Simple English jokes

1. Wife: Look. According to the statistics in the newspaper, 80% people who died of liver cancer have drunk alcoholic beverages.

Husband: Never mind. According to my investigation, all people eat.

Wife: Look at this newspaper. According to statistics, 80% people who died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.

Husband: What's the matter? According to my investigation, 100% people who died of liver cancer eat it.

2. "Sorry, the seat you are sitting in is mine."

"You? Can you prove it? "

"Yes, I put a cup of ice cream on it."

"Sorry, you took my seat."

"Your position? Can you make it clear? "

"Yes, I put a cup of ice cream in my place."

3. "I had an operation," a man said to his friend. "The doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" Does the friend say it hurts? "

"No, but I'm always thirsty!"

A man said to his friend, I had an operation and the doctor left a sponge in my body after the operation. ?

? That's terrible! ? The friend said:? Do you feel pain?

? No, but I always feel thirsty. ?

A conductor was about to signal the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" He shouted. "Please close the door!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she replied.

"Please close the door," the guard shouted. "I'll take care of the rest."

A conductor had just signaled the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open carriage door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

? Hurry up, miss! ? He shouted:? Please close the door. ?

? Oh, I haven't kissed my sister goodbye yet. ? She replied.

? Would you please close the door? The conductor said, I'll take care of the rest. ?

;