Funniest joke?

Story Recommendation 33: A doctor took the elevator home from the 4th floor after work. He found that the elevator had been stopped on the 4th floor. He opened the elevator and saw a female nurse standing with her head bowed inside. The doctor was a little puzzled. Without thinking much, he pressed the 1st floor button, and the elevator started going down. The 3rd, 2nd, and 1st floors arrived, but the elevator didn't stop. No matter how hard the doctor pressed, the elevator still went down... until it reached the B4 floor. Then he stopped. Suddenly the door opened, and a male patient was about to enter the elevator. The doctor glanced at him and immediately closed the elevator door to prevent him from entering. The nurse looked at him coldly, and the doctor said in a panic: "No. Let him come in! The B4 floor is the morgue of the hospital. Have you seen the bracelet that the man is wearing? That is a cadaver bracelet worn only by the dead! The nurse suddenly shouted viciously: Is this a bracelet like this? That’s it! Bracelets!! As she said this, she lifted up her sleeves and trouser legs, and her arms and legs were actually covered with corpse rings!

1: There was a lazy person who didn’t take a bath for several years. One day in the countryside Walking to the tomb, unfortunately, I met a female ghost. I couldn't get away. I saw a lazy man pulling something out of his clothes and throwing it at the female ghost. The female ghost immediately wailed and retreated. The villagers were curious and didn't know what kind of magic weapon it was, so they went forward. It turned out to be a smelly sock.

2: A man encountered a ghost while walking at night, and was frightened to death on the spot. When he died, his mouth was crooked, his eyes were staring out of his eyes, foaming at the mouth, his tongue hanging down from his shoulders, and his face was extremely expressionless. It was scary. The ghost came closer to watch and ended up vomiting---

3: An old man was hospitalized and was critically ill several times. Late at night, everyone was so tired that they fell asleep. The nurse woke up the next morning and shouted: "Oh my God, I overslept and forgot to change the intravenous drip bottle!" The doctor also shouted: "Oh my God! I overslept and forgot to give first aid." The family members also woke up: "Oh my God! How can you still be alive if you don't change the intravenous drip and don't give first aid all night long?" "At this time, a gloomy voice came from somewhere: "Oh my god - I overslept and forgot to seduce the soul."

4: The King of Hell asked the seducer why the seduction of souls was uneven. There are many longevity stars in the mountains. Seduction of souls The official hesitated and said: "The road is too far, it's very tiring to go there."

5: A woman had just given birth to a son, and her family members gathered around the bed. Suddenly the child shouted "Grandpa!" Grandpa fainted immediately, and the child shouted again: "Uncle!" The uncle immediately fell to the ground. The child shouted again: "Dad!" His father immediately closed his eyes and waited for death, but After nothing happened for a long time, I opened my eyes and saw that the child's uncle had died.

6: A tough man passed by a grave and saw a will-o'-the-wisp floating on the top of the grave. So he picked up a stone and threw it away, only to hear the will-o'-the-wisp. He hummed and floated to another grave. The tough man attacked repeatedly. Suddenly, someone on the grave shouted: "Who is it! Is he fucking sick!? It's not even fun to poop. It took only one cigarette to hit me three times." ."

7: My brother was taking an overnight train and met a girl in white. This girl had a bloodless face and looked exactly like Sadako. My brother was a little scared. He asked for the address and drove quickly, not daring to go back all the way. Look. When I got there, I turned around and saw that there was no one in the car. There was only a big white rag doll. My brother was afraid that he would throw it out of the car window and return home in a panic. The next day at work, I heard a colleague say: "There is a rag doll." The female passenger sued you, saying that she didn’t get on the bus yesterday and just threw the doll into the car and you drove away."

