Uc funny joke

A man went to the hospital and said to the doctor, "I have green toes!" " The doctor looked at it and said, "According to my experience, this is cancer. You must remove it." "This person is very painful and has undergone resection. A few days later, the man came again and said to the doctor, "My other toe is green! "The doctor looked at it and said," According to my medical experience, this is the spread of cancer and should be removed. " The man cried, but he had to have an operation. A few days later, the man came to the doctor in tears and said, "doctor, doctor, my whole foot has turned green!" " The doctor looked at it carefully and suddenly realized, "Oh, my God! Your socks are faded! "

2. Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!"

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "

No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"

No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!"

No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"

The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

3. In the morning, the mother came into the room to wake up her son: "It's time for my son to get up and go to school!" "Why? Mom! I don't want to go. " "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "The children don't like me and the teacher doesn't like me." "So ... there's no reason not to go to school anyway." "mom! You give me two reasons why I have to go to school! " "all right! First, you are 52 years old! Second, you are the principal.

It is said that two mental patients managed to escape from the mental hospital.

But when you get out of the door, you have to climb over the wall of 100 to reach the expressway.

They climbed 60 walls together. One of them was mentally ill and asked the other, "Are you tired, man?" ? "

The other replied that he was not tired.

He said that it was very tiring. Let's keep turning.

When turning to the 99th wall, a psychopath asked another psychopath, "Are you tired, man?" ? "

The other replied, "I'm tired!" Let's go back! "

So they returned it.

5. A baby smiled at birth. Suddenly, the nurse found the baby with a pill in his hand. At this time, the baby said, TMD, it's not that easy to kill me!

6. A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he went all out, he watched a buddy run like the wind.

Into the toilet, into the position next to him, just go in there was a real storm, my brother looked at my brother with envy.

Man, I really envy you.

The buddy said: envy what? You haven't taken off your pants yet.

7. Xiaoqing chatted with a theologian at the banquet. Xiaoqing asked: How do you all diagnose patients? The doctor replied: I always ask them some simple questions first. If they hesitate, I can probably know that they are insane.

Xiaoqing was very interested and asked, what is this problem? Can you give me some examples?

The doctor said, for example, Captain Cook traveled around the world three times, but unfortunately he died on one of them. When was it?

Xiaoqing hesitated, a little embarrassed to say that I am not familiar with history. Can you give me another example?

8. In the church, someone confessed, "Father, I have sinned ..."

Father: "Say, my child, what's the matter?"

Someone said, "During World War II, I hid a Jew who was hunted by the Nazis ..."

Father: "This is a good thing. Why do you feel guilty? "

Someone said, "I hid him in my basement … and … and me."

Let him pay me 150 francs a day ... "

Father: "Do you repent for this? That ... "

Someone: "But, I ... I haven't told him that World War II is over!" " "

9. "Fire! Fire fighting! " There was an urgent and panic cry for help on the phone.

"Where is it?" Asked the operator of the fire brigade.

"At my house!"

"I mean, where is the fire?"

"In the kitchen!"

"I know, but how can we get to your house?"

"Don't you have a fire truck? ! "

10. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." Piggy learns to look like a parrot and says to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and the pig out of the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

1 1. A guest ordered a Beijing roast duck. After the waiter brought it, the guest licked it on the duckbill and said, "No, this is Nanjing Duck."

The waiter quickly changed one, and the guest licked the duckbill and said, "No, this is a duck from Hubei."

The waiter changed another one, and the guest licked the duckbill again and said, "It's still not right, this is a Cantonese duck!" " "

This alarmed the restaurant owner, who ran out very excitedly and said to the guest, "I was an orphan since I was a child, and I don't know where I was born." Please lick me too and see where I come from. "

12. When Kobayashi went to the zoo, he found that when he fed the monkeys, he would put the peanuts in his ass first and then take them out to eat. Xiao Lin asked the administrator curiously, why is this monkey like this?

The administrator replied, "Because someone threw a big peach at it last year, it suffered a lot in order to excrete the pit of the big peach. Now it must measure the food before eating."