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Cai Kangyong: A mother who can reveal human nature can make her children feel more at ease.

When people praise and praise their mother again and again as omnipotent and great as Superman, are they praising her or hurting her? Cai Kangyong believes that a mother who allows herself to show weakness and confusion in front of others is a mother with high emotional intelligence and should be respected.

When meeting Cai Kangyong, maybe parents will ask, "How can we teach a child with high emotional intelligence like Cai Kangyong? He laughed off the question: "Everyone must have misunderstood. If you have a child like me, you will be scared to death: "What the hell is this person thinking!" " "This is Cai Kangyong. He never plays by the rules.

As a well-known host and best-selling author, and won this year's (20 19) best-selling blog champion with "Cai Kangyong EQ Course: Living for Yourself", Cai Kangyong is not only the spokesperson of "high EQ" himself, but also has his own unique views on interpreting EQ from a psychological perspective.

He once mentioned that the traditional definition of high emotional intelligence in society is to erase one's emotions, wronged oneself and fulfill others, but this is not what emotional intelligence should really look like. The real EQ is "making yourself feel comfortable". Cai Kangyong's new book EQ Lesson 2: Because this is your life extends from interpersonal relationship to parental relationship, and the definition of "high EQ parents" begins with "being yourself". Cai Kangyong thinks: "Only by becoming comfortable people first can you become comfortable parents. 」

In his eyes, Xiao S is the representative of the "parents with the highest emotional intelligence" in the entertainment circle, because she never deliberately hides her fragility and confusion as a mother. Although standing next to her favorite daughter, the spotlight is not on her, but she can still appreciate the advantages of her children and feel that she is the best mother.

"100% Superman Mommy" is the most worrying thing. Cai Kangyong believes that the so-called "100% mother" not only pursues perfection in everything, but covers up all her inner feelings. She must have suffered pain that ordinary people can't understand before choosing to be fully armed. He even reflected: "When we call a mother Superman, are we praising her or setting her up?" ? 」

Q: How to balance being a parent and being your own role?

A: I've seen my mother's daily schedule. I'm afraid I have to lie down for a week after a day to recover, and I don't want to have the same day again. But this is mom's daily job, so,

When we call a mother Superman, are we praising her or setting her up?

I read a joke recently. Some people say that when I was a child, my mother used to eat fish heads and left the meat on the fish to the children. The child was very moved and felt that his mother had been eating such boring fish heads and eating delicious fish for herself. Until he grew up, it was finally his turn to eat fish heads. He found the fish head really delicious. His mother said, "Yes, I like fish heads. Why do you treat me as a sacrifice to eat fish head? 」

The role of mother should not be above all roles, especially the role of "self".

Q: What are "high emotional intelligence parents"? A: If you want to be a "parent with high emotional intelligence", you'd better think of yourself as a person, not a parent, but a person and a child. This is my first suggestion.

The second attitude is "appropriate". Many people pursue this life without being sad. Such a wish is creepy, because people who are happy every day must be big shots. If you don't feel what you have lost, you will never feel sad. Didn't you live in vain in this life? How can it be a blessing?

A person with high emotional intelligence can just feel his emotions properly, so don't be so afraid. You will wish not to be sad again, but you are too afraid of feeling sad. When you put all the so-called negative emotions so big, you will make such an absurd wish.

Q. What do you think is the parent representative with the highest EQ in the entertainment circle?

A: I don't want to mention this person, but I will mention Xiao S. She reveals her emotions, and her fragility and confusion will not be deliberately concealed. I actually have an alarm system in my heart. When the guests perform perfectly, the alarm will sound. I know there must be something huge hidden behind this man. I will try to dig, and sometimes I find a horrible episode. That kind of fully armed mommy must have suffered unbearable pain before she became like that. A mother who reveals human nature makes me feel more at ease.

One day, Xiao S sent a photo of his three daughters on Halloween. In the movie The Hidden Girl, the eldest daughter dresses up as a ghost bride with a needle on her face, next to Kaonashi. I knew at a glance that the ghost bride was her daughter, but I didn't see who Kaonashi was. She asked me, "Who looks the best in the photo?" I said, "of course, ghost bride, it looks so realistic!" " "Didn't you see me?" Small s asked. It turned out that she played the role of Kaonashi.

She is such a mother who has expectations for herself and can appreciate the excellent part of her daughter. This does not mean that she must lose to her daughter. Even though she plays Kaonashi, she still thinks she is the best in the whole picture, not her daughter. These struggles and contradictions are part of human beings. The so-called "100 mommy" means hiding all the fragility, contradiction and confusion as human beings.

Jia Yongjie is the "superman mother" in my heart. She is super strong. Even if she doesn't run three railways, she is "running something else". She is mainly carrying all the things of another human life. If she has two children, she will lead two lives. This is amazing. I should ask her face to face next time: "Do you really want to be called Superman Mom? Do you want to be Superman or are you forced to be Superman? When will it end? 」

Q: How to deal with the emotions between parents or parents?

A: We are used to exaggerating emotions, because the atmosphere of life is like this. Drama and pop songs encourage us to die when we are lovelorn; Even in the play, as long as he doesn't listen to his father, he will vomit blood on the spot and faint to the ground. In fact, every emotion has a unit of measurement. We can accept that entertainment products describe everything as death and ascension, but it is best not to do so in life.

If we can gradually learn to mark the emotional score more accurately, the emotions we are afraid of, including blackmail, sadness and sadness, will be more appropriate. Just set it at 6: 4, and you will prioritize, otherwise you will take everything too seriously and think that the whole world is against me. That's really exaggerated. How can the whole world have time to fight you? You just can't cross the red light, and you will be deducted for being five minutes late. You left your report at home. Not the whole world. Just a series of small things, everything is only worth 0.5 and 0. 1 minute.

In addition, if you accept it blindly, whenever the mood comes, you should respond immediately, and you will always be controlled by the mood.

If you are willing to temporarily cool them down and spread them in different directions, it's like stuffing any food you get into the refrigerator right away, don't eat it right away. I'm talking about this operation. Put it aside, don't look, and make an emotional response immediately, which can help us calm down and help us identify emotions.

Q: Why is emotional blackmail between parents and children a good time to negotiate? Tell me about your successful experience in parent-child negotiation in the past?

A: Many people think that emotional blackmail looks serious, but the other party blackmails you because you are very important to him, so you have a bargaining chip and you don't need to give in completely. There is room for negotiation and mutual concessions between parents, family members or partners. This is my attitude towards EQ.

I was used to negotiating with my father since I was a child, and even went abroad to study movies. I think he will give me something only if I give it to him. Therefore, the important principle of negotiating with parents is, "As long as you make him realize that you have a heart, they will naturally forgive you. Parents always try to praise their children from a reasonable angle. Even if you propose a very indecent negotiation, you will still feel that "this child dares to negotiate with me" is really kind.

I think what parents are most worried about is that when they meet children who have no opinions, they will not respond to anything, everything will be casual and everything will be fine. Without making any effort to ask for what he wants, it is such a family member, child or partner that makes people get along with each other disheartened. (Word-for-word manuscript arrangement/tour of Hao Yun)

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