8: In the past, when making calls, numbers were not like using buttons now. Yes, you insert your fingers into a disc with holes to dial. Xiao Ming's home phone number is 44444444. The phone rang at 12 o'clock in the middle of the night one day. Xiao Ming picked up the phone and the other end of the phone said in a miserable voice: " Is this 44444444? Can you call 110 for me? I’m so miserable! --- Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, don't come to me!" That person: "I can only call 44444444. I can't call anyone else." Xiao Ming was scared to death and hung up the phone quickly. He could only call to 44444444? Is it a ghost?!!! After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming didn't dare to answer it. But the phone kept ringing---Xiao Ming had to pick up the phone. It was the same person: "Is this 44444444?" ? Can you call 110 for me? My finger is stuck in the No. 4 button. It’s so miserable---"

9: Late one night, in a girls’ dormitory, a girl I was taking a shower when suddenly a cold wind blew and a female ghost floated to the female ghost.

Behind her, the female ghost patted her on the shoulder and said, "I---I'm so miserable! I don't have a face!!!" Girl: "What's so big about that?" Female ghost: "What do you mean by that?" "The girl turned around calmly and said to the female ghost: "I'm even worse, I have no breasts!!!"

10: I once rented a house. The rent of this house was low. It's hard to believe, but after I moved in, I found out that a couple of lovers lived here before I came. One day they had a big fight all night for some unknown reason, and no one saw the woman and the man again after that. After renovating the room, it disappeared. The neighbors once noticed that the man was always digging into the wall late at night, so they all thought that the girl was killed by the man and then built the body into the wall. Knowing this, I felt chills on my back. When I returned to my apartment, I checked everywhere, and finally stared blankly at a suspicious water stain on the wall opposite. The more it looked, the more it looked like a human shape. I was scared and curious, so I finally picked up a screwdriver and dug into the wall. Finally, I dug out the stain. A small hole was opened, and then I saw an eye looking at me. I collapsed to the ground in fear. The eye suddenly turned into a mouth again, and then began to speak: "Next door, you are fucking digging us up." What are the walls doing!?"

11: One night, a girl went back to the teaching building to get something. There was only dim light in the teaching building. When she walked to the toilet on the third floor, a very hoarse sound suddenly came from the crack of the toilet door. "I've been waiting for you for a long time!" The girl's scalp went numb, and she turned away in fear at the thought of the ghost. The voice behind her suddenly became furious: "Come back quickly! I didn't know that that bastard blocked the toilet door. I went out." Not going!"

12: The husband and his friends went home after drinking and went to bed. The next morning, the husband whispered to his wife: "Honey, I encountered a ghost last night." "Ah. ?Where did I meet you?" "In the toilet." "What's going on?" "I went to the toilet last night, but the light came on automatically as soon as I opened the door, and went out automatically as soon as I closed the door. There was also a cold wind. Come here." The wife said angrily: "Asshole! You drank too much and went to pee in the refrigerator again! #￥·---"

13: There was a man who was naturally timid. One day he worked overtime. He came home late. He only caught the last bus. He was very tired after working overtime for a day and fell asleep after a while. After a while, he woke up and looked around. Oh my God! There was not even a person around. It was gone. The driver, conductor, and passengers were all gone. He quickly looked outside the car and saw that the car was still driving slowly!@#$^^^amp; He jumped out desperately !At this time, he heard a roar from behind the car: "Damn! You want to fall to death!" He looked back and saw the driver, conductor and passengers all struggling to push the car.

14: In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path. Strangely enough, people often have accidents there. Not long ago, a young man and woman were hit and killed by a truck. One night, a 5-year-old child and his mother were Passing by there on the way home, the child suddenly said: "Mom! Look! There are two people on the telephone pole." The mother immediately felt creepy and saw the child pointing up. The mother looked up and saw a sign hanging on the telephone pole. Write: Traffic safety is everyone’s responsibility!

15: On the night train, I saw a woman waving to her and asked her to get on the bus. The woman seemed very friendly and handed her a very red apple. As soon as the driver took it, he heard The woman said: "I also liked eating apples when I was alive." "Wow & *$#@." The driver was so frightened that he braked suddenly and turned pale - when he saw the woman slowly put her head forward. He said to the driver: "But I don't like eating it after I gave birth to a child."

