Ask for three jokes

1

Cao Chuanzhong

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst ... Can you swim ... I can't ... "

2

Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby, which may be there in a moment ... "

Soldier: "Oh ... there are plums to eat ... Oh! ! ! "

in half an hour

Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally have water to drink ... "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

three

Cheng Xia

Sima Yi: "The sound of the piano is very chaotic! Kill the city and capture Zhuge Liang alive! "

Shang Cheng

Qin Tong: "I told you not to play that sonorous rose. I didn't listen ... "

Jian Tong: "Impossible, the teacher is a fan of Yi Lian ..."

Zhuge Liang: "First, throw you two into the city to die ..."

four

Zhong Jun tent

Zhuge Liang (wearing glasses and opening the name book): "Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..........."

Zhuge Liang (holding glasses and looking at the name book carefully): "Where is Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..........."

Wei Yan: "Strategist ... Zhang Yide, right? Is Zhang Yide ... "

Zhuge Liang: "........"

five

Changbanpo

Cao Hong: "Look, Prime Minister! That enemy general is back! "

Xia Houdun: "Today is the seventh time. Isn't he tired?"

Cao Cao: "Damn it ... I won't stop until I kill all my men!" " ! ? "

Zhao Yun, who fought in the chaotic army, said, "Zhang Fei is XXXX! Let me go to the back of the house, don't give me a map. ..................................................................................................................................................................

six

Zhou Yu: "Born in He Shengliang ... Born in He Shengliang ..." ...

Reader: "Are you kidding ... As the commander-in-chief of the Soochow Armed Forces, how could you say such trivial things on his deathbed?" ? ! "

Luo Guanzhong: "Cheap ..."

So, in some lost versions of the Three Kingdoms, Zhou Yu shouted before he died-"Eighteen years later ... Lao Tzu was still a hero ..."

seven

Wuzhangyuan

Jiang Wei: "Teacher, I'm back! Today, I bought three pence a cart of celery and four pence five barrels of rice ... huh? Why are there seven lights on in the room? Lamp oil is very expensive now, and the military grain and oil subsidy does not include kerosene ... what! ? Three days and three nights! Still not going out? You can't live! ? Wow ... look at the big one in the middle ... put it out. Well, you see, the light is already on ...:) Oh, by the way, what did you want to say to me just now, teacher? "

The superstar fell down. ...

eight

The story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "I just want to hear your truth. Which one do you love more?" ! ? "

The story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "Answer me!"

Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide. ..................................................................................................................................................................

Lu Bu: "Scum! ! "

-According to research, the first BL murder case in China history occurred in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. ...

nine

Zhang Fei: "Stop, old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ... you are surrounded ... Drop your weapon ..."

10

Sanjiangkou

Sun Shangxiang: "It's Ding Feng and Xu Sheng's people. My brother must have sent them to kill us! What should I do, husband? "

Liu Bei: "Oh, when I left Jingzhou, the military adviser gave me three tricks, and I have already used two. Now it's time to use the third one, Zilong. Open the prompt! "

Zhao Yun: "Yes." (opens) "Oh? There is a blue tights and a red cloak in it? ! "

Liu Bei: "Don't ..."

Zhao Yun: "There is also a note ... If you become Superman, you can repel enemy soldiers ..."

-Liu Bei returned to Jingzhou and exiled Zhuge Liang. ...

1 1

Liu Bei: "Yun Chang, let me introduce you. This is my great benefactor, Liu An. When I was in trouble, he skillfully acted as a wife to cut meat to support me. "

Liu An: "Nothing ..."

Guan Yu: "But he obviously raises pigs at home. Why ... "

Liu Bei: "Have you forgotten? I am a Muslim ... "

Guan Yu: "..."

-Guan Yu Liu Bei cut his robe and broke his righteousness ...

12

Jiangdong Wuhou mansion

Liu Bei: "The sky is above and the earth is below. If Liu Bei can return to Jingzhou and realize his ambition, one sword and one stone will split him in two ... "

"hey!"

-The stone is broken.

Sun Quan: "Uncle, what are you doing?"

Liu Bei: "Well ... Oh, I just asked God for a divination. If I can break Cao Xinghan, the sword will cut the stone. Indeed as expected ha ha ha ha ... "

Sun Quan: "Don't pretend to be a grandson with me! Cut down our rockery as if nothing had happened! ? "

13

Soldier: "Report ... General Guan will raise the flag and return home victorious!" " "

Liu Bei: "Brave enough! Ah blare ... "

Zhang Fei: "There are two sons! Glug ... "

Guan Yu: "Big Brother, I'm back .................."

Liu Bei: "Well, I'm sorry, my third brother and I have already had lunch."

Guan Yu: "-_-b ..."

A year later.

Hu Lao handed the money

Marotta: "Master Xiang! A big red face came in and cut off General Hua's head and flew away! "

Dong Zhuo: "Hey! ! How cruel! ? "

Allied camp

Liu Bei: "Yun Chang has been moving faster and faster recently ..."

Zhang Fei: "Well, the wine is still warm ..."

Guan Yu: "Ah, ah, ah ............."

14

Si Mahui: "Ah!"

Liu Bei: "Sir, what's the matter?"

"Your monarch's mount seems to be the legendary fierce mahr. If you don't give up, you will suffer in the future. "

Liu Bei: "Thanks for reminding me, but I don't believe in superstition."

-after Liu Bei left

Linzhi: "Dad, did you get the white horse you wanted ..."

Si Mahui: "Don't worry …"

Zhao Yun: "Is anyone at home? Have you ever seen my master ... "

Si Mahui: "Hey? General, your mount seems to be the legendary fierce horse' Lu' ... "

15

Ma Chao: Who is the enemy general? Come out and die!

Xu Zhu: Yo, who should I be? It is you. Come on, we have a game today.

Ma Chao: Let's race. Come on! Rock, scissors, paper, I won.

Xu Zhu: Shit, slow down!

Ma Chao: I am willing to admit defeat and take off my clothes!

Xu Zhu: OK, you wait (take off your armor). Rock, cloth, scissors. Shit, how did I lose again ~

Ma Chao: You are stupid. Take it off again.

Xu Zhu: (takes off his helmet) Rock, scissors and cloth! Shit, what day is it today? How can you lose until now!

Ma Chao: Take it off again.

Xu Zhu: (takes off his underwear), I'm not wearing a shirt! Rock, cloth, scissors! .................

Ma Chao: Take off your pants!

Xu Zhu: Son, you are cruel. I'll let you go today! Withdraw your troops! !

-Later generations called this war Xu Zhu naked war horse super.

16

Changbanqiaoqian

Yan Ming: Who's that on the other side?

Subordinate: That's Zhang Fei.

Yan Ming: What does Zhang Fei do?

Subordinate: I heard that meat sellers.

Yan Ming: Shit, a butcher came to fight. Watch me take care of him easily! I'll take a sip of water first.

Zhang Fei shouted at the opposite side: Hello! ! !

Yan Yan was unprepared and died of suffocation.

Zhang Fei's men: The general is so powerful that he scared the enemy to death.

Zhang Fei: Nonsense, I used to shout that every day when I was selling meat.