Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Coffin complaint (1) reprinted boutique
Coffin complaint (1) reprinted boutique
? The first chapter Xiao Cui
It's dusk, the weather is bad, and there is no light for a long time. All the shops in Tongluo town are as busy as early morning, putting the goods placed outside the store into the store. There are no stars and no moon in the sky tonight, so after the faint afterglow of the sun completely evacuated from Tongluo town, the whole Tongluo town fell into boundless darkness.
Xiao Cui walked very fast, almost trotting all the way, and the cloth shoes with black background and white edges stepped heavily on the only bluestone road in Tongluo Town, making a muffled sound of "snapping". Both sides "sit down first and look at my photo album." She put the photo album in my hand. "I'll go down first and call you when I eat." Her shop was closed long ago, because she was in a hurry, and she didn't even have time to light lanterns. Now she just gently picked up the little girl with the help of two gods of death, thinking: If all the alkali in heaven were like her, the world would be much better. Look at the road through some light under the door of the shop.
Fortunately, she has been walking on the east-west stone road for ten years, so although she only relies on the light leaking from the crack of the door, she can also avoid the historical potholes under her feet.
After a hurried walk, Xiaocui suddenly slowed down a little. When passing a shop in Lunan, she habitually looked at the door of that shop as usual. The black and wide wooden door is closed now, and there is no light.
Xiaocui's eyebrows slightly wrinkled, slow down and speed up, continue to scurry forward. Not far away, there is a faint light ahead. Xiaocui's eyebrows have spread, and he walked to the door of the light with a straight face.
The light comes from two lanterns hanging at the door, two huge white lanterns. The door was not closed, Xiao Cui pushed it gently, and the door made a harsh "creaking" sound and opened a crack. Xiao Cui slipped through the door like a catfish, and then "creaked" and the door was gone. Only the two huge white lanterns at the door are still on, according to the four big characters on the door? d? d? Lin Ji Covent.
There are lanterns hanging in the yard, which are not only white, but also bigger than the lanterns at the door, making a big yard very bright. There is only one road in the yard, also paved with bluestone slabs, which leads directly from the main entrance to the middle door. Xiaocui walking on the stone road, the pace has slowed down. Her old habit made her not look at either side of the yard at all.
This path divides the courtyard into an east courtyard and a west courtyard. Because this yard is the facade of Lin Ji coffin shop, there are many coffins in both the East and West yards.
The coffins in the East Courtyard are painted, and the red coffins are neatly placed in the yard, and then illuminated by the horrible white light, which naturally presents a somewhat sinister paradox. The coffins in the west yard are all white, more than those in the east yard.
Xiao Cui walked in the yard full of coffins on both sides, but instead of going to the middle door, he bypassed the middle door and went to the backyard. Just turned the middle door, two black shadows suddenly descended from the darkness, landed on Xiaocui's feet, and jumped up quickly, scaring Xiaocui to breath a mouthful of air conditioning, and his hair stood on end. I didn't breathe a sigh of relief until I saw two black cats fed in the shop.
"Dead cat, if you frighten me again, I will kill you tomorrow." Xiaocui behind the black cat muttered resentfully, but strode into the backyard. The black cat narrowed her eyes and screamed "meow" and chased it to the coffin pile in the East Hospital.
There is a wing in the southeast corner of the backyard. Xiao Cui went straight to the innermost room in the south. The carved wooden door was left, but Xiao Cui slipped into the room like a catfish.
There was a light on in the room, and a fat woman was walking around anxiously in a red and green skirt. See cui came in, immediately face the past, "you can come back, why? The master is not here, is he? "
After closing the door, Xiaocui smiled and shook her head, and a small dimple appeared on her left cheek, adding a touch of charm to her already not-so-beautiful face. "Yes, the master is not here."
Hearing this, the woman was obviously relieved and turned to sit down. Her chubby face squeezed out a smug smile, and her eyes narrowed into a crack, flashing fierce light. She said maliciously, "Now let's see what I can do with her." Without looking at Xiaocui, he waved casually. "You go."
