Interesting punctuation marks

(A) punctuation errors

Lao Wang stipulated that his son should keep a diary every day, and one night he would randomly check his son's diary. After reading the diary, he was furious with his wife.

His wife was puzzled and asked Lao Wang to explain the reason.

He angrily opened his son's diary and spread it on the table. It said, "Uncle Chen came to my house to play with his mother today, saying that he could eat snacks after finishing his homework. Then, Uncle Chen praised me for doing my homework well, and my uncle picked up my mother, and my mother told my uncle to be careful. Then my uncle kissed my mother, my grandmother and me. "

The wife was furious and scolded her son. The son cried and said, "My punctuation is wrong. It should be' Uncle Chen' who came to my house to play today. Mom said that after finishing his homework, he could eat snacks. Then, Uncle Chen praised me for doing my homework well, and my uncle hugged me. My mother told my uncle to be careful, and then my uncle kissed me, my mother kissed me and my grandmother kissed me. " "

Please send punctuation marks.

Vondano, who came to Taiwan Province, was a famous German writer in the19th century. When she was an editor in Berlin, she received several poems without punctuation from a young learner. The attached letter said: "I never care about punctuation. If necessary, please fill it out yourself. "

Vondano quickly returned the manuscript with a letter, which said, "I never cared about poetry. Please only send punctuation marks next time, and I will fill in the poem. "

(3) Punctuation

A classmate had some punctuation problems in his composition and was called to the office by the teacher for questioning. The teacher is a talkative person, but his mouth is not tight, his mouth is full of saliva, and raindrops directly hit his classmates' faces. Out of politeness, this classmate hasn't spoken.

Finally, the rain is too heavy for the students. They said politely, "Teacher, just speak without punctuation, okay?"

4. Titanic

In Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to say what punctuation marks they had, and the students scrambled to answer. ......

At this time, the teacher found a student sleeping, so he woke him up and asked, "The student said most of the punctuation marks. There are question marks, periods, exclamation points, semicolons ... just one number, please add them up! "

The student said without thinking, "And Titanic!"

(5) Punctuation

In a Chinese class, the teacher gave the students a question: if women in the world can't live without men. Let the students put punctuation marks in the middle, girls are all: if there are no women in the world, men can't live. And all boys are: if there are no men in the world, women can't live.

(6) Classical sentences

The same sentence, with some punctuation marks, has a completely different meaning. Please look at the following example:

Stay in the rain, stay with me.

1, stay in rainy days, stay in days, I won't stay.

2. Stay in rainy days and stay during the day.

3, rainy days, stay, stay, I won't stay.

4, rainy days, stay, stay with me, stay.

5. Will you stay with me in rainy days? Stay.

6. If it rains, stay for a day and stay for me?

7. If it rains, stay for one day and stay for me? Don't stay!

8. Stay in the rain, God! Will you leave me? Stay.

9, rainy days, stay! Oh, my god Stay with me?

(7) Talking punctuation

Hugo sent the manuscript of Les Miserables to the editorial department, but he didn't get the news for a long time, so he wrote to ask. The letter wrote: "? -Hugo? "

The reply from the editorial department came soon, which read: "! -editorial department "

The famous book Les Miserables was published not long ago.

(8) wife, such as punctuation.

1, the wife is like a comma: a comma is a progressive aspect, indicating that a process is still going on, just like marriage is a continuation of love.

A married wife is rational, can calmly face the romantic love time that has passed, and then focus on the dull but watertight husband and wife life. Because, she knows what is romantic and what is dull, and she knows that in the future life, the life of mutual support is the most touching, and the love of mutual tolerance is the most calm.

2. A wife is like quotation marks: quotation marks often indicate that there is a voice in the words.

Yes, you have to keep an eye on the wife in your life, open the quotation marks in her words, and see through the voiceover. Isn't it? In the family sky, there are sunny days and ups and downs. I often hear her say that it is a mistake to marry you in my life. I often hear her say that she is a helper. I often hear her sigh and make do with it ... You can't be true. Most of her feelings and complaints are on a whim, and at most she improvises. After nagging, she still loves you to death.

3, the wife is like an exclamation point: the exclamation point is the most emotional punctuation mark, which can best convey the wife's strongest feelings for you.

