Jokes about the bright moon in Qin Dynasty

1 The Mohist tycoon has a reward order: you can get 5 taels of silver if you catch ten Qin Jun! You can get 5 million taels of silver if you catch one of the six people in Guigu.

One day, Tianming and Nie Gai woke up and found themselves surrounded by Wei Zhaung and his men, 3, Qin Jun.

tianming: "Uncle, wake up. We are rich! "

(Little White Mom: If you can fight, you will really make a fortune; if you can't fight, you will make a fortune)

2 Wei Zhaung gave a thought report at the ceremony of inheriting Guigu Gate:

"... I am the son of the people of Guigu."

Nie Gai suddenly said, "I'm from Guigu."

(Little White Mom: No wonder Wei Zhaung hates him so much. However, this is also the truth. ). Ying Zheng called the sales department of Yan Taizi Dan: "I'm looking for Mr. Jing Ke."

3 Operator Xiao Gao said, "Sorry, he was killed last week."

The next day, she called again and said, "I want to talk to Jing Ke."

As a friend of Jing Ke, Xiao Gao was a little annoyed and said, "I have been telling you that he was killed last week. Why are you calling? "

Ying Zheng said, "Because I just like to hear about it."

4 Mohist military exercise:

Duanmu Rong, the commander, saw Tianming fall to the ground, went up and kicked him and said, "Don't pretend to be dead, and manipulate the animals."

Tianming pointed to the red paint all over the floor and said, "According to the setting, I am dead."

Duanmu Rong: "Nie Gai ~ ~ ~ dragged this dead man out and burned him!"

Nie Gai: "Oh. . "

Tianming:" Where is the beast! "

5 The King of Qin held a military parade and said, "Raise your hand for those who didn't come." After that, he looked at it and said, "Very well, they are all here."

One day, the moon asked Tianming, "There is a person who was born to my parents, but he is not my brother or sister. Who is she?" Tianming thought about it and answered, I don't know. Who is he? "Shao Yu couldn't guess, and Tianming laughed." Stupid, that man is Moon. "

6 Cang Lang said to Bai Fenghuang," If the boss doesn't take back what he said to me this morning, I will leave the Ghost Valley. "

Bai Fenghuang asked curiously," What did Wei Zhaung say to you? "

Cang Lang said," He told me to leave the Ghost Valley. "

7 Nie Gai's birthday is coming. Unfortunately, a big cake in the shop costs 1 taels of silver, so it is difficult for three people to share it. Tianming suggested to the boss, "3 lines?"

(Little White Mom: It's not good to be a leading role in arithmetic ... the future is not bright)

8 Li Si and Nie Gai took refuge in the State of Qin, and Nie Gai sighed, "Ying Zheng is a genius, in charge of such a huge organization." As a result, he was arrested and charged with spreading rumors.

When Li Si saw that Nie Gai was arrested, he scolded, "Ying Zheng is an idiot."

Wei Zhaung: "Yes."

Bai Fenghuang: "Oh? Then what did she say later? "

Wei Zhaung: "Can you omit the dirty words she said?"

Bai Fenghuang: "Of course."

Wei Zhaung: "Then she didn't say anything."

1 Wei Zhaung's long hair has been worn for a long time, and she has never been willing to cut it off. On this day, he finally made up his mind to change his image and wanted to see if his men could recognize him. So he pretended to look for someone and came to the hall and asked, "Where is Wei Zhaung? "When Crimson Lotus saw it, he ran to Bai Fenghuang and panted," Baifeng, it's not good! The boss cut his hair and didn't even know who he was! "

11. Some Qin soldiers broke into the Ghost Valley and tried to execute the execution. Because of the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot didn't go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this moment, Chi cried, hugged Wei Zhaung's leg and said, Brother, you strangled me! It's so scary.

Nie Gai and Wei Zhaung came to the temple fair. They first came to Tiandi Temple.

Megatron said, "Go ahead! I can satisfy one of your rights-related wishes. "

Wei Zhaung quickly said, "I want to be the king of handsome men in the world."

So Wei Zhaung became the king of handsome men in the world.

Nie Gai went on to say, "Take him to the era of cavemen."

So Wei Zhaung became the Monkey King of the world.

12 Then they came to the Temple of Wealth.

Ning Caichen said, "Go ahead! I can satisfy one of your wishes related to money. "

Wei Zhaung said, "I want to get a lot of money for Guigu."

So Wei Zhaung has a lot of money.

Nie Gai went on to say, "I want him to always owe me money."

So Wei Zhaung returned all his money to Nie Gai.

13 One day, Nie Gai was chatting with Wei Zhaung, and Nie Gai suddenly said, There is no word failure in my dictionary.

Wei Zhaung said, I'll lend you my dictionary.

melon vendor: "come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, it's free!" "

tianming: "wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one.