"Yes, madam." Xiao Cui nodded and turned away. "Don't say anything tonight." The woman shouted at Xiaocui's back to remind him. Xiao Cui nodded hard, closed the door and walked to the servant room in the east. She is about seventeen or eighteen, and she is a confidant of her wife.
Down the steps, Xiaocui yawned and felt the cool night wind. The next moment, her eyes were suddenly attracted by a stall under her feet. She clearly remembers that the old woman's house was empty, and there were some embroidery and a letter on the small table. When I came in just now, the steps were clean and there was nothing. Whispering and frowning, "What is it?"
As soon as she saw the stall, she suddenly jumped up like a needle, screamed "plop", sat on the ground, stared at the stall, and rolled back to the back steps in horror.
? On Labor Day, my friends and I decided to drive to Zhongdian. At that time, everyone decided to go camping. Among the ten of us, there were men and women. Chapter 2 Black Cat
The Lins are a big family in Tongluo Town. They have opened this coffin shop for several years. It is said that black cats can ward off evil spirits, so the coffin shop keeps two big black cats, a male and a female.
Because of the oil and water, the two black cats were fed fat and round, jumping up and down all day and playing nonstop. Just now, Xiaocui was startled.
But those two lively black cats just now, at this time, I don't know who cut off their heads and put two bleeding cat heads on the steps.
Xiaocui, what are you doing? Behind the door came the voice of his wife's impatience. The carved door that had been closed opened with the sound, and his wife's fat figure appeared at the door. Seeing Xiao Cui sitting on the ground, his wife was startled. "What's the matter?"
See his wife Xiaocui stood up like a straw, looked around the empty backyard, pointed to the stall on the ground in shock, and then retracted his hand like an electric shock, stuttering. "Mrs. Tai, you see, you see ..."
The wife took two steps forward and saw the two bloody black cats lying on the ground at a glance. A gust of wind blew, and the smell of blood came to the nose. My wife covered her nose and felt a churn in her stomach.
What is a coffin shop? I have more courage than the average person. I watched the dark night outside, thought about it, and sat back in front of the old man. Cui glanced at it, and his wife shouted angrily, "Can a cat's head be so scared?" Talking, I glanced around the yard and my eyes fell on the two cats. "Who was in the yard just now?"
Xiaocui has regained his breath and shook his head. "I didn't see anyone just now." "No one?" The wife was puzzled and immediately shouted to the servant room in the east: "Money, money." Listen, my wife's name is Fugui, and Xiao Cui opened her mouth but didn't say anything.
Soon, Fu Gui, the servant recommended by the housekeeper, cleaned the black cat's head, leaving not even a trace of blood on the ground. After seeing Xiaocui and Fu Gui off, my wife couldn't sleep any more. Lying in bed, she didn't feel sleepy at all. Two bloody cat heads kept coming to her mind. Who will do it? Why didn't you find the body of the cat?
Is it? A name flashed through my mind and my wife sat up. No, then she immediately shook her head and denied the name. She got out of bed and poured herself a glass of water. She secretly complained that she was too nervous.
By the way, she suddenly thought of another person, it must be her, this damn thing. She swallowed the tea like a bear a grudge, sat heavily on the bed and gnashed out a name? d? d? Hu Meiniang.
Hu Meiniang is a widow, but she is also one of the best beauties in Tongluo Town. Otherwise, how could she take Master Lin's soul? Master Lin hooked up with Hu Meiniang and never looked back. I'm still sleeping in bed. It's like an out-of-body experience There was no thinking at that time. Suddenly there was a dazzling flash of lightning and a loud noise outside the window, bang! Down there. Beat my soul back to my body! ! I'll be moving right away, and I won't move. But my whole body is weak. . Sweat all over. Look out the window. Silent night. There is no sign of lightning or thunder. I dare not go back to sleep at all. Jump out of bed at once. Run to the opposite bed A and sleep next to my classmate. It's been a day or two. If Mrs. Wang hadn't caught the master's handle, I'm afraid he would have married this fox into the house.
My wife gets angry at the thought of her peach eyes. She must have done it. It's hard to say which killer in this shop has been subdued by her.