16: Because my brother was going to the overpass, he kept stepping on the accelerator to accelerate until he found an old woman crossing in front of him. It was too late to apply the brakes on the road! I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, with a pile of intestines flowing out from beside her, and red blood oozing out---some people started screaming--- Some were speechless. The brother's face was pale and he could not move in his seat. Suddenly the old woman stood up tremblingly, took out a torn plastic bag, picked up the intestines and said: "I just bought this Intestines, how can we eat these---"

17: One night, a brother

He saw a woman with long hair and a white dress waving to him on the side of the road, so he stopped and asked her to get in the car. Since he had just watched a ghost movie, he felt nervous, so he often used his rearview mirror to monitor the woman and drove the car. Suddenly, the driver discovered that the woman was missing! The driver was startled and quickly stepped on the brake! The woman appeared again, and her face was covered with blood, which was extremely scary. The driver was so frightened that he could not help but scream. At that time, the woman spoke: "Hey! Master, I was just afraid of being embarrassed by you, so I bent down and picked my nose. Who told you to brake so quickly! Look! It gave me a nosebleed!" "

18: A man went to the countryside to visit, and his relatives told him that there were ghosts in the toilets here, but as long as you didn't accept the ghosts' things, the ghosts wouldn't hurt you. At night, the man had severe diarrhea. I had no choice but to go to the toilet. As soon as the man squatted down, he heard the voice of the ghost: "Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?" The man knew that he could not accept things from ghosts, so he replied: "I always use it." Newspaper." After a while, the man ran to the toilet again. When the ghost saw it, he stretched out his hand and said: "You want Youth Daily News or Beijing Evening News?" "I always use sports newspapers. "Ghost:"---"The man went to the toilet for the third time in the night, but this time he was no longer afraid. The ghost asked: "Want it to lt;Basketball Pioneer>or lt;Football Weekly>?""--- But I---I just want to pee." the man said.

19: A classmate was about to write a diary, but found that the diary was used up. Although it was midnight, he still rode his bicycle in the dark After searching on the street for a long time, he finally found a bookstore and went in before it was closed. There was a diary that he liked very much, so he asked the boss how much it cost. The boss said in a deep voice: "This is imported, and the price is 70 yuan." ." The classmate said: "It's so expensive, but I only have 50 yuan." The boss said: "It doesn't matter, I'll count you 50 yuan." He was very happy and thanked him hurriedly, and the boss said in a low and sinister voice: "You buy it back. When the time comes, be sure not to open the last page, otherwise something terrible will happen. Don’t blame me for not reminding you!" The classmate said, "Yeah, I understand." He bought the diary and put it away. On the table in front of the window. At this time, he wanted to take a bath first and then come out to write in the diary. After taking a bath, he found that the window in front of the desk was opened, and the wind blew open the diary page by page--- Seeing that he was reaching the last page, he rushed to stop it but it was too late. The last page was still blown open by the wind. A terrible thing happened - the classmate screamed because he saw the last page written " Suggested retail price: 3 yuan."

20: Once upon a time, there was a man who loved his girlfriend very much. But one day his girlfriend left him ruthlessly. Seeing his girlfriend being held by others while shopping, he lost his mind. He killed his girlfriend. Originally, he planned to kill her and then commit suicide, but he couldn't do it. From then on, he was troubled by nightmares every night. In the dream, his girlfriend had disheveled hair, red tongue, and her fingers were like hooks, asking for his life. The nightmare He was tortured until he was as thin as a stick, so he had to find a Taoist priest for help. The Taoist asked him to do three things: first, bury his girlfriend's body properly. Second, burn the pajamas his girlfriend wore during his lifetime. Third, hide the corpse. He washed the bloody clothes after getting up. Everything must be completed before the third watch, otherwise he would be killed. He did everything very carefully according to the Taoist priest's instructions, but the bloody clothes could not be washed clean. He immediately It was almost the third watch, and big beads of sweat were dripping from his face. But no matter how much he rubbed, he couldn't wash it off. Suddenly, there was a strong wind, lightning and thunder, and the windows were shaken left and right by the strong wind. All the lights went out. , the whole room was dark. In the lightning, he saw his girlfriend wearing blood-stained pajamas, pointing at him with a ferocious face and saying sternly: "Do you know why the blood stains can't be washed away!? Because you didn't use Diao brand washing powder, idiot!" "(I have used it too, and the carved plaques are indeed clean)

21: A rich man received an unsigned letter, and he died before he could read it. The manager immediately reported the case when he found out. When the police came and saw the letter, he died on the spot. The police sergeant was experienced and determined that it was a poisonous letter. He wore a gas mask to read the letter, but he died on the spot without thinking. When everyone was helpless, the neighbor's child ran over and stole it. Look at that letter. After everyone found out, it was already too late to stop it.

