Who has a joke to share?

One morning Tang Seng saw Wukong kneeling in front of his bed with tears on his face

Tang Seng asked: "Wukong, what are you doing?"

Wukong said : "Master! Can you please stop reciting the tightening curse next time you talk in your sleep?"

1. Bus IC card

It happened a few years ago, when swiping cards were first implemented, and buses When we arrived at the station, a tall woman came up. She probably had her IC card in the back pocket of her jeans, so as soon as she got on the bus, she leaned her butt against the card machine. After a beep, she got into the car. Behind this woman There was an old lady who was following me. She was not tall, and she found it strange that she could get on the bus just by leaning her butt on that thing. So as soon as she got on the bus, she tried her best to put her feet up and leaned her butt against the card machine. After trying several times without success, the driver said, "Mom, what are you doing? Hurry up and put your coin in and get on the bus." The aunt said, "Can't that girl get on the bus just by leaning her butt over here?" Haha, that's what happened. The driver couldn't laugh or cry, so he could only explain to him that the girl used an IC card.

But the aunt didn't understand that Xiami is called an IC card, so she still struggled with the driver, "You... The young man is too unkind. A beautiful girl sticks her butt with you and you let her in. My old lady sticks her butt with you so many times and you don't let me in. "What do you mean?", in the car? Everyone laughed, and the driver couldn't get off the stage because of him, so he could only wave her up to let her in.

2. Wrong hearing

A foreigner took a A 50-yuan note was waved in front of the conductor: Have you seen it? Have you seen it? ...

The person who bought the ticket was stupid, so he simply took out a 100 ticket and showed it: Have you seen it?

Finally, I figured out that the person wanted to go to "Jianguo" Door!"

3. Thief

A certain person often loses his wallet on the bus. One day before getting on the bus, a certain person folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope and got off the bus. It was later discovered that the envelope had been stolen. The next day, shortly after I got in the car, I felt something hard on my waist. I touched it and saw that it was the envelope from yesterday. The envelope said: Please don't make such jokes and affect your normal work. Thank you! !

4. Asking for money

One time I took the bus home. When I got on the bus, I found that there was no one-yuan change in my wallet. I was worried, so I took out a ten-yuan bill and put it into the coin slot. . Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt useless, so I discussed with the driver if I could be allowed to stand guard at the door and keep the money that the passengers at the next stop should have put into the coin slot for myself. The driver agreed.

The bus quickly drove to the next stop, and many people rushed to get on the bus. I blocked the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other passenger was stunned and said, "Why?" He refused to explain in a few words, so I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about anything else." The other party looked at the driver, who nodded in acquiescence. So, one yuan was obtained. I followed the law and quickly collected eight of them one yuan. Then a big man came up, with a muscular back, a shaved head and exposed tattoos. Seeing me stopping him, he said angrily: "What are you doing?

Brother?" I said: "I'll tell you later, give me the money first." The other person's eyes were rounded: "Say "What?" I said, "Give me the money!" The other person opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What is this guy doing?" , so everyone started shouting: "What are you talking about! Give me the money quickly!" The big man quickly shrank. I saw him taking out his wallet from his pocket and handing it over, saying with a sad face: "Boss, I only have this little money with me. There are many of you, so I'm convinced."

5. Car Chase

I caught the bus in the morning. When I arrived at the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me!"

At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to me: "Wukong, you Just stop chasing me."

6. Get off the bus

When the bus was waiting for a red light, a man shouted: "Driver, open the door, I want to get off." /p>

"Is this a stop sign? "The driver said angrily.

"I'm telling you just because this is not a stop sign."

The driver was speechless.

7. Pull tab

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn’t find a seat, so she could only pull the pull tab on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked and the fat woman The woman broke the pull tab and threw herself in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull tab on her hand and said angrily: "If you collect three, I will give the driver a signed photo!"

8. Seats

There was a beautiful girl. After getting on the bus, she took out a tissue from her bag and wiped the seats vigorously. When she was about to sit down, she farted. The husband heard this and jokingly said: Miss is really fond of hygiene. After wiping for so long, she still needs to blow on it!