The night passed quickly under his wife's curse on Hu Meiniang, and the sky in the east was a fish-belly white. The door of the coffin shop was opened and we were at a loss. It is impossible to call the police, and no one is stupid enough to report his murder. But there is a little luck in my heart: maybe this person is just scaring us. It was not until A Niu really disappeared that the fat man and I realized that this was not a joke, and the next one was enlightened. There are people cleaning the front yard and backyard, and the guys do their own work according to their respective division of labor. Because my wife made a fortune in advance, no one knew the strange thing that two black cats were beheaded last night.
Everything is as usual. Although the owner went out to buy wood, no one dared to slack off under the control of his wife, but one person had to be removed, and that was Liu Fu, the son of Liu Bo, the housekeeper.
When Xiaocui brought the laundry water to his wife, he caught a glimpse of Liu Fuzheng circling around a coffin. The coffin was ordered by Mr. Li in the east of the city and will be shipped away today. So, the two guys are carefully wiping the coffin again. Liu Fu, who has always used his Lao Tzu's influence to be idle, doesn't know what to say, and his mouth is watering.
Xiaocui gave him a contemptuous look, walked up the steps and went into his wife's room, waiting for her to freshen up. When I passed the steps, I suddenly remembered the black cat head last night. I couldn't help but look at the ground subconsciously. The ground was clean and there was almost no dust. When his wife came out to wash and change clothes under the service of Xiao Cui, Liu Fu had gone fooling around, and only those two guys were still busy beside the coffin.
The wife strolled to the coffin that was about to be shipped out and looked at it carefully. I've heard of this coffin, right? Great! "I said excitedly. This is what Mr. Li bought for his seriously ill concubine. 12 yuan cypress coffin is the top grade in the coffin. It seems that Mr. Li really loves that princess.
The two guys pushed open the coffin lid together and prepared to put a copper coin with red silk thread into the coffin as usual, which was the last step before the coffin was shipped.
But as soon as the lid of the coffin was pushed open, the guy who was going to put the money suddenly turned pale and trembled like a monster in the coffin. He can't even say the lyrics. "Hu, Hu …" The other guy gave him a quick look, but immediately became like that guy and stammered, "Hu, Hu …"
The wife was so scared that she pushed the guy's probe away and gasped through her teeth. Hu Meiniang, who cursed herself last night, was lying in the coffin, glaring and looking dead for a long time.
? Chapter III Mei Niang
Ben Ben patted his heart, his wife looked around in a flurry, and everything was in an orderly way. Everyone doesn't seem to know that there is a dead man in the coffin that is about to be transported away. It is the master's lover Hu Meiniang.
Let yourself calm down quickly, and my wife's always smart brain immediately starts to run at high speed. Now, no matter how Hu Meiniang died in her coffin, the most important thing is to get her body away quickly. If anyone finds out, it's a lawsuit.
Although the host has always been friendly with the yamen, as long as the yamen handles it, a lot of glistening money will flow into other people's pockets. At the thought of this, my wife, who loves money like a life, is heartbroken. Therefore, this matter must be kept secret. Anyway, Hu Meiniang has no relatives or friends in this town.
She looked at the two little guys who were still a little jittery and lowered her voice. "Put the lid on quickly." Although her voice is very low, it has a certain deterrent, so the two guys quickly closed the coffin and looked at their wives blankly.
From opening the coffin to closing the lid, it's a long story, in fact, it's a blink of an eye. My wife already has a plan in mind. Because this coffin will be transported away soon, Hu Meiniang's body must be removed first anyway.
Look at some busy guys in the yard. His wife whispered a few words in Xiaocui's ear. Xiao Cui nodded and walked to everyone. Soon, several guys went out laughing. At this time, only his wife, Xiao Cui and those two guys were left in the yard.
Xiao Cui took out the key, opened a door on the side of the east wing, and let two guys carry the big bag with the body inside. This room is next to the woodshed and is always empty at ordinary times. Therefore, when I opened the door, a musty smell came to my face. Looking at two guys struggling to put the bag down, Xiaocui frowned again. It's really hard for my wife to come up with such a method.
