Jokes suitable for the elderly. I will host a program in a nursing home in a few days. For the first time, I was a little nervous. By the way, tell me how not to be nervous.

(1) A village head drank too much and went home by mistake in the pigsty. He lay beside the sow and said, Wife: Give me a glass of water, and the sow snorted. The village chief said, if you don't fall, you won't fall, and you won't scatter. Feel casually and say: buy leather clothes, or double-breasted ones.

(2) When the old couple went to take pictures, the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

(3) One day, a barber beat a candied haws seller and went to the police station to ask the barber: Why do you sell candied haws? The barber said, * * *, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "burn it" outside.

(4) A man is constipated when he goes to the toilet. Suddenly, he saw a man rushing in, and suddenly it was stormy. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I haven't had time to take off my pants yet!"

(5) When a foreigner was playing in Laiwu, he met an old lady teasing the cat and asked: What are you doing? The old lady replied: ancient cat! Foreigners are frightened, even the old people can speak foreign languages! Give it chocolate, and the old lady thinks it's dried sweet potatoes and says, I have it in Laiwu! Foreigners are dizzy!

(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. The bee said: Hum! Still talking about me, why didn't you text me with two antennas on your head?

(7) {Peer} dung beetles fell in love with mosquitoes. Dung beetles: "What is your occupation?" Mosquito: "What about you, nurse?" Dung beetles smiled: "Fate, peer, I am a Chinese medicine pinch pill."

(9) The young couple fought and threw pillows downstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. Then he flew away from the quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and cried upstairs with tears: Eldest brother, please throw that woman down.

(1 1) A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old rag-picker. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

(12) A big toe suddenly turned green. The doctor diagnosed it as cancer and removed it. A few days later, his second toe turned green. After taking it out, three days later, his soles turned green and he had to be transferred to a big hospital. The final expert consultation diagnosis is: socks fade.