What are the funny jokes and allegorical sayings in up?

First, there was a kissing scene on TV, and the father asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there was a kissing scene on TV. Dad asked his son to pour another glass of water. The son asked, Dad, are you thirsty at the sight of someone kissing?

Second,? A mental patient was writing something when the dean came over and asked him, "What are you writing?" Patient: "Write a letter!" Dean: "To whom!" Patient: "Write it to myself!" Dean: "What did you write!" Patient: "You pig, how do I know what it is?"

A new car with the sign "Don't kiss me" was hit by a car behind, and the driver demanded 600 yuan. The perpetrator said: "If you hit it, it will cost 600 yuan. Too cruel! " ! The driver said: it was your first kiss, and the cost was of course high!

Fourth, mom: "Baby, let me test you." Baby: "ok, you can take the exam!" " "Mom:" 1+ 1 What is it? "Baby:" equals two "Mom:" Correct answer, two points for you! "Baby:" Ah, if I had known, I would have said it was equal to 3.

The tortoise laughed at the weasel and said, "Sneaking around is stealing chickens and touching dogs." The weasel said, "You'd better mind your own business!" Wearing a green hat and laughing at others all day. "