English jokes (with Chinese translation)

Tommy: Johnny, how is your little brother? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

He won

Tom: Johnny, how is your little brother?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He's hurt.

Tom: That's too bad. What happened?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

I have his ears in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

A good boy.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

drink

One day, a father and his little son came home. At this age, boys are interested in all kinds of things and always ask questions. Now, he asked, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are two policemen standing there. If I think two policemen are four, then I am drunk. "

"But, Dad," said the boy, "there is only one policeman!"

Drunk

One day, the father came home with his youngest son. The child is at the age of being interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look, there are two policemen standing there. If I see that they are four, then I am drunk. " "But, Dad," said the child, "there is only one policeman there!"

treat cordially

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest because there was no cheese in the apple pie she served. The little boy of this family quietly left the room and went to Amo. When he came back, he took a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled, put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are definitely better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "In the rat trap, sir," the boy replied.

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to the guests because there was no cheese at home when they ate apple pie. The little boy in this family left home quietly. After a while, he returned to his room with a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled and put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are just better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "On the mousetrap, sir." The little boy said.

A man went to church and started talking to God. He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?" God said, "a penny", and then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "One second", and then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said "at once"

A man walks into a church and talks to God. He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replied, "A penny." The man asked, "What about a million years?" God said, "One second." Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?" God replied, "Right away."

Much worse.

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when someone robbed your watch?

Man: If I open my mouth, they will find my four gold teeth. That's even worse.

It could be worse.

Policeman: Why didn't you shout when your watch was robbed?

Man: If I open my mouth and shout, they will find my four gold teeth. That would be even worse!

Jim's history exam

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history exam?

Mother: Oh, it's not good at all, but it's not his fault. They asked him.

What happened before the poor boy was born.

Jim's history exam

Uncle: How did Jim do in his history exam?

Mother: Oh, that's terrible. But then again, I can't blame him. Hey, they asked so many questions.

Before the poor child was born.

ask questions

In computer class, the teacher punished a boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.

"I just asked her a question," said the boy.

"If you have any questions, ask me," the teacher replied.

"OK," the boy replied. "Do you want to go out with me on Friday night?"

ask a question

In computer class, the teacher criticized a boy because he talked to the girl behind him.

"I just asked her a question." The boy said.

"If you have any questions, just ask me." The teacher said.

"Well," said the boy, "would you like to go out with me on Friday night?

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I ran into the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's good. Who is fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

Mom: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I just ran into the street to stop a fight?

Mom: You did the right thing. Who is fighting with whom?

Freddie: Me and Jack Smith.

Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Was it right for me to lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Should I lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Otherwise, he should borrow it from me.

Just sew on the buttonhole.

Husband: Honey, did you sew a button on me?

Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I sewed the buttonhole.

Husband: Honey, did you sew the button for me?

Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I only sewed the buttonhole.

give up/offer one's seat (to sb)

Little Johnny said, "Mom, when I was on the bus with my father this morning, he asked me to give up my seat to a lady."

"Well, you did the right thing," mom said.

"But Mom, I'm sitting on Dad's lap."

Give one's seat (to sb).

Little John told his mother, "When my father and I took the bus this morning, he asked me to give up my seat to a lady."

"Well, you did the right thing." Mom said.

"But, Mom, I was sitting on Dad's lap."

My uncle has 1000 people.

He is really a big shot. What does he do?

The maintenance man in the cemetery.

He and my uncle have 1000 people.

He is really a big shot. What do you do?

Graveyard keeper.

My puppy can't read.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My little dog can't read.

My dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed, will you?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.