Funny jokes to make girls happy?

Humorous people are the most humane. Everyone will feel happy when getting along with humorous people. I have collected some for you below, let’s take a look.

Selection

1 A: "Hey, the actress you introduced to me seems to be a very hard-hearted girl." B: "Hard-hearted? You want to use Hard to hard, diamonds can touch her heart."

2 When my hero was young, there was a girl who was willing to lose her life for me. She said firmly: "If you keep pestering me like this. If you touch me, I will die."

3 A young man and his beloved girl were walking hand in hand, side by side. When they passed by a stall selling kebabs, The air was filled with an intoxicating fragrance. The girl stopped and looked at the young man with pleading eyes. The young man asked: Do you like it? The girl's voice revealed desire: Of course. So, the young man said: Let's go back and pass by again!"

4 There was a boy who liked a girl very much! So the boy mustered up the courage to confess to the girl! But the girl rejected him ruthlessly! The boy didn't Give up! I expressed my love to the girl all the time, and finally one day the girl couldn't stand it anymore, so she said in a pleading tone: What is it about me that attracts you? Can't I change it?

5 One day, I turned on the water in the workplace cafeteria and accidentally splashed water on my hand. A woman behind me took my hand and asked with concern: "Are you not burning your hand?" Although it hurt, I insisted on showing my manliness. He gritted his teeth and said, "It's okay, it's okay. "And pretended to be nonchalant. MM suddenly turned around and said to the people in line behind her, "Go back, the water is not boiled today.

6 A: Old classmate, long time no see, how much is your annual salary now? B: Wan A: Two to three hundred thousand per month B: Yes, this is the basic salary A: Not bad, what do you do? . B: Dreaming

7 Sending text messages is not my original intention, but sending blessings is my original intention. I didn’t get your consent, so I hope you don’t mind. No intention, just hope you will be happy. Accept my kindness, and you are free to reply or not!

8 A woman’s marriage proposal had two conditions: to be handsome and to have a car. The computer searched for her and found the result: chess. A man offered two conditions for marriage: a beautiful woman who can cook, and the computer searched for her: a beautiful rice cooker

9 Woman: "I want to formally warn you, I My husband will be back in an hour. Man: “But I didn’t do anything rude. "Female: "I know, if you want to do something, there is less than an hour left.

10 A man ran to the public toilet anxiously, and there was a long queue in front of the toilet. , he had to stand at the end. Finally, there was only one person left in front of him. He couldn't hold it in anymore, so he said to the person in front of him: I can't hold it in anymore, can you let me go first? The person in front clenched his fists and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth, "Damn, at least you can still speak!

11 The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend: Young man, you only do this every day I can't take my daughter to watch a movie or sit in a coffee shop. Can't we do other things? The young man said in surprise: Did you mean you can do other things?

Classic

< p>1 A man rushed to the public toilet anxiously. There was a long queue in front of the toilet, and he had to stand at the end. Finally, when there was only one person left in front, he couldn't hold it in any longer, so he said: The person in front said: I can't hold it in anymore, can you let me go first?

The person in front clenched his fists and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth, "Damn, at least you can still speak!

2 The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend: Young man, you only do this every day I can’t take my daughter to watch a movie or sit in a coffee shop. Can’t we do other things? The young man said in surprise: Did you mean we can do other things?

3 Bush saw Bin Laden late at night Standing in front of his bed, with his hair disheveled, Bush was shocked and said: You are so bold, you dare to break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-length beard, smiled sinisterly, and said: Rejoice, you are so confident!

4 Yesterday I dreamed about God and he said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change to another one. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He thought for a moment. He said that he would bring the globe and I would take a look at it

5 The rural nanny had a loud voice, and the host reminded her that the guests tonight were all dignitaries and that they should speak in a low voice. After dinner, the guests were playing cards, and the nanny wanted to go early. After resting, he leaned close to the male host and whispered in his ear: "I'm going to sleep first."

6 A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you had a premarital check-up?" "I have checked, his house and car are all there." All. "I mean go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and replied in a low voice: "I checked, it's a boy." "

7 A pair of lovers were caught by savages in the mountains. The savages said to them: If you eat each other's feces, they will let you go. The lovers did it. On the way back, the woman cried loudly, and the man asked why. , the woman said sadly: You don’t love me, otherwise you wouldn’t poop so much.

8 A couple of lovers were hugging and kissing under the shade of the tree in the hospital. He saw it and went over to say to the man. : "You are so confused. To perform artificial respiration, you should lay her flat on the ground. Go away and let me come. I am a doctor.

9 When Duan went to his girlfriend's house and saw no one in the living room, he shouted : Where are you? Girlfriend: I’m washing dates. There’s no one at home. Come and help me! Dumb was shy and didn’t say a word. Girlfriend is impatient: Come quickly! What are you doing? Dumb: I am taking off my clothes!

10 Wife: Some people say that young people will lose their minds under the charming moonlight. Do you think this is true? Husband: It may make sense, do you remember? I proposed to you under the moonlight

11 Taking the priest’s car, the priest put his hand on the nun’s snow-white thigh, and the nun smiled at her. The priest said: Do you remember what the Bible article says? The priest blushed and took his hand away. When he got home, the priest hurriedly opened the Bible article and saw that it said: "Go deeper and you will get great happiness!" The priest shouted :Oh God! Unfamiliar business can kill people!

