On the spiritual growth of single-parent children from Love to the Sun

-a letter to the vast number of caring people

Tree hole? Reading the moon

A normal marriage begins with a good beginning, but sometimes it ends. The breakdown of any relationship between people is reasonable. If it is an absurd marriage, the result goes without saying.

The essence of marriage is a stable and long-term relationship between two adults, which is to form the same body of interests and meet each other's needs, mixed with numerous interests and complex feelings.

Ending a marriage must pay a corresponding price, which often leads to different degrees of harm in all aspects, especially for minor children in this relationship. Family education is very important for the formation of children's character. Children who grow up in a torn family environment will have some personality defects, and some mental injuries will even accompany them for life.

According to relevant surveys, mental diseases such as "problem children", "autism" and "depression" are closely related to the growth environment of patients. Children are the future of society and country. For these unfortunate children, can our society give corresponding help and reduce the harm they should not bear?

After visiting some single-parent families, the author found that the physical and mental health and development of single-parent children are imminent. I hope this article can attract the attention of all walks of life and solve them.

I. Premises and background

1. Analysis of social status:

With the rapid development of market economy, the pace of people's life is accelerating, and the divorce rate is increasing year by year.

According to incomplete statistics, the divorce rate in 2020 is 43.83%. There are more and more single-parent families because of the high divorce rate. According to the statistics of China Women's Federation, 67% of divorced families have children. During the investigation, a class teacher said that he had ten single-parent children in one class. Compared with the past, this huge group of children from divorced families is enough to attract the attention of all walks of life.

The reasons for the breakdown of adult marriage may be complicated or helpless in all aspects, but this unparalleled harm falls on these innocent single-parent children, and many people have paid attention to their lack and confusion in their growth.

2. The result of divorce:

Many women or men are hit by divorce, stimulation, hidden depression, hysteria, extreme behavior, irritability, schizophrenia and so on. People who have experienced this, no matter who the custody of the child belongs to, can give the child a normal environment and education.

After the divorce of ordinary families, economic problems will also become a factor that binds parents. How can single-parent children get enough care and companionship in this situation?

Second, the pain of the night, the damage of the soul.

We use the tree hole as a window to explore the personal privacy and secrets caused by those unknown marriages. They appear as senior intellectuals, military officers, business leaders, civil servants and ordinary workers during the day, but because of the failure of marriage, because of their reputation, face and jokes from relatives and friends, they hide their injuries in the dark, and the truth is always covered up by masks.

Every child is an angel who comes to earth. Under normal circumstances, there should be six relatives, grandparents, grandparents, parents, and the genetic inheritance and love of six people. Single parents will cause half or more children to lose love, and this imbalance comes from the mutual harm of adults.

Helpless: because of derailment, derailment, domestic violence, personality failure, etc. "No one will divorce easily unless absolutely necessary, especially with children", which is the common aspiration of all parties. "I spend my whole life smoothing the scars and shadows left by my childhood", which is the heartfelt words of an unfortunate family.

Hatred: most people divorce when they can't run in, property problems, children's tug-of-war, many of which are fights, and many women violently divorce at home, turning from relatives to enemies. "If I don't have children, I will kill that man." More than one person said that.

Love that is hard to give up;

A single parent said to his child, "The most terrible thing about divorce is that the person closest to you has become the person you hate the most." If one day, you have to divorce, don't instill the hatred of your parents into your children. When he needed love most, he was forced to hate the person he once liked best. Poor thing. "

This is a poem written by a mother on the way to give her one-year-old baby to each other:

Tearful eyes

In tearful eyes

Contains unspeakable expressions.

Scatter away all the way.

Only distressed

One-year-old angels "sing"

She soothed my swollen eyes.

The window into my heart

I shouldn't cry anymore.

My liberation has been his/her torture ever since.

Watching innocent babies

How can I tell the consequences of this doomed love?

Never implicate an ignorant baby in this world.

The helpless ending doomed this fate.

My baby will start a long and incomplete life in the future.

A baby's eye is crystal clear.

Tears glistened in one eye

Our telepathic communication

Be my window!

I can't help crying again.

Baby, we love you! Love you helplessly

You can only accept this undeserved fruit.

Whether we leave the ends of the earth

You are my eternal love and torture.

The parenting book also says so: don't spread hatred in children's hearts, and don't turn adult grievances into children's burdens. It is cruel for a child to choose between two people who love him/her, which leads to destruction. And let the child realize that if the biological parents don't love him/her, it will hurt the child as much as returning the child to the father.

Visiting problem: Although the law stipulates that single parents have the right to visit, it is the most painful thing for those who are unwilling or unable to bear the legal expenses, no matter who the custody belongs to.

There was a divorced man whose husband cheated on her and her child was eight years old. After the divorce, the man ran away with the children and hid. Women miss their children and leave their jobs for half a year. The whole person was stimulated. She can't see other people's children. How many years did it take to get back to normal life?

