English humor jokes for 5 minutes

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English humor jokes for 5 minutes

1. Give some advice to people who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old, never move to a retirement community. Everyone else is in their 70s, 80s or 90s. So, when something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they will shout, "Take the child away."

Here I want to give some advice to those who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old, don't enter the retirement community. Because everyone there is seventy or eighty years old or eighty or ninety years old. Whenever they want to move, lift or load something, they shout, "Let the little one do it."

2. Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I ran into the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's good. Who is fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

Mom: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I just ran into the street to stop a fight?

Mom: You did the right thing. Who is fighting with whom?

Freddie: Me and Jack Smith.

A famous priest and the elders of his parish attended an out-of-town meeting, which didn't end until very late. They decided to get something to eat before going home, but unfortunately, the only place still open is a shabby bar and barbecue shop with a bad reputation.

After dinner, an elder asked the priest to say a prayer of gratitude. "I don't want to," said the priest. "I don't want him to know I'm here."

A famous priest and several old people in his parish attended a foreign meeting until dark. They plan to eat something before going home. But unfortunately, only one restaurant with a bad reputation is open.

After dinner, an old man asked the priest to pray. "I think I will pass," said the priest. "I don't want the Lord to know that I am here."

Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Was it right for me to lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Should I lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Otherwise, he should borrow it from me.

5.

I accompany my husband on a business trip. He took his laptop with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the box. The door was locked, and the man waited patiently while my embarrassed spouse tried to remember the password. At last he succeeded.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked him.

These figures are the dates of our wedding anniversary. My husband admitted it.

I accompanied my husband on a business trip, and he took his laptop. The inspector at the airport exit asked him to open his bag. He waited patiently for my embarrassed husband to try to remember the combination of hidden locks. At last he remembered.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked him.

"This password is our wedding anniversary." He admitted.

6. An old lady who was deaf and thought everything was too expensive walked into a shop and asked the clerk, "How much are these things?"

Seven dollars, madam. It's very cheap. The lady said, "It's too expensive. Give me 14 yuan." I didn't say seventeen dollars, but seven dollars.

"It's still too expensive," the old lady replied. "Give me five dollars."

An old lady is deaf and always thinks things are too expensive. She walks into a shop.

She asked the clerk, "How much is this thing?"

"Seven dollars, madam, which is very cheap." The old lady said, "It's too expensive. Fourteen dollars is almost the same. "

The clerk quickly said, "I didn't say seventeen, it was seven."

"It's still too expensive," said the old lady. "I'll buy it for five dollars."

7. Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

Tom: I just took some medicine, but I forgot to shake the bottle.

Mom: Why do you keep jumping up and down?

Tom: I just took the medicine, but I forgot to shake the bottle first.

8. One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.

My husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

One night, I drove my husband's car to go shopping. When I came back, I found the car was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

Mr. Johnson: Will you use the lawn mower this afternoon?

Mr. Smith: Yes.

Mr. Johnson: OK. Since you don't need a tennis racket, can I borrow it?

Mr. Johnson: Are you going to use the lawn mower this afternoon?

Mr. Smith: Yes.

Mr. Johnson: Great. Since you don't need a tennis racket, can I borrow it?

10. Mary hated her husband smoking so much that she complained to him one day.

I hope all cigarette factories will catch fire one day.

Don't worry, honey. All cigarettes will catch fire sooner or later. He said with a smile.

Mary hated her husband's smoking so much that she complained to him one day, "I hope all cigarette factories will catch fire one day."

"Don't worry, dear, all the cigarettes will be lit sooner or later." He said with a smile.