When you drag your tired body home, she can warm you with tender, delicate and considerate femininity and maternal love, and make you strong, determined and optimistic about tomorrow. The wife's exclamation point is neither lightning nor stormy waves. They are as warm as spring breeze and as moist as spring rain.

4. A wife is like an ellipsis: the ellipsis is endless, leading a broad imagination.

Sooner or later, the wind and frost of the years will linger on the temples of two people, and the once unforgettable tremor will eventually calm down. Even so, the deeper the affection under the eaves, the more we should cherish each other's life until the end of time.

(9) jokes without punctuation

When I was in primary school, my history teacher said that ancient Chinese was punctuated and often joked.

A rich man hired a teacher to teach his son culture. The rich man asked Mr. Wang what his dietary requirements were. Mr. Wang wrote: chicken can be duck, fish can be meat, and tofu is indispensable. When the rich man saw it, it was not easy for Mr. Wang to love tofu. He gives Mr. Wang tofu for three meals a day. Mr. Wang was very angry and asked the rich man, "I don't like tofu." Why do you always make tofu for me? " The rich man was very wronged and took out the request written by his husband. Didn't he say that tofu was indispensable? Mr. Wang said in distress situation: I wrote: chicken can, duck can, fish can, meat can, tofu can't! No.

No punctuation marks kill people!

In another case, the matchmaker showed the man a post describing the woman, which read: Black hair is not as handsome as pockmarked face. The man was quite satisfied after seeing it. When he got married, he lifted the veil and almost got angry. He went to get even with the matchmaker. The matchmaker said that I didn't say anything wrong. Look, it says: no black hair, no pockmarked, no short legs.

(10) Sorrow and joy are two worlds.

Today, I told grandma a joke. The joke goes like this: a son who works in a foreign country wrote a letter to his parents. The content of the letter is: "My son's life is too painful, he has no food at all, and he has earned a lot of money because of his illness." There are no punctuation marks except ".".

The mother picked up the letter and read: My son's life is so painful. He had no food at all, was ill and earned a lot less money. Mother was crying anxiously.

The father picked up the letter and read: My son has a good life, has no pain at all, eats more, gets less sick and earns a lot of money. Father jumped with joy. When my mother read it to my father again, my father was at a loss because there were no punctuation marks in the sentence, which made others laugh and cry.

(1 1) A vulgar joke

These are what the teacher told us, and we are not interested. What we are interested in is a report on punctuation made by an anti-Japanese hero at school (God knows it was made up), and it is like this:

Teachers and classmates, my grandmother! -In that evil old society, the Japanese became obsessed with ghosts (some places read the country as a ghost, for example, when meeting, the leaders would announce that everyone stood up and put ghost songs), killing people and setting fires everywhere. At that time, I also joined the guerrillas. After defeating the Japanese, we went into the village, and I worked with the local women's director, the Women's Rescue Association, all night.

At that time, we didn't have any rich entertainment activities, so a joke about punctuation made us relish and be extremely happy.

(12) Three words and two beats

Zhang Yifei, my son's property is not interfered by his son-in-law and outsiders.

There are two methods of punctuation, and the results are completely different. Please try it.

(13) Two English punctuation jokes

There is a priest in England who doesn't like to wear distinctive priest uniforms. He said: I won't wear anything that makes me different. )

As a result, when this sentence was published in the newspaper, a comma was accidentally added and it became: I will not wear clothes, which will distinguish me from my compatriots. This time I changed from a restrictive attributive clause to an unrestricted attributive clause, which means: I don't want to wear any clothes, it will make me look different. )

Another example is an advertisement posted in front of a barber shop, which reads: You think I don't need you for anything, but give you a drink?

Others saw it and filed in. Because this barber shop shaves and shaves, it not only doesn't charge money, but also gives a glass of wine to drink. Wonderful!

Finally, the shopkeeper punctuated the sentence and became: What! Do you think I'll shave you for nothing and give you a drink? It means "what? Do you think I will shave you for free and give you a drink? " They immediately filed out.

(14) jokes about the misuse of punctuation.

When a child wrote a composition, he wrote, "My pigs look like mice, and they are all dead."

When his father saw this, he was so angry that he said, "You cursed my pigs like mice, and they all had to die!" "

The child quickly explained, "Dad, I mean if my pig grows into an elephant, all the mice will die!" "