When the child divorced at the age of one, Party A set up a new family, saying that it was for the good of the child and would cut off the visit of Party B and his family forever.

One of them had to go to work after the divorce, and his father died early, leaving his mother alone to take care of the children. The old mother said with tears, "You know how difficult it is for me to take care of the children alone. This child has bound me forever and made me sick. " Children who could have been loved by six people fell on two shoulders.

There is a family where grandparents always take care of their children before divorce. After the divorce, they regarded each other as enemies. Not only did the man refuse to let his mother visit them, but also his grandparents refused to visit them. This family is miserable because they miss their children.

There are many single parents, and her children have already increased by 35, so she is afraid of getting married without a partner. There are many single-parent unmarried girls and boys, and their growing environment and education are self-evident.

Third, irretrievable kindness.

The analysis of good and evil of emotion says that emotion will affect the body, and the operation of a single organ will affect all other organs; The past will affect the present and the present will affect the future; The relationship with one person will affect the relationship with others. Why is the ability to forgive inseparable from goodwill? When it comes to forgiveness, the diversity of this internal interaction is particularly obvious. If we bear resentment, we can't be good, we can only be evil; If we are too stubborn to ask for forgiveness, we cannot be kind; If our feelings are distorted by guilt and resentment, we can't be kind. For most divorced people, it is impossible to reorganize their kindness because of resentment. Only when the past no longer dominates us can we be kind.

In a thousand words, parents are children's first teachers. If the teacher is a problem teacher or a problem parent, how many children can correct themselves when they grow up? There are many successful cases of single-parent inspiration in Kenning, but most of them are single-parent children of different ages, who have lost the balance of love and suffered different mental devastation.

Although both parents love their children, it is impossible for people who have experienced marriage failure, family cultural background, personal economy and maturity to have a sunny and warm home with their children.

Problem child: There is a mother whose child is only four or five years old. Occasionally I visit my children and find them quiet and unsociable. Hearing the noise, the child trembled unconsciously, and the mother cried with her child in her arms. What did the child go through?

There is a single-parent child, in the sixth grade, who has been hiding that he is a single-parent family at school. He is afraid of being discriminated against by his classmates. What will that child go through?

There is a boy who is active, rebellious and out of control. He is obviously a problem child. What did he go through?

Some single-parent families have increased by 35 because they hate men and women. They are afraid of marriage. How did they grow up?

"He loves me. Why didn't he come to celebrate my birthday? " Why doesn't my mother come back to my house after work? Why can't I see my mother?

When children become "problem children" because they can't stand the pressure.

Not only single-parent families, but also many make-do marriages from families have led to children's diseases. "I have never seen my parents talk normally, and they don't quarrel or talk. Why don't they get divorced? I grew up in panic. "

Associate professor with the rank of schoolmaster. His wife was cheated by others and gave the money to the liar. The family is heavily in debt, and Xueba is afraid to tell both parents that the children in Grade Two are not divorced. Can children be psychologically healthy in such a family environment?

The preference for children from a family has brought mental trauma to another child.

Fourth, the consequences of mental injury.

The psychological problems of children from unhappy families are as follows: 1, autistic 2, inferiority 3, self-reproach 4, anxiety 5, depression 6, jealousy 7, rebellion. Mental illness (long-term accumulation leads to physical illness) and behavioral deviation (hyperactivity, irritability, eating disorder, online love, puppy love, dropping out of school, rebellion, inferiority, arrogance, depression, schizophrenia, etc.). ) has never been an isolated and personal phenomenon. Especially in single-parent families, how many failed marriages eventually turned into hatred, and how many destructive divorces implicitly hurt children's young hearts. Some children have changed their temperament under the psychological stimulation of their parents' divorce. Some children suffer from mental illness under the influence of persistent strong negative emotions, such as emotional disorders, poor adaptability, personality defects, learning difficulties, poor social development and so on.

Where do the sources of autism, depression and mental illness come from? As the saying goes, only by defending in advance can we nip in the bud.

Education should bring people beauty, hope and strength, as well as confidence and motivation to change their destiny and win a wonderful life. In short, education is to awaken children's inner potential energy.

Cai Kangyong said, what is the most precious thing for parents to their children? Is to give them an ideal environment and let him become himself, not the person we want him to be.

Yes, a really good parent is not to let the child be a copy of his parents, nor to let him live according to his parents' wishes, but to let him be himself.

A class teacher said: the lack of love will lead to some inferiority complex, becoming timid, suspicious, crying, insecure, and rarely having a bright smile on his face. Children from single-parent families are really vulnerable emotionally. I seldom see several single-parent children in my class happy. Their faces will always be the same and their emotions will never appear. They left me more: timid, crying, not active, not confident. I really hope that all children can have complete love from their parents and a complete family. Now, more and more people realize that parents should not be completely separated from their children when couples divorce. They see that one of the most destructive effects of divorce on children is the loss of one of their parents in reality.

