Any jokes? Very funny, not cheap. ..

A student has poor grades and often fights. After graduation, parents found a teacher and asked to write a good comment for the students. This will embarrass the teacher. Good writing is unfair to other students, and parents don't agree with bad writing. What should I do? So the teacher wrote the following comments:

The student's grades are very stable (he has been in the bottom three) and his hands-on ability is extremely strong (he often works hard).

One day, third brother went to see the young lady. Two people say that finish, miss fell asleep, third brother ran away without giving money. When the young lady woke up, she was very angry and became very angry. A few days later, she went to the court to ask her third brother for money, and the leaders were all there. So she pretended to have something to find third brother, and third brother naturally knew. She pretended to be at the door of the conference room and asked her what she wanted.

Miss: "third brother, haven't you paid the rent the day before yesterday?"

Third brother: "Why don't you get paid? There are three reasons. First, the house is too old; second, it is too big; third, there is no running water in it. Do you think I can pay you? ! ! ! ! "

Miss: "So that's it! The house is too old because you didn't look ahead. The house is too big because the furniture you brought is too small. There is no running water because you can't find the faucet. Can I have running water? ! ! "

This is Tian Zi's first ........................................................................................................................................................................?

My mother said my IQ was only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason. ?

I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class replied, picking up a leaf from the ground and throwing it into the air. "Pick up something and throw it into the air and watch it float there." "Well, that's good." The teacher praised, "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air ...?

"Teacher, it's blowing up and down now!" ?

I can't remember clearly what the teacher looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled a few times and then died. Later, according to the hospital doctor, he died because of sudden strong stimulation, which led to retrograde qi and blood. So, I killed a people's teacher?

The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals. ?

Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? " I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died! ?

After coming home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My precious son said, I didn't fill in a question. Mom, what's the purpose of the question? The baby son said, there is a question: what is 3 times 7? I don't care. I filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great! ?

My father asked me how school was. The father asked, "Dear son, is your female teacher satisfied with you?" ?

"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied." ?

"How do you know? Did she tell you herself? " ?

"Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "? My father's brain. Now! @#$#@! $%$#@@?

One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to go home and ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until the baby. I asked my brother, and he said on the phone, I will wait for you outside. ?

The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said: get out of here, the teacher slapped me, I shouted cool, the teacher called me useless, and I called me mean. The teacher said, get out. I said, I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had high blood pressure again on the spot and fainted ...?

When primary school has Chinese class, all Chinese teachers in the school go to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?" I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and then I was inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked anxiously, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground". Teacher Ni was "by me" and was hospitalized with epilepsy! ?

Later, the new teacher at school asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly, and the teachers immediately looked at me with new eyes?

The sentence I wrote is:?

Sad-the ditch in front of our house is very sad. ?

If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice. ?

Naive-it's really hot today, and it's a good day for swimming. ?

Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam. ?

Relax, I always start with simple things. ?

Ginseng-the teacher said that we should take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow, so we must do our best. ?

Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen. ?

Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning. ?

The teacher touched my head and said sternly, "Go home from school and strive for 10. When I got home, I was ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher when there was no one there. I went to the toilet and began to paint the walls with feces. I painted the bathroom with ten strips, and I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. " My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher misunderstood the child. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Alas ..... I said to myself in my heart, "I am very creative. Ugliness is not my intention. Don't lose your temper I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "？

One morning in class, while chewing gum, I put my feet on the aisle. ?

Then the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in"?

My brain: "@ $ # $% #"?

In the days that followed, several teachers suffered misfortune one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city for a time. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this. ?

When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? ? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if people only do bad things in the world, they will become ghosts after death! ? It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit! ?

I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?" ?

Little Wang Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." ? Later, history failed. ?

One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I want to pay for a trouser head!" " " ? Our brains are going to! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the boys' dormitory and from the girls' dormitory to the downstairs. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, my waistband, you took off my waistband! ! ! ! ! ?

The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird wrapped in cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "Biology teacher immediately fell ~ ~ ~ ~?

My fame has caused me a lot of trouble. For the safety of teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live very comfortably without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market. ?

One day, I was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late today?" I said, "I took my uncle's sow next door to breed in the morning, so I came late." Before the teacher finished listening, he opened his eyes wide and said, "This should be made by the uncle next door." I was puzzled and said, "This must be a wild boar. The uncle next door is not an animal." ?

It was a quiz, and our class was tied with another class after the final. So the host announced the way to decide the final outcome: each class draws lots to send one representative, two representatives guess coins, and ask a question that is wrong. If the wrong guess answers correctly, the wrong guess wins. On the other hand, the right class won. Spirit of heaven, spirit of the earth, my job is to hide. As a representative, I was drawn, successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent-Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several human cases. It is said that the last principal was destroyed in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who has criticized. The problem begins. ?

Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg whites and yellow yolk. ?

"If I get it right, will you give me a meal?" I have long forgotten what quizzes and class honors are. I'm only interested in eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I'll give you two eggs." "hey!" There is an uproar again. I saw the other classmate's face startled, and the classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five dollars?" ?

The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the low tide generally disappeared without a trace. Another classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world change quickly. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what is going on. The meeting was suddenly in chaos. I saw a man lying on his back, spraying blood in his mouth, and then slowly fell down. ?

"Miss Li!" ? "Miss Li!" ?