12 The son asked his father what burning one’s body meant, and the old wolf politely told him that it meant someone wanted something. Once, there was no chalk in the Chinese class, and when the young female teacher was about to get it, Lao Huang's son immediately stood up and said, "Teacher, I know you are going to burn yourself to death, so let me satisfy you~ ”

13 After the prisoner escaped from prison, he entered a private house and saw a young couple lying on the bed. The prisoner drove the husband out of bed and tied him to a chair. He tied his wife to the bed and kissed her neck before going to the bathroom. The husband said: "My dear, this is a prisoner. He may be imprisoned for a long time. Don't resist, just let him be satisfied. This man is very dangerous. If he is angry, he may kill us. Wife: " I'm glad you think so. Yes, he hasn't touched a woman for a long time, but he wasn't kissing my neck just now. He was whispering in my ear that he thought you were sexy, and asked me if there was anything in the bathroom. Lubricating fluid. Be strong, my dear, I love you!"

14 Swimmer: The life buoy produced by your factory helped me learn to swim quickly. Director: Domon praised me. Swimmer: The life buoy is as soon as I see the water. I lost my temper, so I had to swim hard, and finally learned how to swim

15 Dumb broke up with his girlfriend. He asked his girlfriend: Do you think our relationship can be saved? His girlfriend replied: It’s a button on the phone! Dumb: Is it a redial? Girlfriend: No, it's amplification

Boutique

1 A driver was struggling to push his car on the street. The traffic police asked: Is the car broken down or out of gas? Driver: No, I forgot to bring my driver’s license today

2 Wife: Am I pretty? My husband blurted out: Very beautiful. Ten minutes later, my wife asked: Are you afraid of hurting me when you say I’m pretty? Me? My husband smiled and shook his head: No, I am afraid that you will hurt me.

3 Dui happily said to Agua: I fell in love with the girl in the shoe and sock counter in the department store. I decided to buy a pair of socks every day to develop a relationship with her. Agua made a bitter face: You are so lucky! I fell in love with the lady from the gem cabinet

4 A strange man and woman were arranged to live together by a travel agency, and they had nothing to say that night. Early in the morning, the woman's silk scarf blew up to the tree, and the man climbed the tree to take it off. Unexpectedly, the woman yelled: "You can climb up the tree so high, but you can't get out of the bed so low!"

5 Dumb has a shotgun. , whenever his wife A-hua lost her temper, she would wipe the gun aside, and A-hua would shut up immediately. The neighbor couldn't help but ask Ahua: Does he really dare to kill you? Ahua: No, I'm afraid he will commit suicide!

6 Dumb: Long time no see, what have you been busy with recently? Agua: Since last year From the beginning I devoted myself to writing. Dumb: Not bad. How many have you sold so far? Agua: I sold the car and the house!

7 The young couple had a quarrel and threw a pillow from upstairs. A beggar happened to be passing by. , very happy; after a while the quilt fell, the beggar was ecstatic and shouted to the upstairs: Brother, good things will come to an end, throw that woman down too!

8 Man: My wife is missing, please help find her. Give it a try! Police: What are her characteristics? Man: She is not tall, quite fat, somewhat bald, and has a very big nose. Police: Then why are you looking for her?

9. Ah Shuang died, and his family members went to the funeral, crying and calling his name: So cool… So good… So good… Can passers-by hear it? Answered, he asked: What are you so happy about? Shuang’s family suddenly burst into tears: It feels so good

10 I still remember that in high school, a buddy had a fight with a girl in the class... This is the background... ...The noisy girl yelled: I am your mother! The guy was stunned for a moment, and then said: Mom, I want to drink milk! Wow, the whole class was excited and applauded continuously!

11 A best friend of mine and I went to fight the night, and bought two bottles of Coke on the way home. I guess this guy got confused by surfing the Internet. He took the Coke and shook it hard. After shaking it, he unscrewed the cap and put it in his mouth. He looked at his mouth. It was getting louder and louder, but this bastard wouldn't let go, and then, then I watched his nostrils start to foam...

12 I am a girl, and I have a lovely mother and a naughty father at home. One day when it rained, there was a sudden thunder. My mother, who was always afraid of thunder and lightning, screamed. My father quickly stepped forward to comfort me: "Honey, don't be afraid, I will protect you." I was so envious that I told my father She said coquettishly: "Dad, I need protection too." Dad said without looking back: "It's enough for me to protect my own wife, other people's wives are not my responsibility."

13 My boyfriend asked me: "Which bag do you like?" I looked: "The red one." My boyfriend smiled: "Fool, that is not a famous brand. Don't be afraid, just pick the one you like. It doesn't matter how expensive it is." I felt warm in my heart. , pointed to the Louis Vuitton carried by the woman passing by: "Just her." My boyfriend gave me a kiss, then started his motorcycle and rushed towards the woman.

14 While eating, the mother told her daughter: "Baby, you should eat more vegetables of various colors. The book says, 'The more types of colors, the more complete the nutrition.'" As she said, She pointed to the food on the table and asked, "How many colors did you see?" Her daughter replied without thinking, "Six, including the burnt ones, that's seven!"