Are you treating dichlorvos as cola and amusing your eighty-cent twelve-pound head?

1. I can’t believe that this is an ambiguous topic for us, but you mentioned the same thing to a third person.

2. Boys nowadays are too bad. They are whiter, taller and prettier than girls.

3. Love him at a distance that is neither far nor close, and he will never leave you

4. It is too easy to be reckless at the age that starts with the cross.

5. Whoever you say betrays first will die a good death. I'm just wondering, why hasn't God taken you away after so long?

6. Being single is painful, and being single for a long time is even more painful. I saw a sow a few days ago, and I thought it was pretty and pretty

7. Loving ourselves will only make us lonelier. , loving others makes us happier.

8. My dear, I miss you again. I really miss you. This time I didn’t cry, but my face was filled with tears.

9. Try to run. Restraint is also a way of survival.

10. Do you think of dichlorvos as cola, and drink it to make your eighty-cent twelve-pound head laugh?

11. When a man has an affair, it is reflected in the increasing number of people at work. Busy; when a woman has an affair, the food she cooks becomes saltier and saltier.

12. If I can’t make you fall in love with me, then I will destroy you

13. Even if you don’t have the beauty to conquer a country, you still have to have the pride to destroy a city

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14. There are always many people who do one thing in front of others but a knife behind their back

15. [You have the scene, I have my story, it’s not very hard, but don’t touch it]

16. Idiot, I will tell you that I go to bed late every day just to wait for your good night

17. Dongfang Invincible's love for Linghu Chong is a kind of love. It would be foolish for Linghu Chong not to love Dongfang Bubai.

18. Sometimes when I am so distressed that I can’t breathe, I still have to pretend to be happy and indifferent on the surface.

19. For example, I put myself in a locked lock to stay together for the same age. But I can't find the key

20. If anyone treats me sincerely, I will cherish it with my life. Loving you is my business and has nothing to do with you

1. When your indifference exceeds the load that my heart can bear, then I will give you my heart and I will leave.

2. It is not the mistress who is hateful, but the mistress who cannot withstand the temptation of the mistress.

3. Why do you wear briefs? Because it saves money and cloth!

4. Stop jumping!! Brother, I have no intention of blowing you up!!!

5. Adults always say, don’t talk to me about money, because talking about money hurts feelings. I just want to say, don’t talk to me about the start of school. Talking about the start of school will hurt your feelings.

6. I don’t know how to play chess, calligraphy and painting, but I feel tired from doing laundry and cooking.

7. How many times have I told it to go back and die when it sees my weakness?

8. Among the curses related to Chinese Valentine's Day that I have seen so far, This is the most vicious one: Cursing Weaver Girl to come to her aunt on Chinese Valentine's Day!

9. In the morning, my mother listened to your backpack and said to me, Eason Chan is such a bad person. He borrows things without returning them and sings to annoy others.

10. There are always people who have been with each other for twenty years, but lose to an innocent or charming face.

11. Principal, your son hasn’t finished his homework yet. Can you postpone the start of school?

12. School has started, my waist is no longer sore; my legs are no longer painful; even my heart is not beating~

13. Board, come to a bowl of Malatang. I don’t want Malatang. I don’t want it to burn you. TM eats a bowl

14. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used them to roll my eyes.

15. Loving you is my business and has nothing to do with you

16. You have the nerve to panic, how can I have the nerve not to believe you-/shuoshuo/

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17. Don’t hate men all over the world because of one man.

18. The watch I drew on my hand when I was a child did not move, but it took away our best time.

19. My mother no longer has to worry about my studies. She holds a lighter and won’t light anything.

20. Nonsense is the first line of interpersonal relationships!

21. The first time you lie in your life usually starts with writing an essay.

22. I will work hard to save money and buy an ATM.

23. Since I fell in love, my waist no longer hurts, my head no longer hurts, and my heart stops beating.

24. The worst feeling in the world is to have to doubt something you previously believed in.

25. Signature of a female diaosi: The key point between hunger and thirst lies in the position of the cucumber.

26. Thinking back to the way I went to school, wow... it was so shabby.

27. For me. When writing an essay, you just make up nonsense and bring a scratch paper with you.

28. Please don’t show off your happy posture in front of me, I will go crazy~

29. The happiest thing in life is to hear your wife tell you to take your paw away in the morning!

30. Half of the world is laughing at the other half. In fact, the whole world is a fool

31. Don’t bully me. I will summon the energy of Balala and the God of Darkness Gunara. Electric energy and positive energy will destroy your humming

