Give me more jokes

1. During summer vacation, there was a traffic jam on the way.

A boy took out a small bench and sat on the roadside to look at the mountain scenery.

A girl held a big pomegranate, leaned over and said to him: "Can I trade the pomegranate for your bench?"

The boy changed it, and when he was about to peel the pomegranate, the girl He turned around and said, "I'm going to trade the bench for pomegranates later."

2. Mr. Han looked up the dictionary when he had time to give his soon-to-be-born baby a good name, and his colleagues all talked about it. They gave him advice, but Mr. Han was not satisfied.

A few days later, colleagues asked Mr. Han with concern: "Have you thought of the baby's name?"

Mr. Han: "I have thought of it. The name is: Han Jinliang, little one." Name: 999"

3. A: How is the treatment there?

B: We all have an annual salary system.

A: Then you are treated well.

B: You don’t know something. Every time we ask for wages, the boss says that when the funds arrive, we will pay them together with the annual salary.

4. Two police officers went hunting, but one of them was hunting for the first time, so he seemed a little excited.

The hunt began, and the police officer found a dense forest very close to the deer and waited for the deer to approach. . .

The deer slowly came towards him, and his palms began to sweat. He closed his eyes and jumped out of the woods, fired a shot into the sky, and shouted: "Everyone is here." Don’t move, I’m the police!”

A man knocked unconscious an unknown old man while riding a motorcycle in the city!

The man was so frightened that he didn’t know what to do! There are more and more onlookers!

Suddenly, the man hugged the old man and shouted in tears: "Dad, wait for me, I will find a doctor for you right now!"

After saying that, he ran away dropped. . .

The old man struggled and shouted angrily: "Come back here!"

Everyone sighed: "This son is really filial!"

Company manager Let people hang a slogan on the wall saying "If you want to do it, do it immediately", hoping to motivate employees!

After some time, a friend of the boss asked him how effective this move was.

The boss said angrily: "The cashier took 100,000 yuan and ran away, the office director eloped with my female secretary, and dozens of employees asked for a salary increase!"

A The child stood next to the blacksmith shop and watched the blacksmith forge iron! The blacksmith hated her, so he took out the red-hot iron and put it in front of the child to scare him!

The child blinked and said, "If you give me a dollar, I dare to lick it!"

After hearing this, the blacksmith immediately took out a dollar and gave it to the little girl!

The child took the money, licked it with his tongue, put it in his pocket and left...

An old couple who were born on the same day in the same year celebrated their 60th birthday!

During the banquet, God came and said that he could grant the couple their two wishes!

The old woman said: "My dream is to travel around the world."

God waved the magic wand in his hand, wow! A stack of plane tickets was conjured up.

The old man said: "I want to live with a woman 30 years younger than me."

God waved the magic wand in his hand, wow! Turned the old man into 90 years old!

Xiaoqiang gave a speech at the rally, and the people below were all ears!

Xiaoqiang said: "There are two kinds of people I hate the most! One is racial discrimination, the other is black, and the third is illiterate!"

The people below suddenly started sweating. . .

On a very cold winter day, two beggars, one old and one young, went to beg in the morning. They walked to the door of a restaurant and waited for the boss to throw away their leftovers.

The hard work paid off. After a while, the boss came out with a bucket of leftover rice. The little beggar hurriedly went up to eat, but the old beggar stood beside him without moving.

Because the weather was very cold and the rice was cold, the little beggar felt sick to his stomach after eating a few mouthfuls, so he vomited it out!

At this time, the old beggar rushed up and said with great emotion: "I'm just waiting for your hot mouth."

There was a couple, and the husband was very stingy!

When he woke up one morning, his husband found his wife dead in the bed.

He jumped up quickly, ran down the stairs with a pale face and stumbled, shouting: "Maid! Maid!"

The maid replied: "Sir! What's the matter?"

My husband shouted: "One hard-boiled egg for breakfast is enough!"

The introverted Xiao Zhang saw a beautiful woman in the bar.

After hesitating for a long time, he finally plucked up the courage, approached her, and asked in a low voice: "Can I talk to you?"

Suddenly the woman shouted loudly. : "No, I won't sleep with you!"

Everyone in the bar stared at the two of them. Xiao Zhang was very embarrassed, blushing without saying a word, and returned his own in grievance. seat.

After a while, the woman walked up to Xiao Zhang and whispered: "I'm sorry, I'm a student in the psychology department. I just wanted to test how people react in embarrassing situations."

This is, Xiao Zhang shouted loudly: "You want two hundred yuan? It's too expensive!"

A group of fireflies were flying in the sky, and one of them didn't light up!

The other one asked him curiously: "Brother, why don't you glow?"

The non-luminous firefly replied: "Hey, bro, I forgot to pay the electricity bill last month. ”

Two beauties were talking in the elevator about which cosmetics have the best whitening effect.

At the same time, there was a black man listening silently next to him.

Suddenly the black man said to the two beauties: "It's useless! I've tried it, but it doesn't work!

1. Some people say: Smart women can inspire men, A beautiful woman can confuse men, a talented woman can attract men, a woman with status can play with men, and a woman with everything can make a group of men miserable!

2. There is a man and woman crossing the bridge. , a tiger glared at her on the bridge. After thinking for a moment, the woman took off her clothes and passed by. The man also took off his clothes and passed by, but the man was confused. The tiger said: Do you think you have a stick?

3. The teacher asked the students to use "wrinkles" to make sentences. One student wrote: There are many wrinkles on my father's balls. The teacher criticized the parents for not letting their children see them everywhere. The parents explained: This child has been careless since he was a child. Don't write the word "face".

4. The lady explained to the police that she didn't have MaiYin: I just sold condoms for two yuan for two hundred yuan, which at most was raising the price. Policeman: What happened next? The lady said: Teaching him how to use it is part of after-sales service.

5. After the performance, the leader came on stage and took the hand of the beautiful Mongolian actress and asked her her name. The actor said excitedly: Malegebi.

6. There was only one piece of cake left at the birthday party, and the word "birthday" happened to be written on it. The boy generously picked up the knife and cut it into two parts, gently. Say to the girl: "I'm in charge of 'day' and you're in charge of 'birth', okay?" ”

7. Life quotes: When work and love are unsatisfactory, you can take out your little brother, stare at it, and meditate on the spirit it contains: it can be long or short, thick or thin, stretched or stretched. Song can be soft or hard, learn it, and the difficulties in front of you are nothing!

8. A little kid in a kindergarten was hiding in the toilet and smoking, and was caught by the teacher. The teacher asked him why he smoked. He lowered his head and answered deeply: The motherland is not reunified, and he is in a very depressed mood.

9. The director danced with the beautiful virgin. When the dance climaxed, the director was a little excited, and he straightened up. The virgin noticed and became curious. The ground asked: What’s next to you? Director: I’m the section chief. Virgin: I’m not a big official, but I’m quite tough.

10. The female mayor and the male secretary *** went to the banquet together, and they were very happy. After that, the secretary said: Secretaries have usually been mayors! The female mayor responded cleverly: Yes, secretaries are usually born (promoted) to mayors