Locking the door again, Xiaocui took out two small pieces of silver from her pocket and gave them to two guys. Gherardini repeated his wife's words. "If you talk about it today, hum ..." She didn't finish, but the two guys shut up and nodded repeatedly. "Don't worry, Miss Cui, we won't die." We received the task of changing a girl. Girls talk very simply. I will. "
Picked his eyebrows, dimples appeared on his cheeks again, and Xiao Cui walked away at a brisk pace. The two guys looked at each other, put away the money and left quickly. The back of the three people just disappeared in front of us, and a figure quickly flashed in front of the door and looked through the door.
At this time, in the front yard, the servant sent by Mr. Li has carried the coffin into the car with the help of the two guys. When the car drove out, my wife was relieved, and my hanging heart was finally put down.
"Nobody saw it, did they?" The wife twisted her fat body and walked into the middle door, waiting for the vanilla to come and offer her condolences. "No" Xiaocui followed, replied in a low voice, and poured his wife a cup of tea. Without tea, my wife began to rub her temples and vaguely felt that her head began to hurt. Leaving the body at home is never a problem. We must find a way to get rid of her.
Of course, the best way to dispose of the body is to bury her, but where? My head hurts more and more, and Mrs. * * * gives Xiaocui a hand. Xiao Cui hurried out at once and came back with a small bottle of medicated oil in his hand. After wiping the medicated oil, the wife closed her eyes and leaned back in the plush chair.
The plush chair began to shake rhythmically, creaking with pain. Xiao Cui stood beside his wife with a tight face and said nothing. She knows that whenever his wife shakes the plush chair with her eyes closed, she will be in a bad mood.
Vanilla came in with her maid Xiaofeng when her wife was in the worst mood. My wife no longer tortures fauteuil. When she saw vanilla, a good idea suddenly occurred to her. She ignored the vanilla. She took Xiaocui's ear and muttered something. Xiaocui's face changed, but he went out obediently. After Li Xiaofeng, Zhiyuan smiled and said, "Lingling, don't go to Xiao Shuang. She whispered, "Tomorrow? Tomorrow after tomorrow, there are so many tomorrows. "Well, it's not good for you. I can do it myself. You have to believe me, we will be happy together in the future. " When she was by her side, Xiaofeng deliberately turned her head away and lifted the vanilla kneeling and asking.
Vanilla is the daughter of the daughter-in-law who was married that year. Because his wife has never added a man and a half to the Lins since she passed the door, she really has no reason to object to the master taking a concubine. But instead of finding a woman who doesn't know the details, let the master take the vanilla. At least her girl won't be jealous of her master. So Vanilla changed from a girl to Master Lin's concubine.
Everything is as my wife expected. Vanilla has been in the door for years. Although she gave birth to a son to her master, she never refuted her. She is even more afraid to be jealous. She comes to say hello to herself every morning. The wife smiled with satisfaction, and the fat on her cheeks began to shake. She waved to vanilla.
Xiaocui ran out in a hurry, and Yuanda boy was frightened by the excitement of Lin's mother. He burst into tears in his struggle and spilled drinks on the bed. It was far away in the morning, and two waiters helped it, and the waiters came running at once. Xiao Cui whispered a few words, and a waiter hurried to the gate.
Lin Ji coffin shop has always been located in the westernmost part of Tongluo Town, when it was still a small town. If it weren't for Danan, maybe I would never know such a place in my life. Because I married Da Nan Lightning, I didn't have time for the ceremony. This is my first time to come to my in-laws' house. I didn't think it was because of mourning. Going west, there is no desolate wilderness except the warehouse where the Lins store wood and the place where coffins are made. Of course, the wilderness is the best place to bury the body.
Looking at the man out of the door, Xiao Cui took the remaining man to the backyard. Except for the housekeeper and several maids, all the other guys lived in the warehouse over there. The concubine's vanilla was retained by her wife again, so the whole backyard should be empty at this time.
Xiao Cui has always been very cautious, so she didn't open the door of the room directly, but walked straight to the housekeeper's door with small steps. The door is locked. It seems that Liu Fu has been fooling around somewhere. When Xiao Cui came back to the room where the body was put, she opened the door to let the boy in and stood by the door.