32. Success in life does not lie in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play the bad cards well.

33. Suicide, will talk about it later.

34. Get up earlier than a chicken, go to bed later than a cat, and earn less hair than a bald man.

35. There was no cloud in the sky, a scorching sun above our heads, no wind, and all the trees stood there listlessly and lazily. I laughed so hard, sister, why did you throw the money into my rice pudding?

Introduction: I was on Taobao in the morning and saw a gold pendant. I liked it very much. The baby asked me: "Mom, do you like it very much? Ask daddy to buy it for you." I said: "Money I have bought toys for you, but dad has no money. "Well, I will buy them for you when I grow up." I was very touched after hearing this. Unexpectedly, the baby then said: "But buy it only if it is on sale. Such beautiful things are usually not on sale."

1. When I was a child, I slept with my best friend and he liked to touch me with his hands. The ears can fall asleep. I was sleeping with my wife last night, and suddenly I thought of him, so I touched my daughter-in-law's ear, and she actually said: "Why do you sleep like so-and-so?" I actually smiled and said, "He hasn't changed after so many years!" Sleeping peacefully. Go, I have been looking for the marriage certificate when I woke up in the morning.

2. After a certain singer finished singing, Wang Feng turned around: Come, tell me your dream. Answer: I’m so excited, I want to say loudly to my goddess that I love you, and I want to give you a lifetime of happiness! Naying: Well done, say her name. Answer: Zhang Ziyi, I love you!

3. The teacher said on the stage: "Classmates, let's play idiom solitaire, shall we? I will say the first two words, and you will answer the last two words." I almost peed in excitement when I heard this. , this is my brother’s strong point. I just heard the teacher say: "Children's words..." It was too simple. Without thinking, I jumped up and replied: "Big breasts!"... Now I am standing at the door and being baked by the sun.

4. I remember when I was taking a bath in the river when I was a child, a friend suddenly stopped moving and felt tense all over. But I was so frightened that I thought I was having cramps, but the idiot yelled at me. Come here, come on, I've got a fish between my legs.

5. Those currently in prison include director Zhang Yuan, actor Huang Haibo, prostitute Guo Meimei, Zhang Guoli’s son Zhang Mo, singer Li Daimo, and screenwriter Ning Caishen. They can make a TV series and movie. The TV series is called those In the days when we were taking drugs and prostitution together, the movie is called Tears Behind Bars. Screenwriter: Ning Caishen, Director: Zhang Yuan, Starring: Huang Haibo, Second Male Lead: Zhang Mo, First Female Lead: Guo Meimei, Li Daimo sings the theme song, what do you think? ?

6. A few days ago, the Transformation column team came to me and said that there was a rich second-generation young man in Hong Kong who wanted to exchange life with me for a month. I immediately refused because the second-generation rich man had experienced me. After going back to the hard days, I can change my past mistakes. I went to experience the life of a young master and how to face these days when I came back with my face facing the loess and my back facing the sky. The column team was speechless and left silently.

7. When the pig was reincarnated, the King of Hell asked: "Being an immortal?" Pig: "It's boring!" King of Hell: "Being a human?" Pig: "Too tiring!" King of Hell: "Being a demon?" Pig: " It’s so miserable!” The King of Hell said: “What are you doing?” Pig: “You can have food, drink, and money to spend, and you can still pick up girls!” The King of Hell was furious: “Do you really want to be a college student?”

8. One day, Bao Zheng said to Gongsun Ce: "Thankfully, I can solve cases so easily because of you." Gongsun Ce said: "Thank you for the compliment, hehe!" Bao Zheng replied: "You are talking about business! Don't call me Nickname! ”

9. I went to the park today and saw a man who looked like a beggar on the roadside. There was a eight-treasure porridge jar in front of him. I took out a 3 yuan coin from my wallet and threw it into the jar. Just as he was about to leave, the man said: "Sister, why did you throw the money into my eight-treasure porridge?"