.But the child was not dead. He said to his mother: "Mom, why is there not a single punctuation mark in such a long letter?"

22: After the masquerade, the guests removed it as required. His own disguise. A "mummy" asked the people next to him to help him untie his shroud---in the end, everyone only saw a pile of shrouds.

23: A tourist was taking shelter from the rain in an old house in the mountains, and a ghost threatened to harm him. A strong wind destroyed the old house, and both humans and ghosts fled. The man beat his chest and said, "You scared me to death!" The ghost also He beat his chest and said, "I'm scared to death!" The stranger asked, "Why did you die?" The ghost was ashamed.

24: At night, a sharp and tragic sound suddenly came from the water room of the girls' dormitory. Shouting. The other girls hurriedly picked up broom sticks and rushed into the water room. Only one girl was seen, holding a towel in her hand to clear her tears. Everyone hurriedly asked: "What's wrong?" "Is there a ghost?" "Where are you running to?" Are you going?" The girl was silent for a long time, just lowering her head and weeping. Her pitiful appearance made people heartbroken. After repeated questioning, the girl finally spoke: "I mistook the towel for washing my feet for washing my face - --"

25: I had insomnia around 1 a.m., so I took out my mobile phone in the dark to surf the Internet. Suddenly a text message ring rang. Who was sending text messages so late? I looked at it and it was an unfamiliar number. , content: You can't see me in the dark, but I'm staring at your face. "What the hell?! Damn it, harassing message!" Suddenly I felt creepy and looked around. It was pitch black, with only the screen of my phone covering my face. The light was very bright.

26: There was a man who had a miserable life. He was hit by a car and died when he was 30 years old. What was even worse was that he was thrown into hell. He was very dissatisfied and asked the judge: "I have never done anything wrong in my life, why am I going to hell?" The judge asked: "Who asked you to change your surname? You have been on the wrong path your whole life!" The man said: "But many people live a good life after changing their surname?" "Judge: "Hey --- but you shouldn't have changed your name to Zhao (wrong)?"

27: Late at night, an ugly-looking woman knocked on my door three times and recommended what products to me. .I was very annoyed: "If you dare to knock on the door again, I will be rude!!" A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door again. I opened the door, but it was a very beautiful woman. I asked politely: "Ms. , who are you looking for?" The woman said: "Brother, it's me!" As she said that, she pulled off her face, revealing her original ugly face: "I recommend this mask to you."

28: A woman with shawl hair was walking at night, followed closely by a gangster. The woman turned left and right and walked into an underground passage. The gangster accelerated and ran close to the woman's back. Whispering: "Don't move!" The woman stopped, but did not turn around. She turned her back to the gangster and slowly lifted her shawl hair. Unexpectedly, a pale face was revealed---she had been falling backwards. Walk!!!

29: Two people were walking face to face in an old house in the mountains. It was dark all around and they couldn't see their fingers. A suddenly asked: "Can you see me?" B said: "It's so dark. , If I could see you, wouldn't I become a ghost?" A said, "But, that's not right! Since you can't see me, why do you keep staring at my eyes when you talk?"

30: Four blind people chatted and made a suggestion: invite a model, and all four people will touch the model. Then they will tell what the model looks like. Finally, the model will judge who speaks the most accurately, and the other three people will treat each other. Soon The model was found, and the four of them started touching one by one. The first blind man said: "He is a young man, 1.8 meters tall, and has a beard." The second blind man said: "Wrong! It's obviously a young woman, 1.6 meters tall. She has long hair shawl." The third one said: "What! She is an old man, with a hunchback and a wrinkled face." The fourth one said: "What are you talking nonsense about? She is obviously an old lady! She also wears earrings." The four began to argue fiercely. , but the model said nothing. Suddenly, a blind man stopped arguing and stepped back step by step. The other three blind men also realized something, stopped at the same time, and ran out staggeringly ---

