The latest and funniest cold joke?

A few days ago, I was drunk and others advised me to come, so I wanted to yell at them: "No one stopped me, I'm not drinking, I'm drinking loneliness!" " As a result, my tongue was a little hard and I shouted, "Nobody stopped me. I don't drink wine, but mustard. I bought an evil graduation book when I graduated from primary school, because it says that the constellation of 65438+1October 20th-February 18 is Aquarius. Later, for a long time, people asked me what constellation you were, and I said Aquarius! The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Going Home Often" ... I don't know what the family thinks ... a temple. Monk: Donate some money, just 3500. Me: I don't have that much money. Maybe next time. Monk: Never mind. We can swipe our cards here. Me: Sorry, I don't have my card either. Monk: Never mind. We can also mortgage here, and the monthly interest rate is only 3%. Me: Sorry, I have nothing to mortgage. Monk: Please fill out this organ donation form. A group of fireflies are flying in the air, and one of them doesn't shine! The other asked curiously what happened to it. The firefly replied, "Hey, I forgot to pay the electricity bill last month!" " "Tanabata, I took the opportunity to confess to a boy I like. He is an otaku and often watches cartoons and cartoons. After I confessed to him, he said to me, "I'm sorry, in fact, I only like two-dimensional beautiful girls, but I'm not interested in three-dimensional creatures" ... I didn't understand what he meant until I heard it twice ... It was very cold in the winter of my second year of high school, and one of my classmates was very active. He dragged the corridor with a wet mop and it froze. The math teacher at that time was a young man, so he sneaked into the classroom while figure skating. I saw him in no hurry, wearing clothes and holding a book, calmly saying, fortunately, I lost my sister's wallet, which contained her admission ticket, ID card and other important documents. My sister heard someone say that she might have been thrown into a nearby trash can by a thief, so she went to rummage through the trash can ... because she couldn't find it all the time and was in a hurry, she began to cry and look for it. Suddenly, an aunt came over and saw my sister crying and looking for something in the trash can. She asked with concern, "Sister, are you hungry?" . . "When I was in Chinese class in junior high school, the teacher said a word and asked what rhetoric was used inside. I wanted to answer, so my brain was short-circuited and I blurted out: "Spouse! "(it should have been dual), the whole class burst into laughter! When I have money, let's buy lollipops, two, 1, watch me eat, and the other 1. One day, I was walking in the street when I suddenly saw a handsome guy across the street. I was secretly surprised. God, how can there be such a handsome man in this world, charming and earth-shattering? Take a closer look. Oh, this is a mirror. Sleep at the same table in class. The teacher looked at it. "Students who are sleeping, please answer this question. "My deskmate woke up with a tingle." I won't ... "Teacher:" Concentrate on the class, don't sleep, sit down! Then student 53 will answer this question. The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I won't." ... "The teacher fainted." Sit down, and then the students will answer! "The deskmate stood up and said," Teacher, I really can't! " "Sit down! The representative of Chinese class gave me an answer! The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I am the representative of Chinese class." ... "a big, square man. One day, he was driving home and was caught in a traffic jam. He waited a long time. At this time, he opened the skylight on the roof and put his head out to have a look. At this time, a child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted, "Look, the autobots are going to be deformed!" "When a student of the physical education department is in the internship class, many teachers are listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "Priest:" Which one of you happened to have a birthday today? " Tom raised his hand happily to show his birthday today. The priest went on to say, "Very well, please blow out these candles after the service!" " Once, a customer called and asked, "Miss, does your bank have monster business?" "I said," I'm not Altman. " "I want to complain!" The customer hung up when he finished speaking. It took me a long time to react. Customer asks: Is there any loss reporting service? ...