I need someone to translate a joke. Urgent! ! ! ! !

A soldier was discharged. As soon as he's back in town his friend hooked him up with a girl friend. Right before he went out the door, his friend offered a lot of advice: " you may have been through a lot in the battlefield, but there are certain things you just have to listen to me."

"First, you must open the door for her after you get out of the car."

"Second, you should help her to her seat when sitting down at dinner."

"Third, you should look at her gently when she speaks."

" Fourth, whatever she needs, you should jump ahead and do it for her. Don't let her do it herself"

The soldier acknowledged and took off.

The next day when his friend called to find out how he did the night before. The soldier sadly said " I'm hopeless."

So his friend asked him: "Did you forget to open the car door for her?"

The soldier replied: "No, I did open the door for her and she was pleased."

His friend asked again: "Did you forget to help her to her seat?" "

The soldier replied: "No, I did help her to the seat, she said I was a gentleman."

The friend pressed on: "Were you then looking around when she talked?"

Soldier said: "No, I kept staring at her, she said I was sweet and my eyes were charming."

Finally, the friend asked: "well then, did you let her do something on her own?"

The fr

ustrated soldier went "It would've been fine if it were that. When we got home she said she was thirsty so I went to get her some soda."

His friend said "Way to go!"

Soldier went on: "But out of my years of habit, the moment I pulled the tab I threw the can at her, and hid behind the bushes..."