It's our head teacher! I rushed there, too. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed and unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!" ?

"It's him!" ? "It's him!" ?

Hey! ? Hey! ? Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! ! ?

Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows. ?

My eyes went blank, and a voice came back to my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Idle people will all retreat! " ?

Later, it was said that Mr. Li did not die, but was seriously ill. After he was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, cut his hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again. ?

1.？ The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. ? The child said while eating: this fish is delicious, it would be better if it didn't put thorns! ?

2.？ Three women died in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel St. Peter said, "In heaven, we have only one rule here-never step on a duck." After confirming that the three girls understand, enter heaven. There are ducks everywhere in heaven, and there are so many ducks that you can hardly step on them. Although they tried to avoid it, the first woman accidentally stepped on one. ?

At this time, the angel St. Peter immediately came to her with an ugly man that a woman had never seen before and told her that the punishment for stepping on a duck was to be tied to the ugly man forever. ?

The next day, another woman accidentally stepped on a duck. Then St. Peter came to her with another extremely disgusting man, just like the woman before. St Peter associated the second woman with the ugly man he brought. ?

The third one has found this cruel result. She doesn't want to be tied to an ugly and disgusting man forever. So she is very, very careful about her steps. She lived for months without stepping on any ducks. ?

But one day, St. Peter came to her with a super handsome guy he had never seen before. This man is not only tall and strong, but also has beautiful long eyelashes. St Peter locked them together and left without saying anything to the woman. ?

The woman asked the man tied to her, "I want to know why I can be tied to you forever?" I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck. ?

3。 A frog called the priest and asked about his fate. ?

The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you." ?

The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? " ?

The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year." ?

4。 Someone's new phone has just been rented out by the cinema, and people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained politely that this mobile phone is no longer owned by the cinema, but it is his now. Please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva. ?

One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" ?

After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a China film or a foreign film?" ?

5。 The residents on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first came, he was very vigilant and barked at the slightest movement. My home is on the sixth floor. Although I climb up and down every day, I still have to be called ten times. I am timid. As soon as the dog barked, I ran as fast as I could for fear that it would suddenly rush out. ?

Pick up my little nephew who is attending an English training class on Sunday and go home for dinner. Just entering the first floor, the big dog barked as usual, which gave me the willies. The little nephew was not afraid at all, but shouted, "spit." Strangely, after a few spits, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a poor "hum" sound. ?

When I got home, I asked my nephew how to curb such a fierce dog. The little nephew proudly said, "When the dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you answer twice. At this time, the dog stopped barking because he was ashamed that he could not repay the three of you. " ?

6。 When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt, but I didn't expect several female students to come in. I had no choice but to come to the dormitory next door with my pants. ?

I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door. ?

Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? " ?

I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror ...?

7。 One day, two men and women in love were on the road. The boy is with a girl. The girl is very beautiful, wearing a very elegant white dress. Boys' eyes are not very good-myopia. ?

The boy was riding a bicycle with the girl on the road, and they were together sweetly. ?

At this time, passing a crossroads, no one noticed the existence of the police, and the boy rode to the police. The policeman looked at it and shouted, "You! Come down, come down. " ?

The boy jumped out of the car at once, and the girl was calm. Seeing this situation, her mind turned to her heart. He said to the policeman, "Have you seen me? ! ! "？

The policeman was stunned. ?

The girl winked at her boyfriend when the police were not looking, and the boy understood at once. ?

The policeman asked the boy again, "Is she your girlfriend?" ?

The boy said, "Who are you talking about?" ?

The girl said, "Have you seen me?" ?

The policeman was horrified and said to the boy, "Let's go, hurry up!" " ?

8。 The bus driver drove a bus full of buses to get on the bridge, so he kept stepping on the accelerator to accelerate. When he found an old woman crossing the road in front, it was too late to brake! ?

I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, with a pile of intestines flowing out around her and beginning to ooze blood ...?

Some people started screaming, some people were speechless, and the driver looked pale and dared not get down in his seat. When the driver in the car started pointing at the driver, something strange happened ...?

Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag and began to pick up intestines, muttering, "How do you eat the intestines you just bought?" ?

9。 My brother doesn't like his mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy lunch, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "？

The younger brother talked back and said, "I just like eating, so what!" " " ?

"Oh ~ mom told you, instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father's company. In order to save money and send it home, she eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! " ?

-Brother (frightened to disgrace): "Really?" ?

How can mom lie to you? "?

Really? Then how did she die? "?

Um ... I had an accident while buying instant noodles ...?

10. There is a female student who works very hard. One night, she finished reading a book after one o'clock It is said that the night view of Lake Xiang Si is beautiful, so I want to go there for a walk. ?

When she reached the lake, she suddenly felt someone patting her on the shoulder. She turned around and saw a pale woman. The woman said, "junior, I have no feet." Primary school girls don't think look at that strange woman's feet, really not! ?

The primary school girl started to run, but the female ghost followed her all the way, whispering in her ear, "I have no feet, I have no feet …"?

The primary school girl felt very annoyed and happened to be near the dormitory, so she turned to the female ghost and shouted, "What if I have no feet?" I don't have breasts yet! " ?

By the way, this year is the Year of the Ox, so you can brag about it. We will give preferential policies, and bragging in the Year of the Ox will be tax-free.