10. "Master, I have been taking care of her, caring about her, and loving her for ten years. Why is she still so cruel to leave me? "Master: "That's because ten years is not as good as one day!"

11. My wife is very sleepy and urges her to get up every day, even today. I didn’t get up after three times, and finally I got angry: “If you can’t make money in bed, don’t stay in bed!” She replied to me: “I’ll start charging tomorrow!”

12. I’m single Hanging silk, on Sunday, my parents came to my rented house to see me. When I came back from shopping for groceries, the dormitory had been tidied up by two old people. My mother looked at my closet and said to me seriously: I must Pay attention to supplement nutrition! I believe they have already met my girlfriend...

13. I remember that there was a time when it was popular to put up Kongming lanterns in our square, and I saw a couple each buying one in the shape of a half heart. The Kongming lanterns were lit together and put up. What a beautiful scene. Suddenly, there was a sound, and a cannon shot into the sky from between two hearts. I saw a loser put his hands in his pockets and left with a grunt. Ha, the poster laughed so hard at that time. Squatting on the ground, it’s absolutely true! ! !

14. I saw a news today. It was reported that a 6-year-old girl in the United States has an IQ as high as 160, but her parents’ IQs are not very high. Her neighbor teaches Mathematical Olympiad at the university. I feel that this little girl There is a story...

15. I heard that there were going to be layoffs in the company, so I quickly bought two boxes of Zhonghua to give to my boss. He was very angry: "You have so much free time, you might as well concentrate on your work." That's it. He threw two boxes of toothpaste on the floor in front of me.

16. It’s good to have a wife, and you don’t have to take care of the accounts. No, the balance on the salary card has just become 0.29 yuan! Today's technology is so convenient. You don't have to take the initiative to hand it over. Mobile banking is no longer available...

17. My aunt came to my house for a visit, so I called the man and told him that relatives were coming to buy something. At home, he rushed home and opened the door. Without saying a word, he took out a pack of aunt's towels from his bag and started acting like a baby: "I'm good or not, I'm not good, praise me!" I will never forget my aunt. Look at that look in his eyes!

18. I think that if we want to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor in our country, we should vigorously develop the education industry. Because there are still many people who do not have higher education. Just imagine, if everyone graduated with a bachelor's degree, wouldn't everyone be equally poor?

19. One day, Wukong and his master went out to play. The master was very happy when he came back, but Wukong was helpless.

The next day, the master invited Wukong out to play again, but Wukong refused. The master said, you are such a badass, do you want to recite the tightening spell for your master? Wukong cried: "Mom, every time you go out to play and there is no money, you just play monkey to make money. I've had enough."

20. In fact, there is a reason why I am so outspoken now. When I was a child, My dad took me out for a walk, and he pulled open the back of his pants to reveal his buttocks. I held it in and said nothing until he felt the coolness in his pants pockets as he walked... I will never forget that day when my father was carrying a wooden board under the sunset. Talk to me about the scenes of life...

21. In the history class, when the teacher was talking about Dayu's flood control, he asked: "Why did Dayu pass through the house three times without entering?" A boy in the back row responded: "There must be someone outside." Suddenly, the whole class burst into laughter.

22. Ma Liang, the magic pen, took out his pen, drew a dot on the wall, and drew three arcs above the dot, then took out his mobile phone and connected to WIFI.

23. Good people are indeed rewarded. For example: This morning on the crowded subway, a girl dropped her money. I told her in time when I saw it. Sure enough, I picked it up while she was there. When paying, I occupied her seat.

24. Conductor: Go ahead and turn on the hot spot of the air conditioner for me! Go ahead and sell ice cream! Half an hour later, the conductor said: The ice cream is sold out! Conductor: Go ahead and turn the air conditioner on for me! Go sell instant noodles...

25. In the morning, before I woke up, my girlfriend was already busy in the kitchen. The aroma of apples, eggs, chicken soup, milk, pancakes, and all kinds of delicious food hit my face. When I came, I felt a feeling of happiness in my heart. When I woke up and walked into the kitchen, my girlfriend had already eaten them all and was gone! He also left a note asking me to clean the pots and bowls!

