Parents tease their children, right? Are adult jokes intimidating in children's eyes?

China's parents have one thing in common, that is, they are particularly fond of teasing their children. They always say, "Mom doesn't want you." "I might as well not have given birth to you." "If you keep doing this, the police uncle will come back and take you away at night." "In fact, you are not my own, but I found it in the trash can." ...

I wonder if parents think these words are familiar. Many parents just feel funny when they see these words, and it is amazing to think that they can come up with so many ways to educate their children.

It can be seen that parents think that there is nothing wrong with this kind of "teasing" children's education. They're just joking. The children are still young, so it's good to cry. When they grow up, they will naturally understand the mystery.

Many psychologists have done research to show that children have formed an independent personality around the age of three, and they are not unconscious of everything around them.

Therefore, the influence of parents on their children when they are young will continue directly until their children grow up, or even for a lifetime, which is what we often say: "Look at the old at three years old and look at the old at seven years old."

Many parents always think that their children are young, and they are just joking with Doby. There is no malice, but they don't know that they have left a deep scar in their children's hearts, so that they can live in the nightmare that their mother doesn't want them, and the police uncle will come to arrest them at night.

I remember some time ago, something happened at home that made me very unhappy. I worked overtime in the company for a while because of work, so I didn't go home on time as usual.

At the end of work, I dragged my tired body home. As soon as I opened the door, the child came to hold me and cried. I was puzzled and quickly comforted: "What's the matter, baby, why are you crying? Is mom late? Sorry, mom will come back early next time. "

The child was still crying. After a while, he said piteously, "Mom, dad said you didn't want us, so you didn't go home. I thought you really didn't want us ... "Hearing this sentence, I was sad and angry at once, because the child was sad because of such a joke, and the father was angry because of such a nonsense joke on the child.

When I was sleeping at night, I said to my husband, "Don't play such jokes on children in the future. The child is serious. Look how sad he is crying today! "

But the husband disagreed and said with a smile, "I'm not kidding." Look how pitiful he is crying. It seems that he really loves you as a mother. Are you unhappy? " ……

It's been a long time, but I still remember it vividly, because this phenomenon is not uncommon, and even many parents tease their children for fun, but if they always tease their children like this regardless of the consequences, it will only cause great harm to them.

I met a child on the road before. I found out that her mother is pregnant. It should be a second child. I asked the child, "Do you like your brother and sister in your mother's belly?" The child suddenly lowered his face and said, "I don't like it, because my mother said that she doesn't love me when she is with him." Her mother listened and just said, "Haha, the child is joking."

In a book, it is said that children can't distinguish facts from jokes. They will believe what adults say about themselves and turn these words into their own ideas.

Therefore, adults' "jokes" are actually "intimidation" in the eyes of children.

I saw a topic on Zhihu, "Do you have any psychological problems with children who were often cheated by their parents when they were young?"

One of the netizens' answers touched me very much. This netizen replied like this: "You all lied to me. What else do you want from me?" Why did you lie to me? After being cheated every time, I will choose to believe it without hesitation next time. I love my parents very much, but it makes me black and blue. "

Seeing this answer, we can't help feeling sorry for the child. Because of his parents' jokes and deception, he has such a great psychological influence. How miserable and desperate he should be, and how helpless he is in the face of repeated deception from his parents.

0 1 Parents, do you know what the most hurtful sentence is? I published such a statistical report in Life Times before: the most annoying sentence for children is "Mom doesn't want you!" " "Many parents feel funny when they see this report. Isn't this a joke they played themselves? It's just that they never thought it would have such a big impact on their children.

Last time I went to my best friend's house, her children were very naughty and often made mistakes, which made my best friend feel at a loss. In order to make the child calm down quickly, I say to the child regularly: "If you make trouble again, mom will not want you!" "

As expected, the child soon quieted down, but I seem to see a trace of fear and loss in the child's eyes. "Mom doesn't want herself" is a big blow to a three-year-old child.

And how can children of this age understand the meaning? Their hearts will only think that the original mother really won't want herself.

A few days later, my best friend called me again and said, "You know, since you came to our house last time, I said that to my children, and my children can say that they are obedient to me, not to mention obedient. I am so happy. "

I asked her back, "Is this what you want? Is it your wish to be a well-behaved child? " My best friend stopped talking.

The sentence "Mom doesn't want you" may really calm children down and do what they say, but the burden on children is really heavy. They felt that they were a little disobedient, so their mother gave up on herself and worried about herself all day.

After children are frightened and deceived by adults, they will be greatly hurt, always feel uneasy, and even have fear and resistance. Now that parents have seen it clearly, do you still think it's just a joke? Your jokes have been having a bad influence on the children.

I saw an interview with Professor Fan Peifen before. When talking about her childhood, she always said that her parents always liked to play such jokes on her, so that for a long time, she thought that she was not her parents' own. It was not until she learned a lot of professional knowledge that she was relieved, but she always felt uncomfortable.

Are parents not allowed to tease their children? Many parents want to know, are they not even allowed to have children in Doby? Actually, it's not. I just hope that parents can remember that children in Doby are ok, but they should always pay attention to their attitudes.

Once upon a time, there were two children, and their mother liked to say to them, "If you don't listen, the wolf will come and get you." But in the evening, one of the mothers will take the initiative to accompany the child, tell her warm stories, sing lullabies to her, and gently tell the child: "The wolf says the baby is obedient, so she will never come to you again. There will be no more wolves in this world. Even if she comes, she will have a mother to accompany you. "

When the child was disobedient, the mother stopped the child's prank in time with a joke, but at night, she also gave the child a sense of security in time, letting the child know that there are no wolves in the world, and her mother has been with her, so that she can sleep peacefully.

But the other mother is not like this. Another mother never took this matter to heart, and even forgot to say such a thing. Her children can't sleep well at night, and they are always worried that wolves will catch themselves. Even dreaming at night is a wolf's nightmare. How harmful is it to children's body and mind? Have parents ever thought about it?

Li Yueer, a child-rearing expert, once said, "Children can't tease, and all teasing is evil." .

However, although parents' jokes will make children afraid, as long as parents pay attention to their attitudes and give their children enough sense of security, they can stop being afraid.

Have parents ever thought about why a joke can do so much harm to their children? Maslow said: "A sense of security is the cornerstone of a child's growth." These jokes can be solved if children can clearly understand their parents' love.

Xiao Xia loves her children very much. She will say "Mom loves you" to her children many times before going to bed every night, and she also pays great attention to her children's company in daily life. He believes that companionship can bring children a sense of security, and not being stingy with her love is the best education for children.

One day, Xiao Xia was busy, but the child kept clinging to Xiao Xia. Xiao Xia was anxious and said, "Mom is angry and doesn't want you!" "I want my child to leave a little. I didn't expect the child to stick tighter and tighter and say," Mom loves me so much that she won't leave me. " Xiao Xia is also in distress situation after hearing this sentence.

It can be seen that when parents laugh at their children crying because of a joke, should they think about their own problems and give them enough warmth and love?

What should I do if what I said is already water under the bridge and has caused harm to the children?

Sometimes, although mom and dad don't say it themselves, it is inevitable to say it from others. This is actually not terrible. It is very important to stop loss in time. When children cry because of these jokes, parents should not think, "Isn't it just a joke?" At this time, parents should never stand by and give comfort and encouragement to their children.

Tell children that what they say is wrong, they love them, and tell others "Don't ask such questions again" to prevent children from being hurt again.

The best environment for children to grow up is a warm and loving environment, so the first thing parents should do is to stop teasing their children, because only in this way can they really protect their children, become their safe haven, and make them full of love and not afraid of difficulties.