Who can tell me some cold jokes! Your cold is freezing me ~ ~

1. The cat greets the cow. The cow teased the cat and said, You have a beard so young! The cat was very angry and said, why don't you wear a bra when you are so old? 2. Why are you so childish? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears? ! 3. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans. I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This may be very sad ... 5. Sit on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie down tomorrow, stay up the day after tomorrow ... Exercise, sometimes it's as simple as that. 6. I know I'm not a handsome guy, but someone saw my full moon photo and said my left nostril was idolized. 7. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. That's what I'm saying ... 9. Don't call your child rabbit, because it's not good for parents from a genetic point of view. 10, the real steamed bread is omnipotent. You can eat it when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it ... 1 1. When a man says inner beauty, he means inside the bra, not inside. 12 However, I read the so-called criteria for contemporary women to choose a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead. Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: the family property is over 100 million yuan, the beauty is the best in the world, virtuous and gentle and sexy, and my father-in-law has terminal cancer ... 13. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively. 14, except for one item, all the other columns are well filled in. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "nervous" 15, I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her. 16, my father hit me twice today, the first time because I saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood. 17, my principle is: I won't attack if people don't attack me; If someone attacks me, I will be angry! 18, man, to be honest, you really can't drink while driving. Hiccup ... if we hit a telephone pole, the wine will spill. What a pity! 19, a young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "20. If happiness is a cloud and pain is like a star. At that time, my life was really cloudless in Wan Li, full of stars ... 2 1, man, upper body is cultivation, lower body is essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap. 22. On Valentine's Day, I turned around and found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school, and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you drink half first, and I will put the rest in my arms to keep you warm ... A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night. I am in a bad mood today. Last night's text message let me know that the girl I secretly love has fallen, and even told me that she paid 400 yuan at a time ... At that time, I was very sad and rummaged through my wallet: so I was even sadder, and I didn't even have the capital to fall with her once ... 24. Being single is painful, and being single for a long time is even more painful. I saw a sow the other day, and I think its eyes are very good ... 26. Two drunks drove at a gallop. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. "B:" What? Don't you drive? "27. After dinner, I smoked on the balcony and enjoyed it. Suddenly I saw a flash of light in the night sky, and I was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once ... I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes and threw the cigarette out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish quickly ... "28. A foreigner who has learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom! ""29. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to make her work as a scarecrow in a cornfield to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

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