You inadvertently said a word, but let the child bear it for a lifetime.

A few days ago, I complained to my mother on WeChat because my attempt to knit a sweater ended in failure: "Mom, why can't I knit a sweater!" She answered me, "Silly."

I know my mother may have just played a joke, but when I saw these two words at that moment, I was furious. You might say I'm melodramatic, and I'm angry with my mother for this shit?

The needle didn't stick itself, so it's really hard for you to feel the pain.

0 1

Since school, I have been labeled as an idiot by my mother. This label has been with me for nearly 30 years. Although I have a sense of resistance now, in some cases, I will involuntarily acquiesce to this label.

When I was in primary school, every time I didn't do well in the math exam, the teacher would talk to my mother in the office. My mother always said in a tone of hating iron and not turning it into steel: "My girl has a bad brain and is particularly stupid."

This sentence is like giving me a life sentence, so that I can never turn over.

When I was a student, every time I failed the exam, my mother always accompanied the teacher and repeated the old saying: "This child is stupid and can't learn well."

Occasionally my mother doesn't say this in front of the teacher, but I'm scared. I was relieved to finally hear this sentence.

My "stupidity" in life was vividly interpreted by my mother:

My mother said, "Why are you so stupid?"

Eating slowly, my mother said, "Are you more stupid than others?"

After receiving the certificate of "three good students", my mother said, "Yo, you are so stupid that you can still get the certificate!" "

When my father is angry, he often says, "I have never seen you so stupid!" " What the hell can you do? ! "

Yes, I'm too stupid to know anything.

After failing in the college entrance examination, my mother advised me to repeat it. I cried and begged her, "Leave me alone. I'm really stupid. I am not suitable for studying. "

I naturally gave up the last few questions in the math test paper and didn't even look at them.

Of course, I refuse to play board games with my friends. In my opinion, this is a game that wastes brains.

I dare not even accept a high-paying invitation, because there is always a voice in my heart reminding me: "You are too stupid, you will never succeed."

02

In the city far away from my parents, I came into contact with sewing, and my skills are improving day by day. More and more people began to praise my ingenuity and cleverness (although I still don't want to believe this praise). I suddenly realized that whether I am stupid or not has nothing to do with IQ, but with my expected value.

I had a fake Barbie doll when I was a child. My daily pleasure is to hide in the house and sew clothes for dolls. A simple piece of cloth is folded in half and stitched, and the doll's skirt is finished. I can't express the joy that a stitch brings me, but I have to hide this joy, because my father especially hates me for doing such a "mother-in-law" thing, and he will be scolded every time I am found out.

When I was twenty-four years old, I came across a handmade material package on the Internet, so I couldn't help but buy it and study it. After making the finished product, I sent a circle of friends, which attracted the praise and praise of my friends. I joined the handicraft group and started sewing formally.

It's not always easy to sew. I often feel depressed at first. Whenever I encounter difficulties, the seniors in the group will encourage me to stick to it. I'm crazy about handicrafts. You can sit in front of the sewing machine for a day on weekends. I usually don't want to sleep at night because I haven't finished my work. After work, I also devote myself to studying various tutorials on the Internet.

Gradually, some people are willing to pay for my work, others want to learn from me. I have full confidence in the sewing world. I love the confidence and sense of accomplishment brought by handwork. Although I sometimes tear down an imperfect work in a rage, I know in my heart: I can, I really can.

In a free world, I have unlimited possibilities.

03

We often hear parents label their children like this in our lives:

"Coward!"

"Female man!"

"Naughty bag!"

Children are the cleverest elves in the world. They observe their parents' facial expressions, feel their parents' tone and absorb their understanding of themselves.

There is a word in psychology called "pygmalion effect", which is also called "expectation effect". Explain that people will unconsciously accept the influence and hints of people they like, worship, trust and worship.

Parents are the children's first favorite, most admired, most trusted and most admired people, and labeling is an invisible hint. Parents label their children, which is equivalent to shaping their roles. They perform according to the role you set, and the child will really develop in that direction, even if it is not like that.

04

Regarding the labeling of children, Dr. Wei, a famous brain science parenting expert, gave this advice:

Don't label children with rigid labels easily, and try to look at children with a developmental perspective.

What is the vision of development? That is, when we describe children, we should stop using "he is very". . . On this issue, we should first change our cognition, instead of saying "children are naughty", we can say "children are prone to cry in difficult situations". After describing the problem in this way, we can also be rational and analyze the source of the next problem.

I thank my parents for giving birth to me and raising me, and I choose to forget the pain they brought me. Now that I am a mother, I am treading on thin ice on the road of raising my baby, in order to avoid making him become the old me, and also to make him have a better personality and a more perfect life.