Collect jokes!

...Complaints of three ghosts

One day they met God while shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped that they would go to heaven! God said helplessly that there are too many residents in heaven and it is already full. But now there is still a spot! You tell me, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So,

the first ghost started to say...

I was a cleaner when I was alive. Very hard work! Busy from morning to night!

One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work at high altitudes where you're hanging outside! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell! I thought, it's over! Dying! But my survival instinct made me grab unconsciously! Fortunately, I caught a balcony railing on the 13th floor. I thought, there is hope! So I wanted to wait until I calmed down and then climb up! Unexpectedly, someone suddenly grabbed my hand and I fell down again! I thought, now I'm really finished! However, my fate should not have been decided. There was a tent underneath to catch me. I am glad that I must have accumulated good deeds in my previous life! I want to wait until I feel better before going down. Unexpectedly, a refrigerator fell from above and hit me to death!

The second ghost said...

I was a clerk during my lifetime. Everything is fine, I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a bit watery. I have a mild heart condition. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife with disheveled hair and disheveled clothes. There must be an adulterer. So I searched all over the house, the kitchen, and the toilet, but couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing. I thought: Adulterer! So he took his hand away. I thought, 13th floor! See if I can kill you! When I saw it, he was not dead! Caught by the tent! I was anxious, so I searched all over the house. When I entered the kitchen, I found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I was so happy! Laughing endlessly. Unexpectedly, I laughed so much that my heart stopped and I died laughing!

The third ghost said...

I was a gangster when I was alive, but I didn’t do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend’s house! Just after finishing her work, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched in the kitchen and the toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in the refrigerator! I don’t understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator, and he actually threw the refrigerator from the 13th floor! I just threw the refrigerator to death!

One day the geography teacher asked the students, where does the river flow?

A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.

The teacher ignored him and continued, how many stars are there in the sky?

The classmate sang again: The stars in the sky are in the Big Dipper.

The teacher was furious: Get out of here!

Student: Let’s go if we say so.

The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick?

Student: You have it, I have it all!

Teacher: Please say one more thing...

Student: When you see injustice on the road, let out a roar ah!

Teacher: Do you believe that I will beat you?

Student: Take action when it’s time to take action...

Teacher angry: I’ll make you drop out of school!

Student: Traveling across Kyushu like crazy.

Tang Monk: We should find a shortcut for this Buddhist scripture study!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse!

Bajie: Shenliu is faster!

Sha Monk took out a gun: I heard that this thing will send people to the West immediately.

A priest was playing golf, and a nun was watching. The first shot missed, and the priest cursed: "TMD, missed!" He hit again, and the priest cursed again: "TMD, again. Missed!" The nun said, "As a priest, God will punish you for swearing." As soon as he finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he kill the nun? At this time, God's voice was heard from the sky: "TMD, I missed the target too!"

One day, Clinton's wife Chirac was taken to see God, and she found a hanging hanging in God's living room. There are many watches, and some of these watches run fast and some run slowly.

So she asked the servant of God: "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go at the same speed?"

The servant of God said: "These watches represent human life , Everyone in the world has a similar watch. If he has many affairs, his watch will run faster, and if he has no affairs, his watch will run slower."

After hearing this, Chirac said. He looked around and said, “Why don’t you see my husband Clinton’s watch?” God’s servant said, “God took your husband’s watch to the office and used it as an electric fan!

Speaking of the Olympic Games After returning home with a disastrous defeat, there was an uproar in the country. It was rumored that a certain B social gang wanted to kill all the members of the Olympic Games because of losing money in gambling. Tan Wangsong, who was timid at first, was particularly scared, so he came up with an idea to dress up as a blonde beauty and escape from the hotel. He saw an old beggar woman on the street and gave her 100 yuan: "Do you know who I am? "The old beggar woman didn't even raise her head: "Tan Wangsong. "Tan was shocked. He hurried back to the hotel, dressed up as a black-haired old lady, came back and gave the old beggar woman 100 yuan again: "Do you know who I am? "Tan Wangsong!" "The old beggar woman still said the answer at once. Wangsong was really scared this time. He took out another 1,000 yuan and said to the old beggar woman: "If you tell me, how did you see this? The money is all yours. "The old beggar woman lazily raised her head, took the money and whispered: "Shh! Keep your voice down, my name is Zheng Zhi. ”

A woman couldn’t get married because of her small breasts. One day during a blind date, she said to a man: “Do you dislike my small breasts?” The man said, "Is it as big as a steamed bun?" "The woman said yes!

