Classic humor jokes

Hillbilly: Hello. Miss, how much is the bun?

Attendant: Touch .1!

mountain man: what about below?

Attendant: Next 2!

mountain man: I'm dizzy! No way! ? What about dumplings?

Attendant: Sleeping, 4 yuan.

Mountain man: A bowl of 4 yuan? !

Attendant: No, it's 8 a night.

Mountain man: I'll pour it! So expensive! Why does a bowl cost 8?

Attendant: All night, it's the same price, big brother.

Mountain man: What if I don't take it here?

waiter: it costs 1 yuan to take it out.

Mountain man: I am X! Shenzhen is too fucking expensive, right? Dumplings are more expensive to take out.

1. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again, so he had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

2. Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying beside your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. Your face is so thick that I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I committed suicide.

3. A man and a woman were having an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away without wearing clothes, and walked on the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

4. One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man before! The female driver is also furious: I see where the fuck you pay for it!

5. The teacher wanted the physical education committee to confirm whether all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and clear up all the girls in the class." The sports commission is a little goat and asks, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" "

6. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I feel itchy if I don't step on mice for a day; C: I don't go to the street for a few times a day. D: It's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

7. One day, a mother and a fly had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly,' Why do we eat shit every day?' Mother fly said angrily,' Don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot! ! ’

8. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. One police, come here: What happened? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived.

9. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want thick or thin? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

1. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" I'll call you a pig from now on. Finally one day, you couldn't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" "

11. The white rabbit Q B fled after the gray wolf, and the wolf was indignant and rushed after it. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and wore glasses to read the newspaper. The wolf asked: Can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the white rabbit of the wolf? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon?

12. Do you have a TV? Now, hurry up and see that the Central Zhao Benshan was killed, and the police blocked the Northeast, 19 people were killed, 11 people were missing, and 1 person was fooled!

13. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be sputum. Damn it, who spit so round?

14. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon gently and carefully cleaned it, they fell in love. People ask how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

15. The miser was out on business, and he was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited, too!

16. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, Say, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I am from RTVU!

17. someone rides a bike to the street, crosses an intersection, and scatters his arms. The traffic police saw it and exclaimed: "Good palm!" Someone waved happily and answered, "comrades have worked hard!" "

18. Wolf cubs are vegetarian from birth. Wolf mother and father racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents and mother were pleased to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub caught the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

19. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation, and on the platform, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted loudly: Attention, students! I'm going to be deformed ...

2. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, Chief! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is darker! The chief patted a soldier on the chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: report to the chief, I am a female soldier.