How to solve the above problems? See those who donate blood, those who donate money to poor children who are not married after divorce, those who donate money to children of single-parent families and so on. It is touching and admirable. Are you concerned about the healthy mental development of some single-parent children? I hope love can shine on the earth like sunshine.

The following is a rough suggestion. I hope this proposal can attract the attention of people of insight from all walks of life.

Five, the "love Xiangyang" school brief planning

? For the healthy growth of single-parent families and problem children, the "Love Sunward" Education Foundation was established. The Foundation consists of Ma, Wang, Dong, Zhang and other caring fathers who are enthusiastic about education and people with economic strength and social reputation. Recruit basic professionals in sociology, psychology, education, law, management and other fields as managers, and set up special boarding kindergartens and schools.

Objective: Considering the mental health of children from single-parent families, we will set up boarding schools for children from kindergarten to high school in various cities.

Teachers are organized in the form of loving parents (father Wang and mother Deng), ranging in age from three-year-old kindergarten to eighteen-year-old high school graduation. We build a bridge between parents and children in divorced families to make the relationship between parents and children more harmonious. At the same time, through our efforts, improving children's psychological state can reduce the burden on families, especially the psychological burden of divorced parents. Basically, it is a boarding school, but the difference is to pay attention to spiritual care and balanced love.

Give your child a normal family. You can take your children home every Saturday and Sunday. In order to avoid seeing divorced enemies (mom's home for a week, dad's home for a week), let the children enjoy the warmth of the family.

Pre-planning site selection: there are no good private schools in diploma factories. It can be transformed into "Love Xiangyang School" through acquisition or merger.

Teachers: In addition to normal teachers, we should also recruit caring teachers and caring class teachers, and life teachers who know psychology, as parents to manage the educational life.

Enrollment plan: Divorced families can enroll their children as long as one party applies. Can be publicized to the women's Federation street office to recruit children from single-parent families; 6 relatives in family of origin, 2 of whom can be collected upon application; Provide psychological counseling services to children over three years old, and all children with problems can recruit.

Special arrangement: the school has set up a legal agency and reached an agreement with parents to pick up the children every Saturday, go to dad's house for a week and go to mom's house for a week. In this way, divorced couples don't have to meet each other, but can go directly to school to see their children, grandparents and grandparents. Let the children get the love of six people naturally and evenly. Solve the children's lack of love, and at the same time reduce the mutual harm and homesickness of adults.

Social care; Encourage the elderly, donors, dink families, etc. who like children. We should actively participate in activities that love the sun, sign an agreement with our children to form a temporary home in winter vacation or summer vacation, experience the education of love and companionship respectively, and let happiness accompany everyone. Let children feel the care from society and family, establish self-confidence, cultivate healthy, cheerful and optimistic personality, and then improve psychological problems and set sail for the road of life.

Grateful feedback: Students who graduated from Xiangyang with love can take out one month's salary in their first year of work to thank the school and pass on their love.

Thomas Carlyle, an English writer, once said, "People who have not cried in the middle of the night are not enough to live." . The author investigated the secrets of many single-parent families, and only with the support of many single-parent families did he write this article sadly, because there are more examples, so I won't state them one by one. A Mu's song "But on Earth" is deeply rooted in people's hearts and makes many people cry, because it reflects people's real life. A father said: I just want to live a real life and be kind to everything. I didn't expect that it was unfortunate but innocent to knock at the door. Some people were originally kind, because they got married, they made unexpected abnormal things, and some wanted to commit suicide several times because of the separation of mother and child, so they couldn't get out of the swamp of love and hate.

Although the author makes an understatement, when I see those helpless, hateful and miserable single-parent groups and those old people who can't see the sorrow of their children and grandchildren, especially those innocent children whose hearts are destroyed, I decide to appeal to the society, education circles, women's federations and capable people to pay attention to the spiritual health and care of angels.

Take care of the elderly at the age of three and raise the people at the age of ten. Please save those children who grew up in hatred, lack of love and loneliness, and set up "Love Xiangyang Foundation" as soon as possible. It is best to set up a chain school management model in every city to spread the sunshine to every corner. Let happy and kind people accompany the hard lessons of the family, so that "happy families are similar, and unfortunate families can also go to the sun."

An ant can't shake a tree, and the power of a group of ants can't be underestimated. This paper appeals through this platform for the people, hoping that more people will participate and pay more attention to the growth and health of these children. This article appears in the form of the first letter of Love to the Sun. I hope more people will participate and make suggestions. I believe that the letter or story or comment "Love to the Sun" will attract attention from all walks of life. I believe that the world is full of true feelings, and we are acting!

{This article has been supported by many single-parent families, and perhaps the survey of divorced families is not comprehensive. There are many outstanding talents from single-parent families. Please forgive the unfair cognition this article has brought you.