On the bridal night, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber, knelt down and looked up to the sky and shouted: "Oh my god, Wangzai little steamed bun!" "

One day, in a pub, there were three men having sex.

A said: "My wife and I came four times last night. In the morning, my wife and I came "Husband, I admire you so much." B said, "I came here with my wife six times yesterday, and the next morning my wife said she would never fall in love with anyone else again."

Everyone asked C. : "How many times did you and your wife come last night?" C said: "Once." Everyone asked disdainfully: "What did your wife say to you this morning?" C said: "Husband, let's take a rest, okay? ! ”

A couple finally had time to go to the zoo together, and the wife kept clamoring to see the tigers.

The husband was very reluctant: he watched it every day at home... .........

The prostitute said: We are destined to meet each other thousands of miles away. Is two hundred yuan expensive?

The client said: There is always love in thousands of rivers and mountains, and fifty yuan is not expensive. Can one dollar be enough?

The prostitute said: How many times the spring breeze blows through Yumen Pass, it will cost at least one hundred and three.

The client said: There is no grass anywhere in the world, and I will not do anything over eighty. !

The prostitute said: There is freedom and true love in the world, so I will bring 90 yuan today!

The prostitute said: I will bet my youth on tomorrow, anything less than 100 yuan is considered rape!

The coach asked God: "When will the Chinese team qualify?" God looked at the coach and said seriously: "I think this will be enough." The coach exclaimed: "Are you making fun of me? "God roared: "You took advantage of me first!"

Spain said he passed the ball well, and the Argentinians laughed

Argentina said he was very skilled, but the Brazilians laughed. Just laughed

Brazil said he was in good health, and the English laughed

England said he was fast, and the Dutch laughed

The Netherlands said he was tall High, the Germans laughed

Germany said he defended well, and the Italians laughed

Italy said he had many black whistles, and the Chinese laughed

The Chinese team said he could play football, and the whole world laughed

Fans from South Korea, Japan, and China went to heaven after their death. Koreans ask God: When will Korean football win? God: Waiting for 100 years. Koreans cried and said: My child will not be able to see it. Japanese people ask: When will Japanese football win? God: Waiting for 200 years. The Japanese cried and said: My grandson will never be seen. Chinese people ask God: When will Chinese football win? God cried and said: I can't see it

If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are mean, they will be invincible.

A ruthless man makes a country stable

A patient yelled: I am the dean, you all have to listen to me! ! !

The attending doctor and nurse asked him: Who said that?

He replied: God said so.

At this time, a patient next to him suddenly jumped out and said: I never said that!

The little white rabbit was walking in the forest when he met the big bad wolf walking towards him. He came up and gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I want you not to wear a hat." . The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you can beat her up, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Fuck, I told you not to wear a hat."

The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It’s so damn scary...

The first line: The name of the person I love has its owner; the second line: The person who loves me is miserable; horizontal comment: Life is hard and life is hard

Congratulations to you If you win the grand prize, please go to the People's Bank of China with your saber, shotgun, and cannon at 10 o'clock tonight to claim it with your face covered.

A bachelor takes his wife. When they were having sex, the stickman said: One gun has two bullets, and he has not participated in the war for 27 years. My wife was not convinced after hearing this: A temple with two doors, no one has entered in 31 years

There was a snowstorm during the Chinese New Year

The bull market collapsed

Stay Personal photos, nude photos

Going on a trip, riots

Take a plane, stop sailing

Take a train, derailed

Staying At home, there was an earthquake

My salary was paid and all was donated

2008 was too abnormal, everything was abnormal, but at the critical moment, the Chinese men’s football team stepped forward and used practical methods to The act of losing proved to the world: The Chinese men’s football team is still normal!