A cold joke suitable for hot weather.

It's so hot, watch some cold jokes to cool yourself down! The following is what I carefully collected for you. Welcome to reading.

1, I came home late on weekends, and my wife questioned me as soon as I came in. Why didn't you come home until 7 o'clock?

I said:? I attended a press conference in the afternoon. ? My wife rummaged through my bag and said, what cloth is this? I'm trying to make a pair of pants. ?

I cooked a good dish and asked my husband:? How does it taste? Like a first-class restaurant?

Husband ate and answered:? If I don't have to wash the dishes after dinner, it will be more like a first-class restaurant ?

After the funeral, the girlfriend comforted the woman who had just lost her spouse. Don't think of the bad side, think of the good side. ?

The new widow thought for a moment and said, this is the first time in 20 years that I know where he spent the night. ?

The supermarket guide sold me a kind of chocolate. I asked how much is a box of 400 grams? ? 80。 ? The shopping guide girl answered.

? God, it's too expensive. ? I blurted out and waved quickly.

Before I went far, I heard her say to a colleague on the side: You see, when you hear the high price, your life will change. ?

Kobayashi of the company is a typical hen-pecked wife, obedient to his wife. One day, he suddenly announced that he told his wife yesterday? Don't! ? .

Everyone was surprised and asked him what was going on.

He said: Yesterday my wife asked me to accompany her to the street, and I said:? No problem! ?

6. In order to get my husband to agree to buy a new coat, I deliberately tore off two buttons of the old coat and said to my husband. Two buttons on this coat are missing. How ugly!

Before I finished, my husband said, well, I'll buy it for you tomorrow and buy the best. ?

I said:? The best must cost thousands, just buy a few hundred dollars. ?

The husband said in surprise: What, two buttons cost hundreds of dollars? No ?

7. wife:? That day, when the big black bear appeared, you left me and ran away! But you told me you were not afraid to face death for me! ?

Husband:? Yes, I said so, but the bear is still alive. ?

8. My classmates in the dormitory said to me:? If I can marry XXX, I must be a super model husband. ?

I asked:? What is a super model husband?

Answer:? If I earn two dollars, I will give him a dollar and a half, and then I will use the fifty cents to buy something for her. Let her eat every meal first, and save the rest for next time. I will drink river water, rain and snow water and eat some grass bark to deal with it. ?

? Yes, it was once a primitive addiction. ?

? But we sometimes improve our lives. ?

? On her birthday?

? No, when I caught the mouse. ?

9. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. Now all my children are healthy!

10. A woman was caught in the index finger of her right hand while riding the bus. She wants to sue and claim 1 10,000 from the car company. The lawyer said to her: I'm afraid a finger can't claim that much. ?

The woman growled: My fingers are used to command my husband. ?

1 1. There is a beautiful young female guest at home.

Mother said to her son:? Come on, cutie, kiss your aunt. ?

The son said:? I don't know. Dad kissed her in the corridor and got a slap. ?

12. My husband is on a business trip. In the evening, my wife was lying in bed when she suddenly heard a voice: Dear, we finally have a chance to be together. It's so rare. We haven't been together for a long time. Right?

The wife was surprised and listened carefully. So it was her left leg talking to her right leg?

13. After the call, the man said softly. You hang up first? The girl said with a smile in her eyes. No, you hang up first ...? As soon as the voice fell, the man put down the phone. .

14, I really can't stand my friends. Every time I pay the bill after dinner with him, he doesn't say that he doesn't have his wallet and change. Every time we eat the king's meal, we are beaten by the store.

15, uncovering the yogurt will lick the milk on the lid; After drinking milk tea, pearls will be sucked up one by one; Suck your fingertips after eating potato chips. . .

Such a girl is lovely, naive, simple, frugal, cherishing her life and being responsible for herself. She is a very good girl, although she can't find a boyfriend because she is greedy.

16, if one day you suddenly think of me, please pick up your mobile phone and dial my number, even if I am busy again, just say? Can I invite you to dinner? Will I appear in front of you rain or shine? This is my lifelong commitment to my friends! ! !

17. Going home at night, a young man and a woman were quarrelling on the bridge. When I got closer, I realized that it was the woman who wanted to throw herself into the river. I looked and there was no fourth person beside me. This man is so sincere. . .

My brother silently pulled the hat on his clothes and covered it. He went to the river to pee. Then, the woman stopped jumping and slapped the man and ran away?

18, I have a girlfriend who doesn't like drinking. Recently, she broke up with her boyfriend ... once I went to her house, she packed all the drinks she bought for her boyfriend and asked me to take them away. I asked casually: you won't leave it for your boyfriend, will you?

She said:? Give it to the dog if you don't give it a drink? . . .

When I got home, I drank a glass of wine happily and remembered her words. How can I feel embarrassed?

19, Xiao Wang and her boyfriend went to a friend's house to play. When her boyfriend drank too much, Xiao Wang brought her boyfriend to his house.

Suddenly my boyfriend said:? I'm a little. . . I want to throw up. I'll go. . . Bathroom. ?

Xiao Wang said: No, you have to go through my parents' room to go to the toilet. I don't want them to know that you are still here so late. You can use the kitchen sink. ?

The boyfriend said anxiously. ? that . . All right. ?

The boyfriend stumbled into the kitchen. After a while, Xiao Wang heard her boyfriend shout, Baby, you. . . Get some toilet paper. . . Come here! ?

20. One day, an alcoholic was taken into the police station.

? Why did you come again? Asked the policeman.

? Two policemen sent me, sir. ?

? Drink more wine?

? Yes, but this time it's not me, it's them. ?

2 1, an old farmer went to town on business. I drank too much wine at noon and felt warm all over.

Stroll home after dinner In the early spring sunshine, he felt that the fur coat of the big sheep could not be worn, so he took it off and put it on his shoulder.

Soon the big fur coat slipped from the shoulder and tripped at the foot.

I don't know what it is, but he looked down and was overjoyed: whose big fur coat was lost on the road, and I just found it.

Then he picked up a big fur coat and put it on his shoulder, and continued to walk home. Soon, the big fur coat slipped from the shoulder and tripped at the foot.

He looked down and said, another big leather coat. I'll pick it up, too He picked up the big fur coat, put it on his shoulder and walked home.

The big fur coat slipped down from the shoulder again and tripped at the foot. He wondered: Who lost such a big fur coat? Then you have to pick it up.

Then he picked up a big fur coat, put it on his shoulder and walked on. The big fur coat fell off many times along the way.

When the old farmer came home, his wife asked. Where is your big fur coat?

He said happily: Don't ask, you forget that I picked up a lot of big fur coats on my way back, and I don't know who lost them. I thought they were too heavy, so I didn't pick up the last one. ?

22. A guy was drunk and wandering in the street. When he saw a policeman, he went up to him and asked, Mr. policeman, can you walk along this street to my house?

The policeman asked: Where is your home?

The drunk got angry and said, if I knew where my home is, I wouldn't have to ask you. ?

23. A drunk stopped a passerby and asked what time it was. He was told that it was 1 1 in the afternoon.

The drunk staggered and said, strange, why do I ask everyone at different times?

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