31: 1 A pair of lovers went to climb a snow-capped mountain with their classmates. When they were about to reach the top, the weather suddenly turned bad. But the students were in high spirits and insisted on going up. In the end, only the only girl stayed in the camp, and everyone else went up. She waited hard for three days. At dusk on the third day, they came back - but without her boyfriend. Those who came back were all pale. They said: Three days ago, when they reached the top, her boyfriend died. The girl cried at that time. The sky gradually faded. It was dark, and the people who had returned sat in a circle, staring at her secretly and laughing around her. Classmate A said: "He doesn't want to stay here alone, he will definitely

Come back to seize your soul. Don't be afraid, we will protect you!" The girl kept trembling. They kept sitting like that. At midnight, the girl's boyfriend suddenly rushed in! He took the girl's hand and ran out, and those People just stared blankly and didn't move. The girl was so frightened that she screamed and struggled hard. After running far away, her boyfriend said: "Three days ago, when they sprinted towards the top, all the people died, only He lives alone!"

32: A couple took a video of their son as a souvenir when he turned three. The three-year-old seemed very happy, jumping around in front of the camera. He jumped very high before landing. The couple was also very happy. However, before the video was finished, the little boy stuck out his tongue and died. One day a few years later, the couple missed their son, so they took out the video and watched it. Suddenly they found their son in the picture. It's not that he's jumping for joy, but a hand appears out of thin air on the camera, strangling his son's neck and pulling him up... The son was strangled to death!

33: A doctor is off work Then he took the elevator home from the 4th floor. He found that the elevator had stopped at the 4th floor. He opened the elevator and saw a female nurse standing with her head bowed inside. The doctor was a little puzzled but didn't think much about it. He pressed the button for floor 1 and the elevator started. We walked down. We arrived at the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st floors, but the elevator didn't stop. No matter how hard the doctor pressed, the elevator kept going down...it didn't stop until we reached the B4 floor. Suddenly the door opened, and a male patient wanted to enter. The doctor glanced at him and immediately closed the elevator door to prevent him from entering. The nurse looked at him coldly, and the doctor said in a panic: "You can't let him in! The B4 floor is the morgue of the hospital. You see that Are men wearing bracelets? That's a corpse bracelet worn only by dead people! The nurse suddenly yelled viciously: Is that a bracelet like this! Is that a bracelet like this! As she said that, she lifted up her sleeves and trouser legs. His arms and legs were actually covered with corpse rings!

34: A couple had a fierce quarrel. The husband was so angry that he strangled his wife to death. Instead of calling the police, he carried his wife’s body to the police station. It was buried in the backyard. He was afraid that the child would look for his mother when he came home. He thought of an excuse, but the child didn't ask about his mother for several days after he came home. The husband felt strange: "I haven't seen you for several days." Mom, why don't you ask?" Unexpectedly, the child said: "I see mom every day, she is always on your back, and now she is still looking at you and snickering, but mom's tongue is so long and scary. Dad, you Why are you carrying your mother on your back?" The husband turned around suddenly and saw nothing... but felt someone breathing on his neck.

35: A man picked up a stranger at work. On the phone, the other party only said one sentence: Something is missing from your house. The man hurried home to check after work, but found that nothing was missing. Originally, his house had a thick security door and a solid door. Anti-theft window. How could something be lost? He woke up suddenly at night and heard someone whispering softly under the bed: "Your key has been lost, ah---"

36 : A certain person went to hell, and the little devil led him to choose a room. The first room: a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water, all of them were skinned and bruised. A would not go in until he died. So he looked at the second room: people were bitten by wild beasts and their heads and feet were separated. A He also refused to go in. The third room: A group of people were drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspool. A thought it was acceptable, so he went there. After a while, the kid came in and said: "Everyone, after the afternoon tea is over, return to the handstand position immediately." !"

37: When I was in elementary school and I was crossing a bridge with my classmates, my classmates suddenly said, "Look, there are a lot of dead children in the water." I was timid and didn't dare to look, but I refused to recognize the bears. I held on. I took a look at my scalp---there was a used condom floating in the water. I was sweating---