14 "Nie Gai:" Old man Ban, do you have money? Lend me 1 taels. "

Wei Zhaung:" But I only have 5 taels ~ ~ "

Nie Gai:" Never mind, you owe me the remaining 5 taels. Don't forget to pay me back when I get paid in two days. "

On the 15th, I asked Duanmu Rong: What should I do if I stepped on a mine in the government office city? "

Duan Murong was greatly annoyed:" What can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it. "

Crimson Lotus, a city boy, heard that the air in the countryside was fresh, so he went there to look for a job. Although he knew nothing about crops and livestock, he found a job of herding sheep in Guigu Farm. His task was to drive 1, sheep to the mountains every day to graze and then return to the sheepfold in the evening. After only one day, he was exhausted. He said to farmer Wei Zhaung," I don't do this job, it's too tired and dangerous. " All you have to do is watch them. Sheep are also very docile animals. "

Crimson Lotus:" The big sheep are very obedient, but the two-legged sheep are not obedient at all. I chased them for dozens of miles before I drove them out of the water and then rushed back to the sheepfold. There are also gray-black sheep, which bared their teeth and tried to bite people. "

A gray-black wolf? I seem to have only 1 white sheep. Let me go and see with you. "

Wei Zhaung followed Crimson Lotus to the sheepfold. I saw bloody inside, and seven wolves were lying outside the sheepfold burping; There are also 12 pelicans on the roof looking down in shock.

17 One day, four people from Guigu suddenly came to Mohist Medical Village, all of whom were seriously injured.

Originally, four people were drinking at the top of the mountain, and when Tan Xing came up, they were all blowing all over the place. As a result, they were all drunk. So the hidden bat suggested that everyone play cards, and there were no cards in the house, so the hidden bat. I'll come, too. "

Bai Fenghuang, who was on patrol that day, saw four people jumping off the cliff one after another.

18 Wei Zhaung was eating in a restaurant, and he ordered a dish called crab. He found that the crab had only seven legs, so he called the waiter Chilian. He said to the waiter Chilian, "Why does a crab only have seven legs?" The waiter Chi Lian said, "It is common for aquatic animals to fight." Wei Zhaung said, "Then bring the winning one."

Mao Mao always does things in the morning, so Duanmu Rong pays special attention to his ideological and moral education. One day, Tianming said to Mr. Duanmu Rong, "Teacher, a child fell into the pit today. They all laughed at him, but I didn't." "Well, good. Tell me, which child fell into the pit? ""That's me. "

One day, Duanmu Rong asked Gao Yue," Moon, what is the motherland? " Moon said, "My motherland is my mother." Duan Murong asked Tianming again: "Tianming, what is the motherland?" Dawn said, "The motherland is the mother of the moon."

2 When Bai Fenghuang took refuge in Wei Zhaung, he was caught in a famine in Ghost Valley. As a result, after Bai Fenghuang introduced his big white bird, Wei Zhaung burst into tears. He cried, "I thought that hen was the food you brought ~ ~ ~"

The thief ordered the steak again, but found that the steak was not very fresh, so he went to Wei Zhaung and said, "This week's steak is not as delicious as last week's." Wei Zhaung said, "Nonsense, this is last week's steak!"

21 Jing Ke: "Why are you so stupid? You are such a little pig! Cough! Do you know what a little pig is? "

tianming: "Yes, it is the son of a pig."

22 Shaoyu asked Tianming, "Guess how many sweets I have in my pocket?"

tianming asked: if I get it right, can I eat it? "

Shao Yu said," If you guessed right, I will give you both. ".

Tianming drooled and asked, "Is it three yuan?"

(Little White Mom: Well ... I won't say anything)

I finally visited the giant's office on the 23rd, and accidentally broke a vase. Xiao Gao said coldly, "That's an antique!" Hearing this, Tianming breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God, it's not new!" "

24 One day in class, he suddenly found that the stolen feet were sleeping. At that time, his chest was full of blood, and he was so angry that he stuttered again: you, you, you, you, you dare to sleep, stand up for me ~ ~

Don't want to go with the stolen feet, Duanmu Rong, Da.

At dawn, I heard Shao Yu say: Every adult will have at least one skeleton in my closet. Just use one sentence:' To tell you, I know the truth of the whole thing!' You can scare them, even if you don't know anything at all ...

When you come home after school, Dawn will say, "Uncle, I tell you, I know the truth of the whole thing!" As soon as Nie Gai heard him say this, he quickly gave him 2 taels of silver and told him not to tell the king of Qin or Wei Zhaung.

Seeing uncle's reaction, my brother felt very happy and couldn't wait to say to Wei Zhaung, "I tell you, I know the truth of the whole thing!" Sure enough, when Wei Zhaung heard him say this, he also gave him 4 taels of silver and told him not to tell Nie Gai!

The next morning, I met Jing Ke at the gate when I was going to school.

Tianming immediately said, "Uncle, I tell you, I know the truth of the whole thing!" I saw that Jing Ke showed an expression of disbelief, and then opened his arm and said to him, "So you know everything, good boy ... come and give dad a hug ..."