26. My boyfriend often ignores me while playing games. Today I bought a wireless mouse and secretly plugged it into the back of the computer. When he was playing at night, I occasionally moved it, and then he actually smashed the computer.

27. When I was a child, I went with a group of friends to steal cucumbers from other people’s houses. They all ran away after stealing, but I was still lying on the ground eating them. Later, I was caught and asked about stealing cucumbers. Why are you lying on the ground? I said the cucumber stems are still on the seedlings, and you will think that the pigs ate them.

28. The son was eager to pull daddy, so he said to his mother: "Mom, I want daddy, where is it?" Mom said to pull daddy next to the duck, and after a while she came back crying, "Mom, The duck always runs away”.

29. Our daily lives are already very stressful. We go online just to relax, and we don’t want the Internet to bring any tension to us. So I beg those classmates who I didn’t know each other well when I went to school and haven’t contacted them for several years, please don’t suddenly pop up “Are you there” on QQ?

30. When I was walking on the street, I saw a stack of hundred-dollar bills on the ground. I was so excited that I fainted. When I woke up, I saw that the money was still there, and I fainted again with excitement.

Editor’s Note: On my first day at the zoo, the master asked me to have close contact with tigers. I was really frightened, so I secretly drank a bottle of wine to embolden myself, but I still When the master found out, he was very angry and said that I was derelict in my duties. He also asked me not to give the tiger wine next time. Everyone thinks that Grandpa Mao can shine

1. No matter how hot it is at night, I will cover myself with a quilt. Maybe it will give me a sense of security

2. Only you know whether it hurts or not. , only you know whether you have changed or not. Don’t ask me if I am doing well, I can only say that I am still alive.

3. My voice is too hoarse to sing the freshness you want

4. No matter how beautiful I weave the future, it will never be able to withstand the pull of reality again and again.

5. No matter what kind of crying you experienced last night, when you wake up in the morning, the city is still busy with traffic.

6. Because of injury, it is called youth.

7. In that month, I shook all the prayer wheels, not for salvation, but just to touch your fingertips;

8. There are only two things I don’t know how to do in my life. Neither will this, nor will that.

9. Blame me for being ignorant and not knowing that there is someone in your heart.

10. Saying "I love you" in exchange for being sorry. What if you are really a passer-by and hurt me cruelly? Maybe I will feel better. .

11. A man is walking on the street, blowing the cool breeze. It would be great if I could stay like this for the rest of my life.

12. Even if there are many people around you, you still feel like you are alone.

13. Don’t always cut me and come back to wipe my blood and apply medicine. I can't bear it

14. You are the person I can say I like without blinking an eye, but I am the person you can say give up without even raising your head.

15. Everyone thinks that Grandpa Mao will shine

16. There is a saying that I will be your bride

17. Learn to be you Self, gracefully let go of all the things that don’t belong to you.

18. We can go back to the past, but we cannot go back to the beginning. Some things change forever once you turn around.

19. I am my own lover, and I will love myself very hard.

20. The night without you is so cold and so long that I dare not think about it again.

21. Happiness and happiness are what we should have at this age.

22. I think I should let go of your hand gently, but I don’t have the strength to do so.

23. Waiting for an indefinite result, just to see your own sorrow clearly.

24. It’s true that I have changed. You just saw a more real me.

25. -I don’t need a perfect love, I just need someone who will never will give up on me. //*

26. My sister was immediately overjoyed, grinning like a blooming lotus, unable to close her eyes for a long time.

27. Don’t pursue appearance, it will deceive; don’t pursue wealth, it will disappear; pursue someone who makes you smile! Because a smile will brighten up your gloomy day and make it sunny!

28. [I hope you bite your tongue unexpectedly and die while talking about me behind my back.

29. In the future, I will be less self-righteous and more self-aware

30. I am not afraid even if I am alone

31. I am not beautiful It’s not beautiful, and I don’t expect much.

32. Color is emptiness, emptiness is color. I am not color, but very empty.

33. Always face the sun so you can’t see the shadow