high school, but I did. The class teacher found out and called my mother: "Your son has puppy love! You should educate! " My mother: "Don't be ridiculous, teacher, that child is so ugly, who will pay him?"

13. At the opening ceremony, the new headmaster gave a speech to encourage the students: "Our school is a teachers' college, so don't treat it as a place where you can eat and sleep."

14. During class, I suddenly saw a classmate coming in from the classroom door with a schoolbag on his back. The teacher was still writing on the blackboard when he suddenly turned his head and said, "Don't try to skip class under my nose. Go back to your seat." The classmate sighed and went back to his seat, when the whole class laughed.

15. Get up early and go to the bathroom to wash. A man on the right unscrewed the toothpaste lid and squeezed the toothpaste directly onto the front teeth! ! Then I began to brush my teeth, and the overall action was clean and there was no sense of violation. . . In an instant, I was shaken by the habit of more than 2 years. . .

16. "When the teacher checked his bed, he saw that our classmates were still talking in full swing. The teacher shone a flashlight on him and it caught his eye. He then scolded the teacher. The teacher said," How can you talk like this classmate? Would you like to try cursing again? " Guess what, our classmate scolded again and then said, "I've never seen such a rude request." "

17. In the first aid class, the teacher asked," Someone is injured. What should I do first? " There was silence below. Suddenly, Xiaobai stood up and said, "I know. Ask him if he wants an organ donation?"

18. Math teacher: A banana, three children want to grab it. As a result, it was robbed and shared by two children. Do you know what you get if you have one child left? Student: Yes … The teacher is surprised: What? Student: Banana peel.

19. In a Chinese class, the teacher asked the students, "Do the students know what a priest does?" A classmate who just woke up shouted a sentence that shocked the whole class in order to reflect his wisdom: "Shepherd."

2. At the graduation ceremony, the headmaster announced that the student who was the first in the whole grade took the stage to receive the prize, but after several consecutive calls, the student slowly took the stage. Later, the teacher asked the student, What's the matter? Are you sick? Or didn't you hear clearly just now? Student: No, I'm afraid other students didn't hear you clearly.

21. The new semester has started, and the students have returned to school one after another. Liu Xiong, who sleeps in the top bunk of the dormitory, is called lazy to death. He blames Bi Xiaowei, who sleeps in the bottom bunk, and is the only roommate who stayed at school and didn't come home during the holidays. Who did you bring in for the holiday? How dare you borrow my uncle's sleeper? Who slept in your bed! Bi Xiaowei denied it in every way. You still want to deny it! You don't want to think, I have been at school for several years, when have you ever seen me fold a quilt? When I came back this time, I found my bed neatly stacked. Who else would it be if it wasn't you?

22. In high school, a batch of computers were lost in the school's electric classroom, and the school called the police. As a result, every night, the police patrol around the school with police dogs, and an idiot roommate in the dormitory climbed over the wall and went out all night. That's right! You guessed it! Found by the police and thought it was a thief.