But the little friend just went in and said "no"? What do you mean? Xiao Cui confused the route and looked inside, but this look was really taken aback. The bag containing the body was gone.
? The fourth chapter box
The wife looked at the vanilla skirt and taught Xiaofeng a lesson with a straight face. She saw the scene just now, and it's lawless to dare to make trouble with her girl.
Vanilla bowed her head respectfully, afraid to say a word of intercession, and let Xiaofeng smoke her two mouths under the supervision of her wife. Looking at vanilla's eyes, my wife's anger finally subsided. Although she hypocritically praised vanilla, her eyes still slipped to the door from time to time.
Xiaocui finally appeared in her sight and came in with a bowl of bird's nest in her hand. "Well, you also go out. Vanilla, be careful of your girl. " The wife squinted at the servant in front of her and said slowly. When she said the last sentence, her tone was very strict.
"Yes, madam." Vanilla humbly blessed the blessing and went out with Xiaofeng. Just out of the door, her supple expression disappeared instantly, her face was covered with ice, but her tone was very soft. She asked Xiaofeng, "Does it hurt? Just rub some medicinal oil in the future. "
Xiaofeng was not convinced and complained for the master. "Master, in fact, you don't have to be polite to her. You gave birth to a master, and besides, he dotes on you so much. " Vanilla's slender eyebrows were raised high, and a smile appeared on her mouth. Her eyes suddenly became sharp and long, and she said slowly, "Not yet."
The bird's nest was no longer steaming, and Xiaocui hung his head and dared not say a word. The plush chair began to shake again, the wife closed her eyes and frowned, and the body was gone? She didn't scold Xiaocui. What's the use of scolding Xiaocui now? She thought carefully and mobilized every brain cell.
She didn't think how Hu Meiniang's body got into the coffin, and now it's strangely gone. The shaking of the chair increased, the creaking voice lost its rhythm, and the wife's feet in yellow embroidered shoes began to shake.
No matter who hid the body in the coffin, except Xiao Cui, only the housekeeper had the key to that room. The housekeeper has followed her master to buy wood. It won't be his. Who could it be? She's not dead at all? The plush chair suddenly stopped, but it immediately shook. The wife shook her head to herself. It's impossible.
A man shouted back at the door, "Madam, the young master is back." The plush chair finally stopped shaking, and his wife stood up with a sigh. Why did two strange things happen at home just two days after the master left? Now even the young master is looking for trouble for himself. Xiaocui saw his wife stand up and quickly opened the door, waiting for her to go out.
Sure enough, Master Lin, who was supposed to go to school, was standing in front of the steps waiting for her. When the little guy was twelve or thirteen years old, he wore a golden shawl over his sapphire robe, exposing his wealth to the fullest.
Seeing his wife coming out, he gave a childish smile, took a small box from Xiaofeng beside him and waved it at his wife. "Aunt, it's for you."
"For me?" The wife's face showed a rare kindness. She took the box, but didn't open it at once. But gave it to Xiaocui, holding the young master's hand. She bent down slightly. "Tell your aunt why you didn't go to school today?" Although she hates vanilla, she likes this clever child.
The young master blinked, cocked his head and said, "I went, but I met Aunt Mei on the way. She asked me to give you this box at once, saying it was very important, so I came back. "
The wife's body suddenly shook, and the young master's words seemed to cast a thunder in her ear, making her unstable, because there is no doubt that the beauty in the young master's mouth is Hu Meiniang. But she's dead. The shock in my wife's heart is beyond words.
But she soon returned to normal. Looking at Xiaofeng, her eyes are as sharp as a knife. "Xiaofeng, is what the young master said true?" Xiaofeng lowered her head to avoid her wife's eyes and whispered, "Yes, madam."
The wife was silent for a while, leaving a sentence, "well, go to school quickly, Mr. must be in a hurry." Next time, you can't delay the young master's study time. " Looking at Xiaofeng leaving with the young master relieved, his wife finally could not help but tremble.
It seems that the coffin accusation (1) reprinting fine products still doesn't scare you. Welcome to the ghost story column and read more ghost stories.
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