Who can find me some jokes about civilized manners?

One day, my son, who just turned two, came home from kindergarten. The child was bored sitting in the back seat of a bicycle, so I said, "Hey, son, I'll make a word. Can you make a sentence for my father?"

"ok, you go ahead," he said.

"delicious", I said.

"delicious, my ass!" He blurted out after my voice?

speed

a man was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a man rushing in, and it was suddenly stormy.

"Dude, I really envy you, so fast."

"What do you envy? I haven't taken off my pants."

I didn't betray my wife

One night, my husband came back from dinner and happily said to his wife, "Today, the manager of our company invited some employees to dinner, and everyone drank heartily. During the dinner, the manager took out three bottles of whisky and said to everyone,' All of you here, who has never betrayed his wife in your life, these three bottles of wine belong to him, and none of them raised their hands. Do you think it is strange? "

The wife asked curiously," Then why don't you raise your hand? "

The husband said in a panic, "You know, I always prefer beer to whisky."

knowledge and money

father and son saw a very luxurious imported car.

son: people who ride this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!

Father: People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!

speechless

after dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together in the kitchen.

Father and son are watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence.

son: mom must have broken it!

father: how do you know?

son: she didn't swear!

Chinese and foreign students

are both primary school students, but their future wish is to be clowns.

Miss China: No ambition! You can't teach a boy!

Foreign teacher: May you bring laughter to the whole world!

The feeling of crossing

My wife is cooking in the kitchen. The husband caught one beside her: slow down and be careful! The fire is too big. . . . Hurry up and turn it around, there is too much oil!

wife: I know how to cook.

husband: I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving. . . .

a bus without a driver

a bus full of passengers is moving fast down the downhill road, and a man is running after it. A passenger stuck his head out of the window and the person chasing the car said, dude! Forget it! You can't catch up! The man replied, I must catch up with it. I am the driver of this car! !

New neighbor

A: The new neighbor is so hateful that he came and knocked on my door at midnight last night.

b: did you call the police immediately?

a: no. I think they are crazy and continue to play my trumpet.

bumping into a pig

Zhang San was driving on a mountain path. While he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, suddenly the truck driver who came face to face rolled down the window and shouted: Pig!

The angrier Zhang Sanyue thought, she rolled down the window and shouted: You are the pig!

As soon as he finished cursing, he ran head-on into a group of pigs crossing the road!

father and son

little boy: whether a father knows more than a son.

father: of course!

little boy: who invented the electric light?

father: Edison!

Little boy: Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?

Whose problem

Three engineers went out in a car and the car broke down on the way.

the mechanical engineer asked: is there something wrong with the engine?

the electrical engineer asked: is there a problem with the circuit?

the computer engineer said, let's go out first and then come in to see if it will get better.

hinder

coach: There are two things that hinder you from becoming a good football player.

player: what is it?

coach: your left foot and right foot.

Pairs

In order to punish a group of disobedient students, the teacher made a pair for the students to be right, and they were not allowed to go home.

The teacher said, "It doesn't rain when it snows in the sky, but it turns into rain when it hits the ground. It's more troublesome when it turns into rain, so it might as well rain at the beginning.".

A student replied, "Sir, if you don't eat shit when you eat, it will turn into shit when you eat. It's much trouble when you eat shit. It's better to eat shit at the beginning."